Love and other misadventures DISCONTINUED
by MackayFire
Summary: Sequel to Temptation. The course of true love never did run smooth, especially when you live on the upper east side and are Seb Bass and Lydia Humphrey. Blair/Chuck, Serena/Dan included. TVSHOW BASED
1. All grown up

_Disclaimer: Gossip girl and it's characters are not mine, only little Lydia and darling Sebastian but that's enough._

_A/N: Here's the sequel to temptation, it focusses mainly on Lydia and Seb but includes their parents. It's mainly Lydia's POV and when I wrote this story I had actress Elizabeth Harnois in mind as Lydia and for Seb I pictured actor Ben Barnes (he has amazing eyes) but you can imagine who you like! Let me know if you enjoy it and I'll continue:)_

_Also I should note that I'm not from the USA so I have no idea when their holidays fall, when school finishes, university stuff etc so pardon the inevitable errors._

* * *

This felt like the longest night of Lydia's life. Okay so that was being a bit dramatic but she couldn't help it. She loved Blair and Chuck, they were practically family to her but sitting across from their devil spawn, in the mood she was in now was torture.

"He is a straight A student now which is great although I don't know when he has time to study with his love life."

Chuck patted his son proudly on the back but upon seeing his wife's disapproving face and Lydia's scornful eyes he shut up.

Serena pleaded silently with her daughter to behave, she was by all accounts a shy kid who gave them no hassle but she wasn't afraid to speak her mind among those she knew. She was seventeen and stunning which gave her father sleepless nights. If it had just been love struck teenagers that were falling over themselves for her Dan wouldn't have minded, but work colleagues, postmen, males young and old melted at the sight of her. They then even fell harder when she turned out to be endearingly artless and kind. It was a father's worst nightmare and despite the fact Lydia didn't date anyone he was still overly protective which was mainly why she didn't bother with men, why invite the hassle when she had her own surveillance officer?

"How can you call it a love life?"

Seb stop smiling and faced his 'friend' unashamedly.

"Excuse me shorty?"

Lydia felt a pang of bitter nastalgia when she heard Seb's old affectionate nickname for her, she was rather petite for her age but now when he used it it was as a deliberate insult, wiping away any happy memories of it from their past. She ignored it though and continued with her verbal assault more passionately.

"Well there is no _love_ involved right Seb? You just kind of take them out, use them and drop them. Sort of like a pair of old shoes rather than a love life."

Seb glared.

"What would you know? You don't date at all so you're not really qualified on the subject!"

"Guys seriously! Whatever your issues, this is _thanksgiving_ dinner so quit it or you'll both wish you were orphans."

Lydia took Blair's warning and said no more but she was far from finished. After that the parents talked about their lives and about their children in proud whispers as said offspring weren't there. The teenagers picked at their food and shot each other fiery glances in between bites.

Adele who was seven and worshipped the ground Lydia walked on (she was like real-life barbie to her) was close to tears when she heard them fighting. They all used to hang out together once upon a time, now the only time she saw Lydia was at social functions where she avoided her brother and sometimes even Adele just to keep the peace.

When did it become like this? Lydia asked herself this so many times but she knew the answer and her mother had warned her it was coming.

"_Lydia, you and Seb might not always be bosom buddies."_

They both laughed at the use of her word bosom and her father rolled his eyes but smiled adoringly at them both anyway. 

"Why not?"

Lydia, always the melodramatic one thought Serena was going to reveal Seb had a terminal illness or something. At fourteen, Lydia had believed only death would sever the connection they had nurtured all their lives.

"Because things change and guys as teenagers can be unpredictable and difficult. Right honey?"

Dan looked up from his paper.

"Well I can't say that's ever described me but I hear such males do exist."

It was Serena's turn to roll her eyes playfully but when Lydia began to cry again she stopped.

"It's okay you can always find new friends."  
  
This was after the first time Seb had ever snubbed her, he had ignored her for days at school and only snapped at her when she encountered him. He also found a new group of rich friends to follow him around blindly. All the girls worshipped the ground he walked on and the guys were dying to be near him as if his finesse would rub off. She wanted to call him but her pride had gotten in the way, she wasn't going to chase him around desperately wanting answers. Maybe he had just gone off her? Got bored of her? She wanted to weep again at the idea. Seb was her best friend and he hated her! 

Those initial few months after their estrangement were the hardest of Lydia's life. She was never lonely, her beauty and personality always recommended her to potential friends but she had to find out who she was when she wasn't with Seb and Bass-Humphrey get togethers were an awkward affair.

Blair had interrogated her son for weeks about his attitude towards Lydia until her husband had told her to butt out, for Lydia's sake Serena hung out with her best friend on her own as much as possible.

Eventually it got easier, hurt turned to resentment and Lydia found herself wondering what she had liked about Seb in the first place. She found faults in him everywhere - his ego, his shallowness, the way he treated girls. She was better off without him. What used to be still haunted her though, she had loved her childhood but now her memories of it were bittersweet and she was confused to the point of madness at what she had done to make it all this way.

At least she had her other best friend Leanne.

* * *

"He's looking at you again." 

Leanne and Lydia were eating lunch in the cafeteria surrounded by the usual gaggle of admiring males. Leanne didn't like the attention anymore than Serena, mainly because it wasn't anything to do with her and it got distracting. Lydia had learned to ignore and tune them out as if they were alone. She was completely oblivious to it most of the time anyway which only made them drool over her more.

"Is he glaring?"

"Sort of."

Leanne couldn't help herself drowning in Seb's deep brown eyes. He really was beautiful, with his flawless skin and angular jaw, don't even get her started on his body! Let's just say he definitely won the genetic lottery. His eyes were what caught most women and left them breathless though, soulful didn't even begin to describe them. Leanne felt herself getting hot and bothered just thinking about them so understandably she would have taken being glared at over invisibility any day. Leanne was pretty but next to Lydia she may as well have had gap tooth and a monobrow for all it mattered. She didn't really mind though, Lydia was her best friend and jealously never really occurred to her when her friend was so genuine.

"Just ignore him, I do. If he wants to be a prick than let him, I'm wasting no energy being affected by it."

That wasn't completely true, Lydia was affected by everything. She still got misty eyed watching nature programs where innocent zebras were being slaughtered by lions or when she accidently killed a spider. So having her once best friend stare daggers into her back definitely did something but she put on a brave face and ignored it.

"Hey Lydia."

Some of Seb's groupies were passing her table, they were so sweet and polite to her face but they were relentless backstabbers and gossipmongers. As far as they were concerned she had done something unforgivable to their darling Sebastian or maybe they were just jealous. Probably both.

"I still can't believe you guys used to be best friends."

Lydia sighed.

"Me neither."

She knew Leanne had an epic crush on Seb but then most females (and some males) did. Leanne wasn't great at concealing it, at least she knew Lydia would never tease her. Her avid interest Lydia's past with him was the most obvious indicator. She would get dreamy eyed when Lydia would reluctantly admit he was the best friend and most amazing gentlemen she knew until he became a teenager. Leanne felt she knew Seb somehow by knowing his past, she felt close to him.

"Can we not talk about him anymore? I want to enjoy my lunch in peace."

"Sorry."

"It's okay."

Nothing about her and Seb was okay anymore but if she was honest she was past caring, it was too exhausting to be so sensitive and easily hurt by him. It still happened but she hardened herself to it a little bit more everyday.

* * *

It was the subject of Leanne that had earned Seb Lydia's wrath on their thanksgiving dinner. She may have disliked him before but it could have been mended. The way he treated her best friend had earned him implacable hatred. 

"You wouldn't think it to look at you."

Seb groaned but curiosity got the better of him. Fighting with Lydia was oddly arousing.

"What's that?"

"That you actually have_ no_ _soul_."

Seb rolled his eyes.

"Always the drama queen."

The parents were watching television in the lounge but Lydia had cornered Seb in the kitchen putting away dishes. For years she had stood by and took his attitude and avoidance but this wasn't about her anymore. He had wounded someone close to her and she was determined to let him know what she thought about it.

"How did you get like this? Maybe it's your grandfather's influence, he was never the gentleman."

"Don't you dare talk about my grandfather like that."

She knew it was mean considering how much he loved Bart but she wanted to provoke him and she knew where he was vulnerable.

"Oh so you do give a shit about something other than yourself?"

Seb glared.

"You are so righteous but one day you'll slip and learn to actually be a human being not some hall monitor all the time."

Lydia laughed.

"Everyone is a hall monitor compared to you. Ted Bundy looks like a freaking saint compared to you!"

She realised how harsh and stupid that sounded but when she got emotional she found it hard to control herself. Bully boy Leonard was evidence of that.

"You are so fucked up and it's none of your fucking business!"

Seb's hands turned into fists but he had no intention of hitting her, the wall would be the only victim, if any.

"Of course it's my business! You screw over my best friend, what did you think would happen? I think you did it all just to hurt me for some insane illogical reason."

"Don't flatter yourself."

Lydia sighed, she felt exhausted and close to tears as per their usual encounter.

"Okay whatever I'm going home."

A brief flicker of sympathy passed across Seb's features but not long enough to convince Lydia he was the same boy who was once so decent.

* * *

Later in the evening Seb was on his laptop when Chuck came into his room.

"What are you doing?"

"What does it look like?"

Seb adored his father, he had no greater respect for anyone than his dad. They never told each other they loved them, it didn't need to be said unlike his mother who didn't stop telling him. He didn't relate to his mother so well although he didn't love her any less. However, there were often phases of teenage sullenness that even Chuck now had to contend with. 

"I guess I walked into that one."

"Speaking of walking in, ever heard of knocking?"

"What were you planning to jerk off to internet porn?"

Seb groaned, usually he valued his father's openness but right now he found it grating.

"No but a basic level of privacy might be nice."

Chuck was undeterred.

"Fair enough."

"So what do you want?"

Chuck sighed.

"You used to talk to me about stuff like school and girls and I just want to remind you you still can okay?"

Chuck hated pulling the father card, most of the time they were more like friends who often ganged up on their mother who was more prudish when it came to teenage issues. Seb smiled at that since his dad had confided once that Blair had been the poster girl for outrageous behaviour in her time.

"I know."

Chuck didn't want to ask if Seb was having sex even though Blair wanted to know, she found her son's dating habits rather deplorable and was just dying to lecture him into propreity. Chuck however knew the answer to that question and an affirmative reply was not what Blair wanted to hear so he never asked. Of course they had had the cringe-worthy 'talk' which had satisfied Chuck he wasn't going to be a grandfather anytime soon. Seb did seem to run through girls with disconcerting speed that rivalled even Chuck's reputation as a Casanova. However Chuck was not one to judge and only wanted his son to learn for himself and live his own life and the mistakes that went with it.

"Good."

There was an awkward silence, obviously there were going to be no open-hearted confessions tonight.

"Did mom send you up here?"

"Sort of."

"Okay, I'd rather it be you than her."

"What son doesn't? Don't worry though it's not the traumatic sex talk again."

"Thank god, it's a bit late anyway."

Chuck wasn't surprised and Seb wasn't surprised at that, which is probably why he had said it so nonchalantly.

"Anyway, I'm not going to pry into why you and Lydia are at each others throats even though it's top priority for your mother. However, it affects us when you can't have a civil conversation at social events. Whatever you are fighting about from now on keep it to yourselves."

"Or what?"

Chuck frowned.

"You really want to ask? Seb with a trust fund like yours you have a lot to lose."

Seb nodded. He knew his parents wouldn't cut him off but he also knew he was being an ass so he let it drop.

* * *

As soon as Lydia returned home early from the thanksgiving fiasco she called Leanne who was still crying. 

"Hey hun."

"What did he say?"

"Not much."

Leanne began to cry harder, not sure whether that was positive or negative but distraught anyway.

"How could he just dump me? I love him!"

"No you don't."

Lydia wondered bitterly how many other girls had thought the same thing, cried over the same rejection. Seb really was an affront to all sensible women.

"What?"

"You love what he represents, how he looks, the way he acts but that's not him, not really. Be grateful though, loving someone like him will be poison for whoever is unlucky enough to fall for him."

"I do love him! How do you know how I feel?"

"I'm not saying you don't think so, but you have to know someone to love them and no one truly knows Sebastian Bass, not even me."

Leanne took this into consideration before quietly replying.

"My hearts feels broken nonetheless. I gave him my virginity and two days later he ends it! He didn't even give me a proper reason and then I see him with Becky Rutherford attached to his face!"

Lydia shuddered at the idea of being so manipulated and used.

"You're better than him."

"I know but then why do I still want to crawl back to him and beg him to try again?"

"It's what Seb does best and you're not the first so don't worry it will pass."

Leanne was practically sobbing down the phone, if Lydia was a crappy friend she would have reminded her that she had warned her about Seb, hell everyone in school knew what he was like but she kept quiet. Even Lydia who practically hated his guts couldn't help but admire his way with words, his charming smile and now that he had grown his hair out quite long he had a sexy bad boy air about him that was a cross between Christian bale and Johnny Depp. He was the holy grail of dating opportunities but it always came with a price which was usually a giddy ascension where you felt like the only woman in the world before a rapid fall from notice.

"It will be okay Leanne I promise."

She knew that better than anyone. Mercifully a call on the other line spared her from listening to her friend's wailing.

"Hello?"

"Hey Lydia it's Nate."

Nate was supposed to be in Australia with his wife but he did check in a lot with his friends. He was due back in the country in a week after years overseas for business. She hadn't seen him since she was about thirteen at his wedding.

"Hey how are you?"

"I'm pretty good yourself?"

"Yeah hanging in there. I just wanted to wish you guys a happy thanksgiving."

"Thank you and happy thanksgiving to you too. Mom and dad are still at Blair's."

"Ah okay, aren't you supposed to be there too?"

Lydia sighed.

"Wild horses couldn't drag me back there tonight."

Nate chuckled lightly.

"Bad night?"

"Something akin to torment I'd say."

Nate smiled, she was so much like her mother, mountains out of molehills but in the most endearing way.

"What happened?"

"You don't really want to know you must have better things to do than listen to me rant on on an overseas call."

"Humour me."

"Okay."

Completely forgetting Leanne's breakdown on the other line Lydia went into details while Nate listened and gave advice. Since late in her childhood Nate had made an effort to get to know Lydia after neglecting her in the past and now she found herself chatting with him for two hours before her parents came home and took over.

"My daughter hasn't been keeping you from anything has she?"

Nate laughed.

"Not at all your daughter is as engaging as always, it's easy to forget she's only seventeen."

Serena smiled.

"Don't I know it, she's top of her class, can cook better than me and knows more about world politics than Dan which says a lot."

"I thought I heard her getting a little cynical earlier."

Nate laughed to show he was only joking but truthfully he couldn't believe where the shy little girl went. She was just as lovely as before but far more outspoken and if he dared believe it, bitter. To be all that at seventeen was impressive.

"So happy thanksgiving Nate I almost forget you'd call considering in Australia it's just another day."

"That's where my surprise comes in. I'm not in Australia."

"What exotic locale are you in now?"

"Home, which isn't that exotic but the only place I want be."

"That's so great! Are you jet lagged?"

"Insanely so but I just had thanksgiving dinner with my parents which was nice."

"Hows Rachel?"

Rachel was Nate's wife, they had a tumultuous relationship at best. She came from old money so his parents approved but she was insecure and neurotic to an almost unmanageable level. A life of high society had made her overly paranoid and jealous about everything when every other wife was having some sort of sordid affair and all thinking about trying for one which her husband. Nate at thirty six was as effortlessly handsome and charming as he had been as a teenager which was part of the problem.

"She's okay I think."

"You think?"

"We're getting a divorce."

"Oh no!"

Serena tried to feign sympathy but the truth was she didn't get on with Rachel when Nate still lived in NY due to her past with him. Rachel saw her as a competitor and acted accordingly, it was only when Rachel made some unfair remarks about her daughter being a wallflower that Serena stopped trying to be nice. Dan and Nate even got along now so she thought it was weird Rachel couldn't at least pretend to be civil.

"Yeah it's been expected, we were making each other miserable which is sad because we used to be so happy. Some things just don't work out."

His resigned tone told Serena he had processed it all a long time ago.

"I'm sorry."

"Me too but at least I'm back among friends."

"Exactly and if you're not too tired you'd be welcome to come to brunch tomorrow, we still have the turkey my mother gave us, I could make it into some soup!"

"I wouldn't miss it."

* * *

Lydia was beyond excited, Nate was coming around! He always brought her and Seb something from his travels. Lydia loved to be regaled about his exciting trips abroad where he usually found himself in some laughable situation or mishap usually due to Rachel's culture ignorance. Lydia was no fan of Mrs. Nate Archibald so she enjoyed hearing about the humiuliating blunders she usually found herself in having lived with too much money and not enough common sense. Nate getting divorced was the smartest thing she thought he had done in a while.

"Nate's here Lydia!"

Lydia quickly threw on a strappy peach dress that she thought suited the occasion and bounded down the stairs happily.

"Hey Nate!"

Nate looked up at her as if she were a stranger. Shock and anxiety were temporarily evident in his expression before it changed to happiness.

"Little Lydia is quite the young lady!"

Lydia couldn't help blushing and fiddling with her hands self-consciously.

"Mom has made so much turkey soup I think I could take it to the local shelter and feed all the homeless of New York."

Nate laughed and draped his arm casually around her as he led her into the dining room.

"I don't doubt it. Anyone else invited?"

"Like who?"

The innocence in Lydia's eyes made Nate's heart leap unusually. It was only brotherly affection he convinced himself.

"Like a boyfriend."

Lydia rolled her eyes but she couldn't help feeling something rise up in her when she felt Nate's warm grasp. What was that?"

"Why do you all assume I have to be being romanced by someone?"

Dan came in with the dishes.

"You tell him sweetie, no boy is good enough for my daughter so we have decided to wait until she's at least thirty or I'm dead for her to start dating."

They all laughed and sat down to brunch when Lydia added:

"Who knows? I could surprise you all and be a lesbian."

Nate tried his best not to imagine Lydia having a lesbian affair with another beautiful woman but he was only human, a sick depraved one at that.

There was a change in the air, Lydia could feel it although she couldn't put her finger on what it was. She didn't believe in fate or destiny but whether it was the return of a prodigal brother or her blow up with Seb, she definitely felt the excitement of possibility around her.


	2. Personal distress and suffering

_Disclaimer: Gossip girl and it's characters are not mine, only little Lydia and darling Sebastian but that's enough._

_**A/N: I'm still on holiday for awhile so updates will be fairly regular until I go back. I have an overall plan for this story if people enjoy it enough so once it starts getting angsty just remember there will be a happy ending for our youngest love birds. People have asked for more of the adults so here is some Blair/Chuck absurdity :P**_

R.I.P Sir Ed

* * *

"Sissy, I think purple would clash with the rest of the décor."

"But Blair darling purple is the 'it' colour of the year and considering this masquerade ball for the seniors will be the 'it' event of their final year I think it's only appropriate."

Blair took in a deep breath, she had never had much patience for Sissy DeMarco but considering she was on all the same committees as Blair including the PPP (parenting party-planning) board they were stuck together once again.

"Yes but the masquerade ball is traditional, elegant and I think a burgundy type red reflects that much more successfully. It's also the colour of passion and romance which I think the teenagers would like."

"Your teenager would all know about passion and romance wouldn't he?"

"Excuse me?"

"Oh no nothing dear. Well I guess since we can't decide between ourselves as the heads of the committee we'll have to put it to a vote in our meeting next Wednesday."

Blair felt compelled to mention it was only over the colour of table linen not the state of the free world but she also had to stand her ground with Sissy even if it was over something trivial, it was all about showing who had the power.

"Fine I'll talk to you then."

The actual ball in question wasn't for another couple of months but everything had to be booked well in advance when every other rich senior was hiring out the best caterers and venues for their own end of high school celebrations. It also took the nine socialite mothers on the committee weeks to decide over anything with everyone wanting their own way and the word 'compromise' so foreign it may as well have been Russian. It was times like these she wished Serena was more involved when she could have had a trusted ally going into the snake pit with her but Serena found them boring.

Blair had sold her fashion line to her mother a year ago and had since more or less been a house wife. She was sick of being too busy to take Adele shopping or hang out with Seb, she wanted time to be able to watch them grow up rather than turn up one day to their 21st birthday party regretting all the wasted time when she could have been bonding.

Chuck was supportive of the idea if it meant increased well being for his wife and children. Blair had never needed to work in the first place, now she had satisfied her ambitions he couldn't think of anything better than having his wife greet him at the door with a gin and tonic every night. It was what all her friends in their social circle were doing (although a few were trophy wives half the age of their spouses) and their husbands had never seemed happier.

Once Blair had stopped working it was so easy to fill her day she often wondered how she managed to get anything done when she had a career. She learnt lots of new recipes to try on Chuck in the evenings, kept the house clean, walked their spoodle dog Austin and looked after her children. That took time but they were just the basics; she also shopped, joined every community committee and club known to man and visited all her friends in similar positions. She even helped Serena out at the modelling agency when they were short of hands. Overall, Blair felt more fulfilled than she thought she'd be.

"Dylan is hot dad!"

Chuck laughed quietly as he put away their coats, they had just got home from Chuck's office, Seb went there to study in an empty office as he found it quieter than school and home.

"Seb you have a _girlfriend_."

"True but I can still fantasise."

"Don't let your mother hear you, your reputation as a heartbreaker doesn't sit well at her social committees when half the members are mothers of heartbroken young girls."

Blair happened to be at the top of the stairs listening intently to the conversation in the hallway.

"She's too narrow minded and uptight, if I wasn't her son I'd say she wasn't getting laid enough."

"She's doing just fine, that's all you need to know."

Blair wasn't so much outraged as she was panicked about Dylan. Dylan was a guy Blair had never met but who was Chuck's personal assistant. Chuck didn't even call him Dylan anymore he just nicknamed him 'the wonder kid' due to his cunning and amazing aptitude for everything. According to her husband he was also good looking and though Blair never asked it seemed obvious he was gay when Chuck mentioned he had broken up with his latest boyfriend.

"Hey guys!"

Blair tried to descend the stairs gracefully and push panicked thoughts of her son's recent homosexuality out of her mind.

"Hey mom."

Both Seb and Chuck looked uncomfortable after their discussion of her and hoped she hadn't heard.

"How are you today my beautiful busy socialite?"

"More or less fine. Who knew fighting over table linen and decorations could be as stressful as fashion week at work?"

"I hope you gave as good as you got."

Blair gave him a sexy smile.

"Always."

Seb felt even more uncomfortable so snuck away to the kitchen to see Adele.

"Chuck can I talk to you in private for a moment?"

"Of course, I'm intrigued."

She pulled him quickly into one of the bathrooms on the first floor.

"So Seb likes Dylan does he?"

Chuck mistook Blair's anxious tone to be about Seb's dating habits rather than homosexual tendencies.

"Don't worry I told him my work colleagues are off limits."

Blair couldn't believe Chuck wasn't more surprised, she knew he was open minded about sex and wasn't judgemental but having a gay son was a lot different than being okay with the sexuality in general.

"That's hardly reassuring! Aren't you more confused, more concerned? I mean it's come completely out of left field!"

"Seb's right you really need to loosen up, he was just making an observation he's not exactly planning a seduction. That's when we'd have to say something."

"Maybe you're right. Who am I to judge? I mean he hasn't made a statement or anything so it could just be a phase, a little experimentation! I'm surprised he was so nonchalant in mentioning it but I'm glad he feels he can be honest with us. No, it will be fine right?"

Chuck took one look at Blair's wide eyes through her insane babbling and decided to finally shut her up by crushing his mouth against hers.

"Chuck!"

"What?"

"I'm trying to resolve a family issue and you're making out with me in bathrooms like it was college!"

"So you don't want me to?"

Blair frowned.

"The children are in the kitchen."

"Yes or no?"

"My mind is still reeling!"

"_Make up_ your mind, I either leave to go and change or I stay and get you all hot and bothered before dinner."

Blair sighed, she would never be immune to his husky voice or his hot breath tickling her neck.

"Fine but-"

"No more talking."

Blair couldn't even protest, he was soon back to kissing her up against the sink. She automatically pushed herself against him as his hands went into her hair. This was the sort of welcome home Chuck could definitely get used to.

* * *

It was beyond embarrassing, Blair couldn't think of a more awkward or humiliating experience in all her thirty six years of life. That was saying something considering the scandals she suffered through growing up. This really took the fucking cake.

"Uh she had a nightmare, I was just getting her a glass of water."

Seb didn't know what was wrong with him, he wasn't moving! Luckily he was kind enough to cover his little sister's eyes with his hand so she only got a brief glimpse of the horrifying sight in front of him. Why did he need to explain himself? He should have just bolted out of the kitchen straight away but his traitorous feet were glued to the tiles.

"Seb why are you covering my eyes?"

Chuck groaned, a very different type from the ones he was emitting only a few minutes ago.

"Seb get the fuck out of here!"

"Daddy swore!"

"Chuck!"  
Blair was burning with embarrassment. She would have leapt away from Chuck if he hadn't been on top of her but that only meant revealing more nudity to her traumatised son. It was like when he was eight and this happened before, only at least it wasn't on top of the kitchen table and he was alone and wise enough to run away.

Seb had had his eyes closed for the last few moments willing the graphic images out of his memory. It was too late though, this experience was already being filed away in his brain under 'personal distress and suffering'. Finally, he found himself backing out the room with Adele clutched to him protectively, still blinded.

After being all hot and bothered before dinner, Blair was counting down the minutes until Seb and Lydia went to bed. She was so unusually turned on that she couldn't even wait to be in the privacy of their bedroom, which resulted in the indiscretion on the kitchen table.

Seb would never eat there again, no way was anything he was planning to eat going to touch the surface where his mother's bare ass had been slid up and down it practically causing her friction burns. He really regretted teasing his father about Blair not getting laid enough, now this was his punishment.

"I don't have my water!"

Seb had put Adele back to bed.

"I'll get some from the bathroom tap in a minute."

"Why did you cover my eyes earlier? Why were mommy and daddy naked on the kitchen table?"

He hated his parents for not getting a fucking room that wasn't used as public eating space, none of this would have happened if they'd kept it in their pants long enough to ascend the stairs.

"They were just mucking about."

"Why?"

"You know what? Why don't you ask mom and dad once I've left for school?"

"Okay!"

His parents could clean up their own mess, Seb already had a headache, he wasn't about to worsen it by explaining the birds and the bees to his seven year old sister.

"Night Adele."

"Love you Seb."

"Back at you little one."

* * *

"If that hadn't been the best sex we've had in quite some time I would be physically assaulting you right now!"

Chuck laughed huskily.

"Isn't that how it all started? You couldn't stop physically assaulting me before we managed to get to bed?"

"Shut up! It's all your fault with the bathroom make out session."

"What so you're blaming me for your lack of self control?"

"Well I _will not_ make that mistake again."

Chuck clasped her bra back up for her and kissed her shoulder.

"Oh please do."

"How can you find this funny?"

"Someone has be the comic relief."

Blair giggled, she couldn't help it. They laughed into each other for a few moments both realising being caught in the act by their children felt the exact same way as getting caught by their parents.

"Should we go talk to them?"

Chuck did up his trousers.

"No I think it will be just fine if we never speak of it again, pretend it never happened, it's not as if Seb's going to bring it up."

"Good point, repression all around sounds perfect!"

* * *

"You say you're Mr Bass's wife?"

"Yes."

The plump middle aged receptionist looked her up and down. Blair was certain the gucci outfit and louis vuitton bag would surely give her away but with all the polyester that woman was wearing Blair wasn't sure she'd even recognise labels. Sylvia was a well-meaning woman but she was behind the times, she used to be Chuck's father's personal assistant and a bit like a surrogate aunt to him growing up so he hired her to man the phones more out of kindness than anything else.

"You've never been here before."

Blair groaned impatiently.

"That's because I have a life."

She had never been to Chuck's offices before mainly because she liked to separate her home life with him from his job as he tended to be completely different and hardly any fun when working. Sure she had been to company parties but they were always held at his father's New York hotel which Sylvia rarely attended (claiming to be past it).

"Okay then go on through, his office is right by the break room at the back. Just look for the huge glass panelling."

Blair smiled.

"Thank you."

She opened the large doors on to Chuck's work floor armed with a basket full of home made goodies for his lunch and the curiosity to meet Dylan. She hated being out of the loop and was too impatient to wait until the next work function, she wanted to suss him out early on in the game.

It wasn't hard to find her husband's office, it was almost the length of an entire wall and was practically a conference room. There was a desk just out side of it which she assumed was Dylan's, feeling generous she took a muffin out of her basket and put it next to his computer.

"Surprise!"

She opened Chuck's door to find an annoyingly pretty young blonde standing by him laughing at something they were looking at on his computer screen. She was leaning forward to see whatever it was but Blair could see it was also a convenient way to display her ample cleavage. Luckily Chuck's eyes were on the screen and hadn't notice the boobs heaving up and down by his ear.

"Blair?"

The blonde's smile froze on her face but she quickly recovered.

"Is this the elusive Mrs. Bass? I've heard so much about you!"

For some reason being called Mrs. Bass by this perky infant made her feel old. She also didn't like the way this stranger sauntered up and offered her a hug like a valued friend, like Blair should know who she was. Instead Blair put out her hand, never forgetting her manners, which Dylan shook enthusiastically.

"Really?"

"Of course! I mean the photos of his kids on the desk prompt questions after all, most clients assume he's too young to be a father of a teenager and married."

Blair smiled politely.

"And who might you be?"

"Oh sorry! I'm Dylan Saunders his personal assistant."

Chuck had yet to utter much, instead letting Dylan introduce herself while he overcame his surprise at her appearance and saved his spreadsheets.

"_Dylan."_

Chuck smiled.

"Here's the wonder kid in the flesh."

Dylan rolled her eyes.

"If he wasn't such an awesome boss I'd scold him for over exaggerating."

Blair found everything fitting into place before her. Dylan was a _woman_, so Seb was just like always only with appalling taste. Dylan was so obviously fake! Now she knew why Chuck hadn't corrected her on the obvious mistake, after all it was less suspicious if his wife thought his PA who he spent more time with than with her was a man.

"Okay well it was nice to meet you Dylan. Could I speak to Chuck alone please?"

"Sure thing."

Dylan sauntered by, displaying her perfect figure to it's full potential and Blair now wished she'd kept the muffin to herself. Dylan would probably just throw it up after anyway, she seemed the type.

"What are you doing here?"

Blair put her basket on his desk and put her hands on her hips.

"You don't sound pleased to see me."

"No I am I'm just surprised, I have a lot of work to do too."

"Fine then I wont try and be helpful from now on, I'll just leave."

Blair knew she sounded like a petulant child but jealousy seemed to have overtook any sense of maturity.

"Don't be dramatic, I'm happy to see you. What's in the basket?"

"I made you lunch since I know you sometimes don't have time to eat."

Chuck peered appreciatively in the basket only to find gourmet salads and a savoury muffin. Chuck's lunches used consisted of very little vegetables and maximum fat and sugar to get him through the day. He was grateful though so he tried to smile about his rabbit food.

"Looks delicious."

"You're sleeping with Dylan aren't you?"

Blair's face was blank and Chuck laughed thinking she was joking.

"How did you go from considerate to suspicious that quickly?"

"It's a talent what can I say? So are you?"

Chuck frowned, it wasn't very funny anymore.

"No of course not."

"I was going for shock value to extract the truth."

"I don't know which to be offended about most, the lack of trust or the interrogation."

"Well you're the one that lied and told me Dylan was a guy, what am I supposed to think? I mean look at her she's like office barbie and you gush about her all the time!"

"I never said she was a guy I just called her Dylan which is also a _girl's_ name or my favourite of 'wonder kid'. You're the one that assumed! She's a valued employee and a good friend and if you can't handle that then I think you should spend less time with those paranoid wenches you call friends."

Chuck was disgruntled, he was used to his wife's dramatics but this was _his_ territory and being abused and accused in it pissed him off. This was his space away from Blair who even though he loved to death, could often be a pain in the ass. Now nowhere was sacred. When she first arrived he had hoped vainly she was going let him make love to her on his desk (the only place not christened) but now he didn't feel remotely attracted to her.

"Hey don't insult my friends!"

"Well don't insult _me_ or your own intelligence."

Chuck was glaring at her angrily and she felt herself shrink in her manolo blahniks. What was wrong with her? She had come all this way to do something nice and now he was looking at her like she was the anti-Christ and she wasn't entirely sure she didn't deserve it.

"She is all over you though! Her plastic breasts are practically bursting from that poor excuse for a suit she got from whores-are-us. She's practically perfect according to your own admissions and I'm not supposed to worry?"

"Okay firstly don't talk about her like that, she's done nothing to you and doesn't deserve that kind of treatment, and secondly yes you shouldn't worry because _you're_ my wife and she's my fucking PA! If you feel threatened by her than whatever but if you genuinely think I'd cheat on you than I'm not sure I can sit here and talk to you right now."

"The boss and his secretary, it's a cliché for a reason Chuck! Linda and Maxine both had their husbands leave them for less."

"Okay I think you should go, I'm getting a headache and I still have five hours of work to get done."

Blair wanted to apologize, she didn't really think he'd betray her but the panic coursing through her vains was clouding her judgement.

"Okay I'll see you tonight."

Chuck sighed as his wife left his office in a daze, Dylan waved goodbye and thanked her for the muffin but Blair didn't even notice. Chuck might have been amused or flattered about it all if he was still in high school and still an arrogant ass but he was thirty six for fuck sake! He was over all the games. He had manipulated, deceived and generally done despicable things in his time but even the worst hell raisers had to retire. He had done so decades ago so he didn't appreciate Blair treating him like she would have if he was still the seventeen year old prick.

* * *

"You're home."

Chuck put down his briefcase and took off his scarf as he approached his wife, they had both had time to calm down by the evening.

"So it would seem."

"Can you forgive me for being an insecure, neurotic bitch?"

"Well there would have to be an apology for forgiveness."

He was going to make her work for it.

"I'm sorry darling. For everything."

"What the fuck came over you?"

Blair ran a hand through her silky brown curls.

"I don't know I just I saw this gorgeous younger woman and freaked out. I'm thirty six, I don't feel it and today pretty much shows I don't act it but I'm practically forty! It's okay for you, men age like wine but soon I'll be this tired, old has-been with a husband who looks like Sean Connery and can still attractive all the Dylansof New York."

"You seriously believe that?"

"I don't know, not really but there's always a part of me that gives way to hysteria, you know that."

"Honey for a start old men look a lot more attractive with millions attached to them and you are flawless whether you think so or not. I'll love you no matter what you look like you're the mother of my children and my heart, it's you who has to accept that you wont always look like sex on legs. Besides, if you don't want to grow old gracefully there's always botox like all your friends."

Blair smiled.

"Good point. I think today my confidence just took a holiday so can we just forget the whole horrid outburst didn't happen?"

"What outburst?"

Blair kissed him tenderly.

"Thank you."

"But you coming to my office did put a delicious idea in my head for next time you feel like bringing me lunch."

Blair giggled, her body began to tingle in anticipation.

"Enlighten me."

* * *

The last few months up until Lydia's eighteenth birthday were a slow transformation for her. The relationship between Seb and herself improved, they didn't fight anymore and they even talked a bit now Seb was in a long term relationship with Becky. Since he was no longer a serial dater Lydia found him less heartless and Becky seemed nice enough despite having bitchy friends. 

That wasn't the main landmark in her life journey though, no the strangest thing occurred, Lydia fell in love. It would have been a euphoric haze if it hadn't been Nathanial Archibald.

Nate, her mother's best friend.

Nate, her mother's ex-_lover_.

It was so soap-opera that she almost hoped it was a dream. She was only a woman after all though and Nate was the star of the upper east side so she didn't feel too abnomal about it.

"Oh my god Lydia."

Lydia nodded, she had kept it a secret for months before finally divulging it to Leanne whose eyes had practically doubled in size.

"I know."

"I mean I know you guys have been hanging out heaps but I thought it was because Nate likes the idea of you as a surrogate daughter."

Lydia shuddered at the thought, she felt sick and ashamed especially when picturing her own father's face. Disappointment wouldn't begin to describe his reaction.

"Leanne we aren't carrying on with some sordid affair it's only me being stupid enough to fall for him. He hasn't done anything to deserve censure but be overly generous and charming."

"Well you have good taste, I don't think I could think of hotter man of his age other than maybe Mr Bass."

"And Eric Bana."

They both giggled but Lydia still felt hopeless. She could do nothing about any of this, she was not going to throw herself at someone twice her age and feel foolish or worse actually achieve her seduction. She was so out of her depth, she never felt very sexy so the idea of deliberately trying to sleep with someone made her feel sick with anxiety.

"So what are you going to do?"

Lydia sighed.

"Not see him anymore, no more movies or dinners or anything else, that way I can maybe get over him."

"What about when your parents invite him around?"

"I'll be polite but detached."

They both doubted Lydia was capable of being detached about anything. Nate was so much older but yet she always found herself an equal in his presence.

Lydia wished her parents' friends didn't all look like they'd just walked out of a photo shoot.

* * *

"Have you ever be in love?"

Seb and Becky had just finishing having sex, it was always the time when she posed the serious questions with Seb being spent enough to let his guard down. His parents were out at a party as usual. Chuck didn't bother asking what his son planned to do home alone because it was the exact same thing Chuck did when he was home alone with Blair. Adele was sleeping over at her friend Sophie's house. 

"What do _you_ think?"

Becky sighed.

"I think you have."

Seb raised his eyes in surprise.

"Why's that?"

"Because someone so guarded and wearied being in a relationship means they learnt from something or have had their heart broken."

"No one has broken my heart Becky."

"You still haven't answered my question."

Seb ran his hand up Becky's thigh but she held it instead, she didn't want to be distracted from what she wanted to know. Seb softened at the pleading look in her eyes.

"I really don't know."

"How can you not know?"

"It's not like there's a criteria of symptoms you can check off to prove it's there."

"It's a gut feeling though, like you instinctively know."

Seb didn't want to continue this conversation now that he had the feeling Becky was both trying to confess her love for him and at the same time convince him he felt the same.

"Love is overrated anyway."

He didn't really believe that, love had been the most consuming and elevating feeling he had ever experienced, at least before everything changed.

"Wow you are the most unromantic person I know."

She turned over in disappointment, all Seb felt was relief.

Some of what he said might not have been completely honest but he had pushed everything down for so long and it was so deep inside of him that he could actually convince himself that love was a distant idea rather than the plague that pervaded his life.

* * *

_Please Review :)_


	3. Coupling

_Disclaimer: Gossip girl and it's characters are not mine, only little Lydia and darling Sebastian but that's enough._

_**A/N: Thankyou for your reviews! You guys rock! I've realised I'm still learning so much when it comes to writing (I have a long way to go) so reviews are appreciated. **_

R.I.P Heath Leger

* * *

Dan sat down on his daughter's bed before she went to sleep. Her walls were covered with either bookcases full of second hand books (the most beloved were from him) or abstract paintings she always asked for for her birthday. Lydia was convinced they were a good investment and when she was younger she made up stories about what all the swirling colours or odd shapes meant. Some of them looked to him like something he could have vomited up on to a white canvas. He knew it was his sister's influence though as the biggest ones were from Jenny to her niece and had nurtured the value of collecting them. Still, it beat boy band posters and naked Leonardo Dicaprio calenders. 

"What are you reading hun?"

"_The Bronze Horseman_."

"Any good?"

"Definitely, it's this amazing love story set in world war two Russia."

"Sounds heavy."

"It is, but it depicts the endurance and resilience of the human heart so beautifully."

She looked down, slightly embarrassed at her passionate outburst, it was only fiction after all. Dan smiled and bent in to give her a hug.

"I love that you are my daughter. I could listen to you gush about your latest literary exploration all day! I'm glad you're not out at parties every night, I know with our lifestyle there is that temptation but I like to see some of the Humphrey genes in play."

Lydia smiled, she loved making her father proud, then Nate popped into her head and she felt guilty again.

"Thanks dad but you realise there may come a time-"

"Yeah I know but let me have my ignorance for a while longer okay?"

"Okay dad."

He kissed her affectionately on the forehead.

"You're my heart you know that? I know I work too much but I just want you to know that you are by far the best thing I ever did."

Lydia felt so humble she wanted to cry. She was a terrible person.

"Why are you saying this? Is something wrong?"

"No of course not, I just don't think you get the attention from me you deserve and I just want you to know you are everything even if I'm not with you as much as your mom."

She fell into her father in an emotional embrace.

"I'm sorry."

Dan laughed.

"For what?"

Lydia couldn't find the courage to tell her father she planned on trying to seduce his ex-rival. Reading her novels, she realised that every epic romance had an obstacle, Lydia's wasn't quite world war but she realised the strength of her character depended on following her heart and not living a half life.

"Nothing."

Dan looked confused.

"Everything alright?"

"Yeah just school stress."

"You are the smartest girl in New York you have nothing to stress about."

Lydia laughed lightly.

"If only you were on the interview panel for Yale."

"I'm sure you did excellently, just focus on the here and now, goodnight Lyd."

"Night dad."

Here and now. It was good advice.

"Hello?"

Lydia hesitated at the other end of the phone line, her father's footsteps had barely touched the first floor before she was dialling an all too familiar number.

"Hey Nate."

It was crunch time, the crosswords of the journey where little Lydia lost in the woods had to choose her path. There was the open, even path with the comfort of others walking down it or the twisting isolated path fraught with danger and excitement. Sweat began to form in Lydia's palms as she grasped the phone like a vice. Nate had yet to say anything but she could already feel herself stepping out into the winding darkness.

"Lydia how are you? Haven't heard from you for awhile."

She hated the way he said _awhile_ like he wished it had been a lot longer.

"Sorry."

"It's completely fine, you have friends your own age to hang out with."

"No I only want to see you, I've just been busy."

There was a tense pause from Nate.

"So what did you call for?"

He tried to make it sound as polite as possible.

"I thought we could meet up."

"When?"

"Now."

"It's almost eleven."

"I'm eighteen not eight I can manage a late night coffee at yours."

She was playing a part, the part of a woman twice her age who was playing for keeps. She knew she sounded forward and unusual to her own ears but she hoped it escaped Nate.

"Is everything alright?"

"Sort of, I just need some advice and mom and dad can't really help."

"Okay sure I'll get my car to pick you up."

"Thank you."

Lydia put down her book as adrenaline pumped through her body. She felt a wave of sickening regret, was she crazy? She disliked the manipulative, love-struck bimbo she had become but if she didn't set the ball rolling she would remain miserable. She quickly changed out of her pyjamas into tight jeans and a low cut top. Sexy but not obviously dressed up. Perfect.

Lydia made an excuse to her parents that Leanne was having a crisis and was going over to rescue her and might sleep over. Her father who was usually the stricter parent was ironically easy going about it all after his reassuring chat with his daughter. She felt like a villain as she kissed them both goodbye but in the end it wasn't about them, it wasn't about either hurting or appeasing them. They had their own life and love and that's all Lydia wanted.

It didn't however stop her fidgeting nervously all the way to Nate's house.

Nate was fidgeting also as he sat on his sofa waiting for Lydia. He knew why Lydia had been avoiding him, it was the same reason he hadn't persisted or seen her parents in awhile. They both felt something exciting and forbidden sparking between them whenever they were together and it had to be repressed at all costs. Therefore Lydia coming over late at night on her own wasn't exactly what Nate had in mind but she sounded distressed.

"I'm such an dick aren't I?"

He looked at his dog Murphy who in turned gazed back at him blankly, at least his labrador held no judgement. Nate finished his scotch before realising that that was his third glass tonight. Being overly tipsy wasn't usually a problem as his alcohol tolerance was practically superhuman after his adolescence with Chuck but Nate wanted to have full control of his faculties. He didn't need anymore reason to do something he'd regret.

The doorbell rang and there before him stood his breathtaking, painfully young Lydia. She was flushed and smiling which at first was so delightful to Nate that he forgot she was supposed to be a wreck.

"What's wrong Lydia? Why are you here?"

"I have a problem."

"Come in."

Nate led her to his sofa and ever the gentlemen asked her if she wanted a drink.

"White wine please."

Nate raised an eyebrow.

"What? You always let me before, you said I was an adult in your eyes and should be treated accordingly."

Nate didn't want to argue, especially when his own words were being parroted back to him. He poured her a glass. Lydia needed all the dutch courage possible if she was going to do something so terrifying uncharacteristic.

"So what's your problem Lyd?"

Nate sat down beside her, the proximity caused Lydia to down her glass in one gulp. It felt like there was electricity running through her veins as his arm draped behind her.

"I'm in love with this guy but I can't be with him."

"Why not?"

Nate wasn't sure if she was referring to himself, he found it best for his nerves and other 'organs' to assume she wasn't. He was practically an old man compared to her so he thought it more unlikely than possible. She had guys her own age asking her out after all.

"He doesn't feel the same way I don't think."

Nate laughed.

"Impossible."

Lydia turned to him and found herself drowning in his cologne, his eyes, his lips.

"Why?"

"No mortal man could resist you Lydia Van Der Woodsen."

"Even you?"

Nate drew back slightly realising he had slipped closer to her.

"Even me, if you were a bit older."

Lydia looked disappointed.

"Age is only a number."

"True but age comes with other obstacles as you well know."

Lydia nodded.

"My parents."

"Among others yes, but it doesn't matter it's irrelevant."

Lydia didn't have any words left in her, they all shrivelled up under his regretful expression and the term 'irrelevant'. Instead she stopped talking, stopped analysing, stopped thinking for once and kissed him.

He didn't kiss back at first he was so surprised but his lust overcame all his objections as his hands tangled in her hair and he pushed her down further on the couch.

Lydia was overwhelmed, Nate tasted of scotch and cigar and something she couldn't describe but instantly adored. He was moaning into her mouth, whispering to her how beautiful she was while removing her top and bra.

Then Seb appeared in her mind. He loomed there and she wasn't sure why. He seemed so painfully distant as if he was a dream of another life. She felt the beginning of something new, that and of course Nate's experienced hands undressing her and himself expertly.

It was so wrong.

This was not how Lydia pictured losing her virginity until Nate began to arouse every nerve ending in her body and then she didn't care if it was on his expensive sofa with his dog watching from the rug.

It was so wrong but it felt like the most amazing intimate journey she would ever take with anyone else. That couldn't be wrong could it? She had definitely been reading too many sappy romance novels.

Nate was gentle, he didn't ask if it was her first time, he knew her well enough to assume it was and therefore acted with all the self-restraint and seriousness such an event deserved. He wanted Lydia to remember him giving her pleasure the first time anyone ever moved inside her, he wanted to explore her and taste every inch of her so she could reminisce that she was worshipped not fumbled with by some teenage boy on her first sexual encounter.

Lydia couldn't remember how many times she cried out his name, all her propriety and embarrassment at being so exposed underneath him with her legs open and chest heaving had vanished in her need to reach climax and have him closer. He smiled into her stomach as he made a saliva trail down past her navel before tasting her most sacred spot. Everything about her was captivating and fresh. He was so hard it hurt but he wasn't going to enter her until he was sure she was ready. He'd have to wait.

"Please Nate."

Nate came back up to kiss her passionately.

"Please Nate what?"

"Please-"

She hated not being able to complete full sentences, she was so drunk on him.

"Yes?"

He laughed at the frustrated look on her face and kissed her nose.

"I want you-"

"You sure?"

Lydia nodded enthusiastically and as if to prove the point she reached down and held him. He gasped in surprise at her boldness as she began to stroke him shakily. He couldn't stand much more so he finally broke into her as carefully as he could.

Lydia didn't cry out but he could tell from the way she was gripping him that it had hurt her.

"You alright?"

"I am now."

She smiled tearfully up at him and stroked his face.

"I think I love you Lydia. It's fucking insane but I do."

She thought back to the months they had been inseparable, the magical moments when nothing existed but them and the way they connected in a way she thought only happened in her fiction.

"Me too."

Something stung in her heart, it wasn't what she was feeling for Nate, that was felt like walking on air. This was a vague sensation of loss, a nastalgia for she knew not what. Nothing could be perfect though, this would have to do.

* * *

"Are you sure you have to go?"

Lydia nodded as she got dressed.

"It's less complicated that way and I don't want Leanne to have to lie for me if my parents call in the morning."

"I understand. Come here."

Nate took her into his arms.

"I'm not sure what you want to happen now Lyd but it's up to you."

Lydia looked up at him.

"You have a lot more to lose than me Nate."

"Yeah but look what I've gained."

Lydia smiled.

"I'm going off to college soon so maybe we could see each other secretly until then and then maybe you could rent a place near the university and we could be like a normal couple. I mean I don't expect you to move for me or anything but you could visit for a while or something when my parents aren't."

Lydia felt embarrassed at how carefully she had planned it in all her romantic daydreaming of their then impossible future.

"You're rambling."

"Well?"

"Whatever you want."

"Thank you."

"You should get going."

Lydia kissed him goodbye and travelled home. She thought of calling Leanne but she didn't want to ruin it.

* * *

Leanne caught up with Lydia on the way to lunch.

"Hey girl how are you doing?"

"I'm fine, how are you?"

"Good yeah, so did you make any progress on mission Archibald?"

"Shh!"

"Well?"

"No."

"Sorry."

"It's okay I'm just forgetting about it all."

"Good idea."

She hated lying to her friend but it was simpler that way. She hadn't talked to Nate for a few days. She felt so guilty not only about her parents but for putting Nate in a difficult position. It was times like these she really missed being close to Seb, he knew what to do about everything. They had been sitting together to eat lately and talking more and more so she was glad to see room next to him again today. She was pretty sure he left it deliberately for her considering no female in their right mind would pass by such an opportunity.

"I have to go to a study session for chemistry."

Lydia waved her off. 

"I'll be fine, go exercise that brain."

A few weeks ago Lydia would have thought chemistry revision was an excuse to not sit near Seb but true to Lydia's word Leanne had more or less gotten over him.

"Hey Seb!"

As soon as Seb saw Lydia approach him, his face hardened in a way Lydia had never seen before. It was like he had shut down. He said nothing to her and when she sat next to him he got up and left without explanation.

"What's his problem?"

Becky shrugged. Seb was a mystery to her, an addictive, confusing mystery. Most of the time he seemed so distant and treated her like anyone else but she was comforted in the fact he was with her when he could have had anyone else. She was what he wanted and that would have to be enough. He was obviously emotionally retarded somehow so she was willing to be patient.

"Life sucks."

Lydia stabbed disdainfully at the chips on her plate and Becky laughed, golden child Lydia Van der Woodsen was finally showing some sort of emotion.

"I couldn't agree more."

Lydia looked at her sorrowfully causing Becky to pay more attention to her nails, Lydia had the look of someone pulled apart by love and it was so similar to herself that she a weird affinity with her.

"I can't believe you would touch _those_."

Amber Grayson, a pretty Asian girl whose father's company worked with Chuck's, stared disgustingly at Lydia's meal. All those at the table were the elite of the elite, both rich and attractive who ate like sparrows and flocked together like seagulls.

Amber ordered in sushi everyday, she couldn't retain her figure without it and her personal trainer Hans. She therefore resented fat and carbohydrates being temptingly flaunted in front of her.

"I _like_ chips."

Amber liked Lydia less than her food, mainly because she brought Leanne to their group who was beyond plain. Lydia didn't act like she had money or prestige, it was all wasted on her and Amber thought she was mad because of it. If Seb didn't make the rules she would have kept on bitching about Lydia like she had always done but a few months back Seb found a soft spot for his old friend and now she had to tolerate her.

"Well they smell foul."

Lydia rolled her eyes. Amber hated her because when they all went to pre-school together Amber didn't get a look in on her friendship with Seb. Ever since Amber had clawed her way to social status, as well as hoping to insinuate herself somehow into Seb's heart, if only to consolodate her power. A sort of merging of assets, not unlike those of their father's.

"Your point?"

"My point is maybe you should sit somewhere else."

"Thanks for the suggestion but I'm going to have to say no."

Amber looked to her friends for support but they were followers, they didn't voice opinions, they only echoed the ones of people they wanted to impress. That person was always Seb and since Lydia had recently been in his good graces more than Amber they sat on the fence. Amber was simmering with frustration.

"Lydia not that I don't mind you sitting with us lately but there isn't really enough room for Leanne as well, it would be better if you just sat with her somewhere else."

Thank goodness Leanne wasn't here to listen to this, she had low self esteem as it was, hearing the queen bee bitch about her would send her into a breakdown. Sitting at the 'popular' table had boosted Leanne's ego to the point that she didn't even mind being in proximity to Seb and his outrageous flirting with Becky. Lydia would be damned if Amber ruined that.

"There's plenty of room, if you're not happy perhaps you should move."

Amber opened and shut her mouth like a fish trying to formulate an answer to such an outrageous and offensive suggestion. The entire table were holding their breath with excitement, this was cattiness at it's best.

"Does it really matter? There's enough room for everyone so just let it go."

Lydia wanted to hug Becky for coming to her aid, but Becky continued to stare at her plate. Going up against Amber for someone she barely knew was social suicide most of the time but she felt compelled to help her. Besides, being Seb's girlfriend meant she was secure socially no matter what.

"Whatever."

Amber stood up and walked away as her two followers Lora and Vicky robotically did the same.

"Thank you."

Becky shrugged her shoulders.

"No biggie."

"Yes it was, I'd offer you a chip as further thanks but apparently they are an affront to all women."

"I'll take one either way, I'm starving."

Lydia slid the plate over to her new friend.

"I'm sorry Seb just left without saying anything."

Becky wasn't sure whether she liked talking about Seb with Lydia or not.

"Why should you be sorry?"

"I think it was my fault. He's obviously annoyed at something I've done again."

Becky couldn't help her curiosity, everyone knew of how Seb and Lydia were practically betrothed all their lives only to part ways poorly earlier in high school. Seb never mentioned her so Becky never asked but it was a prevailing mystery to all including Lydia it seemed as to why they split.

"What happened with you guys?"

Lydia wouldn't usually discuss that sore subject with anyone but she owed Becky. In fact she was surprised Becky didn't know, she was sure Seb was venting about her to someone but apparently not.

"I have no idea, he just stop talking to me and began treating me like a leper."

Becky frowned.

"That's so weird."

"Yep."

"Must've hurt."

"More than he probably cares to know but I'm over it."

"Good for you. I'm not blind to the ass that can sometimes be my boyfriend."

Lydia laughed.

"You have to be the first girl he's dated who isn't which is probably why you've lasted so long. I think it's great you're still together."

"Thanks. It's not easy being his girlfriend. All the other girls are so fucking two faced, it looks like everyone is my friend but truthfully no one is."

"Well that's not me but that's definitely high school for you."

"I know but I always thought you hated me."

Lydia frowned in confusion.

"Why would you think that?"

"We never really talked and after Seb dumped Leanne for me I thought you'd dislike me on principle."

"I'd never judge _you_, this is Seb whose been known to charm married women into his bed so I can understand why you'd date him. It's Seb who concerns me but I tried to overlook it when he showed interest in being friends again. Well at least until an hour ago."

Lydia looked so disappointed that Becky pushed over her coke for her to take a sip of.

"I'll talk to him and find out what his problem is."

"Thank you Becky."

"No biggie."

They ate in comfortable since for the rest of lunch. Becky was distracted with thoughts of Seb as usual and Lydia was pondering whether to go and see Nate after school.

* * *

_**A/N: There is not much of the parents this chapter but I'll make up for it in the next one! So what did guys think?**_


	4. The dark side

_Disclaimer: Gossip girl and it's characters are not mine, only little Lydia and darling Sebastian but that's enough._

_**A/N: So I don't have chapter plans or anything for my stories (I probably should) I just write and see where it takes me. This chapter is more snippets of life over a certain amount of days, it skips forward chronologi**__**cally here and there mainly because this story is Seb/Lydia not Nate/Lydia. **_

**_To _**StarSapphire16: Yep her last name is Humphrey but Nate tends to call her Van Der Woodsen because it's her mother's maiden name and it was used to show even though Nate doesn't realise it, he still sees her as a mini-Serena. Good obersvation though!

If you guys have any other questions I'm happy to answer them :)

* * *

"You've met someone haven't you!"

Serena was grinning with barely suppressed glee, this was the part of parenting she was _made_ for, now she was finally able to use it! Boy advice was her forte with all her 'experience' and the same mixed blessing of being devastatingly pretty.

Lydia felt herself going red guiltily, how come her emotions always had to be so plain on her face? Nate said it was what he loved about her but it could also be a pain in the ass.

"Why do you say that?"

"The fact you're standing in front of the mirror trying on your entire wardrobe with a critical eye."

"I just like to look nice and I want to sort out what I don't fit anymore."

"That is the lamest excuse ever, you've been whistling and gazing dreamily off into space for the last few days. You're either on some sort of anti-depressants or you've got a thing for a lucky guy."

"Why does my happiness have to stem from something male-related? Why can't I be fulfilled as a woman for just being me and enjoying my life?"

It was surprisingly easy to sound righteous while being a complete hypocrite because it was what she wished was true. Life would be so simple if the male race didn't exist.

"Oh c'mon I have to be able to offer wisdom and advice to you sometime, you have to start dating before you get too old and you wont need me for anything."

"Mom I need you for _everything_, dad's my moral compass but you've lived my life closer than dad ever has, you know the pitfalls and I take everything you say seriously."

If you had ever advised me not to date a man twenty years older than me I might have listened. 

"Not everything I hope, I've been known to say some out there things."

Serena was touched by her daughter's words. She may have been a daddy's girl but no one understood a daughter better than her mother. Or so she thought, if she had known who the 'lucky guy' was she might have reconsidered such a confident belief.

* * *

"Lydia I can't do this right now."

"Do what?"

The innocence in Lydia's voice painfully emphasised Nate's concerns.

"_Us_."

Lydia was more grateful than ever that she exercised caution and called Nate instead of going over to see him. She was around for dinner once when Blair popped over to bring Nate a casserole for the divorcee who couldn't cook for himself. Lydia had to practically dive behind the couch with her dinner plate to avoid detection. She still had the bruises to prove it so calling first had become a priority in their relationship.

"Tell me what the problem is and we'll fix it."

She loathed the desperation in her voice, she had no idea who she was anymore other than a lost little girl playing games with someone twice her age and twice as good at it. It had been a hot and cold affair the past few weeks with Nate's conflicted emotions impacting on their relationship. There would be days like these where Nate would declare they couldn't carry on lying to everyone and participating in something that would end in tears. There were the other days though, the days Lydia cherished where Nate would take her out and gaze at her in a way that made all the complications worth it.

"The problem? The problem is you're a child and I feel like a criminal, _that's_ the problem."

Lydia swallowed the hurt she felt and persisted.

"I'm not a child we both know that and if a crime is being happy then we should both be in jail."

Nate didn't know what to say or do as usual. He was so out of his depth he couldn't focus on anything anymore. Being with Lydia was affecting his work, it was infecting everything he had worked so hard for. Sure, he wanted Lydia more than anything but he loved her too much to continue with something that would inevitably blow up in their faces and affect everyone she cared about. At least that's what he told himself, he was mainly thinking of the reaction Serena would have if she ever found out. He'd be shut out of her life for good this time, no second chances. Somehow she hadn't crossed his mind until now, it was either betray someone he had loved and known all his life or end an affair with an infatuated teenager who could move on.

"Sometimes love isn't enough Lydia, one day you'll learn that. I have to go."

She didn't want to cry. She didn't want to be Leanne sobbing down the phone after realising she had lost her virginity and her heart to someone who couldn't give her a future. The tears fell anyway and the suffocating helplessness threatened to overwhelm her. Life really fucking sucked.

* * *

Adele and her parents were playing monopoly on a windy Friday night while Seb was out cultivating his reputation with Becky. Chuck couldn't believe how much he enjoyed playing board games on a Friday night when partying to unconsciousness used to once be a better fit. He kicked ass at monopoly which only enhanced it's appeal even if Adele complained that being a real estate tycoon in real life gave him an unfair advantage.

"I'll buy it!"

Blair groaned in frustration.

"Chuck stop being so fricking greedy!"

Frick and or fricking had become a well used non-word in the Bass family having replaced a rather more graphic swear word around their daughter. It held none of the same satisfaction and sounded a bit stupid but it had become so automatic that Chuck found himself bellowing at an employee Ned to 'get a fricking move on'. Needless to say it didn't produce the sombre expression from he was going for.

"You're only saying that because I took the last orange you needed to get a set."

"Aren't you captain obvious? You already have hotels on the green and blue as well as bankrupting Adele faster than the toy store on fifth avenue so why can't you at least be a little nice and let me have it?"

"Nice? When have I ever been described as nice? You know when? Never. You know why? Because nice guys end up with Nikki Forresters not Blair Waldorfs."

Adele screwed up her face in confusion, her parents always play fought and it slowed the game up, but since she was losing she was happy to prolong her failure in the hope of recovery.

"Who's Nikki daddy?"

"_Exactly_ Adele! _Exactly_!"

He rubbed her back affectionately even though she had no idea how her question had become a right answer but she liked when her daddy smiled at her like that. Blair rolled her eyes and handed him over bow street.

"You are mean."

She wish she could come up with something more scathing but she was distracted with the blow to her strategy for domination now bow street was lost.

"I'm playing the game as it was meant to be played, I'm not a fricking charity."

"Will you at least then trade it for something of mine?"

Chuck looked her subtly up and down while Adele meticulously sorted her money into piles. A charming smile spread across his features.

"What did you have in mind?"

"A train station and $200."

"Frick off!"

"Frick you then."

They both laughed slightly.

"What about if I rendered _certain_ services at a later date in exchange for said property and also if you spare Adele the next time she lands in your empire."

Chuck grinned.

"Whether you lose quickly or humiliatingly slowly is all the same to me."

He passed over the precious bow street and Blair gave him a soft kiss in thanks.

"You do have a heart after all."

"It beats only for you my shockingly bad monopoly princess."

Blair scoffed at his obvious cheesiness but kept her smile.

"You said I was the monopoly princess daddy!"

"I did? Of course I did but I change my mind, you have been promoted to monopoly queen."

"Cool! Although I think being a queen of anything in real life would suck."

Blair moved her money bags three spaces.

"Why's that sweetie? Travel, prestige, infinite wealth can't be all bad!"

"But in the old days you just got sold off to some foreign prince like one of daddy's property deals. You might get to dress up but what would be the point if it's for some old man you don't really know but have to marry?"

"You put a lot of thought into it and you make a good point. Are you sure you're only seven?"

"I read a lot about it with Seb, remember when he used to read me all the princess stories?"

"Yeah."

"He said it was better to dream of being one than wanting to actually be one which I thought was stupid as who doesn't want to be a princess? He told not being with the one you love was like being trapped in a tower like Rapunzel!"

She shuddered slightly at the thought.

"I'm sure some of them were happy."

"Yeah well I want to stay being me."

While Adele was explaining herself obliviously to her mother Chuck had snuck some extra fake notes into her piles, he might want to beat Blair but it didn't mean his little girl had to suffer. His wife pretended not to notice.

"I'm glad Addy, we don't want you getting any false airs or marrying away from us too early. We love you as you are."

"Even as queen of monopoly when you're only a princess?"

"As queen of monopoly, princess of chess, dame of checkers, lady of snakes and ladders, duchess of connect four and Mrs Peacock of cluedo."

Blair began tickling her as she recited overdramatically, real estate domination was all but forgotten as Chuck defended his girl against his wife by assaulting her with his hands also. Soon there was shrieking and laughing and little consideration of the green houses and red hotels scattered all about the room.

* * *

It had been three days since Nate had not-so-gently broken off his relationship with Lydia. He didn't worry she'd reveal everything to her parents out of spite, she wasn't like that but it didn't make him feel any better. How did he get himself into these positions? He thought he had learnt from his drama with Serena and then he goes and sleeps with her daughter. He was fucked up and he deserved to feel like a villain. He loved Lydia though, that was the best and worst part about it all. He wasn't with her out of spite or revenge, he had never meant to hurt her but he could only wonder if she had been anyone else's kid would he have made such an effort? He had always wanted some part of Serena to cling to, but he hated himself for not seeing it sooner.

"I'm sorry."

He didn't say it to anyone in particular as he couldn't bring himself to call the one who it is meant for, it lingered in the empty room as he contemplated his many regrets.

* * *

Dan was at the office less and less as the weeks progressed. He had seen something in his daughter that scared him. Serena was annoyingly upbeat and optimistic about the latest developments in their daughter but he didn't want to see Lydia with rose-tinted glasses, he wanted to see her as she was so he could help her.

"Something is wrong with her."

Serena sighed.

"She's worried about whether she got accepted into Yale and everything is changing for her at this age that's all."

"I barely see her touch her food and she goes out to parties only to come home so drunk Leanne has to try carry her upstairs."

"She's just having some fun after finals she's just like everyone else her age."

"But she's not, she's our daughter _that's _the point. She is smart and responsible and now suddenly she goes out every night and barely talks to us."

Serena was silent for a moment.

"I don't want to lecture her about it and push her further away. She is smart you're right and you just have to have faith she'll come to us if she needs to."

Dan was never ready for a teenage Serena all over again but here she was and he was out of his depth as a father.

* * *

After Nate ended things with Lydia they had successfully avoided each other but it didn't mean she didn't hear Serena excitedly discussing Nate's liaison with the mayor's daughter. Something had snapped in Lydia, she was sick of being what others wanted her to be. Seb was back to hating her again and Leanne had distanced herself from Lydia after her wild behaviour had got her in trouble with own parents. Her only ally lately had been Becky who had proved a trustworthy and loyal friend despite still dating the guy that despised her.

"So tonight I think we should hit a few clubs before the weather changes."

Becky was clapsed her hands together awkwardly.

"I'd love to but I'm seeing Seb tonight sorry."

Lydia smiled. She didn't want her friend to feel guilty when she could quite happily party on her own. She always had enough male attention to keep her from ever getting lonely.

"That's totally fine."

"Have you seen Nate lately?"

Lydia cringed, alcohol and other new distractions had dulled the pain of losing him but hearing his name still twisted something deep inside of her.

"No."

Lydia had told Becky about her relationship with Nate because she was too ashamed to tell Leanne and Becky didn't judge. She just needed to vent to someone or she felt she was going to collapse under the misery and isolation.

"Anyway I have to go to class so I'll see you later."

Lydia left only to encounter Leanne in the hallway.

"Hey Lee."

Leanne smiled brightly as if nothing was wrong.

"How are you Lyd?"

"Fine you?"

"Yeah great."

"Are you busy tonight?"

"Not really why?"

"I was thinking of hitting the town and wondered if you wanted to join."

Leanne looked conflicted, she missed spending time with her best friend and if that had to be while sneaking into clubs she'd make it work. She'd stopped hanging out with her long enough not to earn anymore of her parents wrath, she wanted to be there for her again. However thingd would have to be different.

"Will it be like last time when it took us an hour to get home because you vomited every half block? Or the time when I had to haul you to your living room just to let you pass out on the couch then get caught by your parents?"

Lydia felt sick just at the memory. This was never supposed to be her but that could be said for a lot in her life. She was finding out what sort of person she was and at the moment this Lydia liked to do all the things she used to look down at Seb for doing.

"No don't worry I'll be on my best behaviour I promise."

Her friend smiled, relieved.

"Okay then I'm in."

"Great!"

* * *

"Where are you going?"

Dan tried to sound as unrehearsed as possible, as soon as he saw Lydia descending the stairs in a dress that looked like lingerie he had decided to have the conversation he dreaded.

"I'm just going out daddy."

_Daddy_. The way she used it was like a slap in the face to hm, a tool of appeasement and persuasion to achieve what she wanted. There was nothing innocence about it anymore.

"Out where?"

Lydia hated her father's confused, concerned eyes. He was staring at her as if she was a stranger. He could still make her feel guilty and that was annoying as hell. Still, she wasn't going to conform to his expectations anymore. He was happy, everyone around her was happy with what they had except her, she wasn't going to sit around and watch it anymore.

"Just to a gig with Becky."

"Will you be home after?"

"Yeah of course."

"Fine then I want you home before one and if I smell alcohol I will ground you, do you understand?"

"Dad!"

"Yes that's right, _I'm_ the parent and you're _eighteen_ not twenty one as you seem to act. If you wanted to talk to me and let me in with whatever is happening in your life I'd be ecstatic but since you want to treat me like an idiot I'm going to take a hard line."

"Fine whatever."

"Also I'm going to assume you are putting jeans on under that top right?"

"It's a dress dad."

"No that _really _isn't and you're not wearing it out."

"Why are you always so controlling?"

"Because I want to sleep easy at night knowing my daughter is safe from rapists and sleazes which a 'dress' like that can only attract."

"You are so fucking judgemental! Just because you never did anything remotely interesting with your adolescence doesn't mean you can sit on your high horse and look at me like that!"

Dan wasn't sure what shocked him most, the swearing, the inaccurate description of his past or the venom with which it was spoken. He was sure he didn't deserve it and couldn't believe it was coming out of his Lydia.

"Mom help me!"

Serena had just entered the room hearing the commotion.

"What would you like me to say? Your dad is completely in the right."

"So one parent is a self-righteous jerk and the other is a hypocrite, great!"

Even Lydia couldn't believe what she was saying, all the blame she had for Nate was being inflicted full force on to her parents. She hated being so angry and this felt like the only resolution. Dan squared his jaw and tried to ignore her words.

"This just proves to me you're not mature enough to have so much independence so I'm grounding you."

"_What_?"

Lydia had never been grounded in her life. It was the latest indicator that things were far from okay in the Humphrey household.

"You heard me. Get used to the four walls of this house as you aren't leaving them until school."

Lydia smiled bitterly.

"So after years of putting your career ahead of me you've suddenly decided to play disciplinarian? Maybe if my father had made me feel worth _anything_ when I was younger I wouldn't be like this."

Dan was speechless so Serena took over.

"Lydia go to your room before you say something you'll really regret."

Dan's hurt expression told Lydia she already had, she immediately felt horrible although not yet ready to apologise.

Dan was still staring at his hands after Lydia had gone upstairs so Serena sat next to him and kissed him.

"She's a teenager she doesn't mean it."

"What if she does though? What if I asked her to talk to me and she just did. I was never there for her like my dad was for me, I tried but I was so caught up with work."

"Don't feel guilty for wanting to build a life for your family. Besides me, Chuck, Blair we've all had more dismissive parents than you and we dealt with it. Whatever she's going through it's not because of us, she just knows how to manipulate you that's all."

"Well that's just great."

"You're the adult here darling you have to grow a tougher skin."

Serena was right but Dan didn't think he'd ever need one. Serena had been the target of gossip, spite and attention all her life so she had practically become immune to nasty comments but hearing them from your own flesh and blood had struck Dan hard.

"I know you're right."

Where was _raising rebellious daughters for dummies _when you needed it?


	5. Weight Lifting

_Disclaimer: Gossip girl and it's characters are not mine, only little Lydia and darling Sebastian but that's enough._

_**A/N: There isn't much Blair/Chuck this chapter as it's the 'big reveal' for certain characters but to make up for it I wrote a Chuck/Blair one shot called 'nothing says I love you like a slap in the face' so check it out if you're having C/B withdrawl :P**_

**_Also I'm starting back at school next week so updates will be harder, if there is still interest though I'll try update more regularly. I'll see how things go and maybe set a day I'll update on so you'll know when to look back._**

* * *

Lydia was fuming, she was frustrated beyond belief at her father and herself. She hadn't inherited a short temper or bitchiness from either of her parents which was probably why they stared at her like she was naked with a shaved head when she had fought with them. It didn't matter, who cared if she shaped out to be like neither of her parents? She had to quit seeing herself and all her accomplishments through their eyes or she'd go mad. The fury didn't last long, soon sense returned and she slammed her latest (and neglected) novel against her head.

_No more attacking yourself you weirdo! The book certainly doesn't deserve it._

Instead she called Leanne as a distraction.

"Hey Lee I'm grounded so we'll have to postpone our plans."

"That's okay but grounded? You're parents are cool, they never give you a hard time, what did you do?"

"I was being a bitch, I should have just nodded my head and did as I was told."

"Too late now though."

"Yeah."

There was an awkward pause. Leanne wanted to say so many things that had been bugging her and over the phone was much easier.

"What happened to us?"

Leanne's broken voice hit Lydia like a ton of bricks. The sense of déjà vu was overwhelming. She was asking herself that same question about Seb once. She had pushed away her best friend just like _him_, berated others for being judgemental over her wild ways just like _him_. Her and Seb now had so much in common she wondered if he had been screwed over by an older person just like _her_.

"It's my fault, I'm sorry."

"Just _talk _to me."

"Heartbreak is destructive. They never tell you that, you'd think just the general breaking of such a precious part of you would be bad enough but then the consequences just leave a trail of ruin and regret until you don't know who you were before it all."

A weight was lifting off of her as she spoke her anguish out loud. Leanne understood what she was talking about, not just the heartbreak (thanks to Seb) but also who it was about. She had always wondered what happened with Nate but she hadn't pried, instead she waited hopefully for Lydia to divulge.

"It's about _him_ right?"

"Yep, I lied to you."

"You had something other than unrequited love?"

"Yeah. Requited, consummated, consuming love until I didn't. He broke it off for reasons I couldn't understand then but now appreciate. Sometimes I wonder if it was just infatuation and I'm glad he ended it, only sometimes though."

"He was a dick for starting anything with you anyway. He should know better."

"Maybe but I'm glad he did, even after all the misery it was still worth it."

"You still love him?"

"I don't know, I miss him but it's hard to know what love is in the first place. Everything is so confusing."

"So that's why you joined the cliché of the upper east side teenager?

"Mainly but I also think I just wanted to experience something, being with Nate opened me up to other things."

"I really don't need details."

Lydia laughed.

"I just mean I'm more adventurous.'

Leanne giggled in return.

"What you do in your sex life is none of my business."

"Shut up! What sex life? Being with an older guy for a month doesn't really count. I'm not sleeping around or anything."

"Thank god, I wasn't sure."

"You know me."

"I thought I did."

"I'm becoming that person again slowly, bare with me. Thank you for not judging."

"You're welcome."

She knew she loved Leanne then, she had stuck by her and held no grudge or judgement. She didn't deserve such a good friend but it gave her a swelling feeling of ease knowing people of that calibre cared for her. She might not have a great romantic love but she did have great loves.

"So hows your love life? Can't be any worse than mine!"

After talking to her best friend Lydia felt lighter, definitely better than she had in weeks. She was only eighteen after all, she had learnt how to love, known the beauty of it and was sure she could love again. Plus hearing about Leanne's crush on a cute guy called Dean cheered her up. If Leanne could bounce back, so could she.

* * *

"Dad?"

Dan was sitting reading the newspaper on the sofa where she had left him.

"What?"

His voice seemed resigned for another screaming match.

"I'm sorry for what I said. I didn't mean it."

Dan nodded but couldn't smile.

"Apology accepted but you're still grounded."

"Even if I just want to go around to Seb's in jeans and a baggy jumper?"

"Why?"

His eyes were narrowed in suspicion, she didn't really blame him.

"I want to talk with him, mend some other bridges. You can even call Blair and check I'm there if you're worried."

Dan stared intensely at her, trying to read the lies in her face but there were none and positively he saw a much more open countenance.

"Fine, only for an hour."

"Thank you!"

Ten minutes later Serena entered the sitting room and curled up in her husband's arms to watch TV.

"Is Lydia still in her room?"

"Nope."

"Where is she?"

"Around at Blair's."

"You do realise grounding requires the person to actually remain in the house?"

"She made a compelling argument for temporary withdrawal of the grounding."

"You are such a softie."

"What can I say? Pretty blondes win me over every time."

* * *

Lydia entered out into the warm night in the direction of Seb's house without any idea of what she going to say but knowing she wanted her friend back. Seb was the only person who had ever made her feel worth more than a pretty face when they were younger. He saw past her beauty, truly knew her and had cared for nonetheless. Of course in their teenage years he had also made her feel worth nothing but she wanted to forget it all, she knew what it felt like to lash out like he had obviously done.

"Hi Blair."

Blair put her hand to her chest to calm her heart.

"What's wrong? Is you mom okay?"

"Yeah everything's fine I just wanted to talk to Seb."

Blair opened the door wider in pleasant surprise.

"He's up in his room."

Adele came out of the living room.

"Lydia hi!"

Lydia hugged her tenderly.

"How are you? You're getting so pretty."

Adele blushed.

"I'm great thanks."

Great was a bit of stretch, Adele missed her brother. He was there for dinner and was physically present in the house but he might as well have been off at university already for all the time she spent with him. He barely paid her any attention and she was too proud to ask him to be the wonderful big brother he used to be. So she was stuck have all the disadvantages of being an only child as well as all of the ones of having a brother.

* * *

Blair practically skipped into her husband's office excitedly.

"Chucky bear."

'Chucky bear' shook his head in disgust.

"I wont answer to such an absurd nickname."

"You're right it sounded stupid as soon as it came out of my mouth, I'm just trying some new stuff."

Chuck swirled around in his computer chair to face her. He beckoned for her to sit on his lap.

"Chuck, Bass and sex god are all good enough."

He nuzzled into her neck which made her squeal lightly.

"If you say so, just never say I'm the rigid one that never wants to mix it up."

"Darling when I said that I was talking about sex not about nick names unless you mean the ones we use in the bed-"

"-You know what I mean! Besides I like being rigid if it means no more traumatised offspring seeing me in my birthday suit."

"We should have brought them up as nudists like I suggested, that way we could see each other naked all day long."

"You're still as perverted as always."

"It's the best way to be. So what's the reason for the jubilant mood? Is Patrick Dempsey divorcing?"

Blair rolled her eyes.

"No idiot, Lydia is over!"

Chuck raised an eyebrow.

"Is she here to see Adele?"

"Nope."

"Then you should keeping your ears open for noises such as broken glass or thudding. I don't want to be cleaning any bloodstains off the walls."

"Don't be so dramatic, she didn't seem worked up. They're probably making up and falling in love as we speak."

Chuck groaned at the dreamy look in his wife's eyes. She really was relentless.

"No wonder Seb doesn't talk to you about his love life."

Blair slapped him across the head in annoyance.

"Can't you be a little positive and romantic?"

Chuck grinned.

"I love you?"

That was not a fair way to win an argument, it only meant they ended up kissing in a way that didn't prove Blair right although it was equally as satisfying.

* * *

Seb was watching television restlessly. He should have been out enjoying the end of exams with Becky like he had planned but he couldn't find the motivation. Everything would be changing soon anyway, he might as well be prepared. He wasn't quite prepared for the change of having Lydia knocking on his door however. 

"Adele I'm busy!"

"It's not Adele."

Seb froze at the familiar voice behind the door. His room was a tip but he was more concerned with the reason for her visit so he rushed to the door to satisfy his curiosity.

"Hi."

The truth was he couldn't be resentful towards Lydia, even if he didn't talk to her he had watched her astutely recently. He knew she had had her heart broken and she had gone through a similar rebellion as himself for the same reason. She wasn't irreproachable anymore and it made him more willing to know her.

"What can I do for you Lydia?"

He smiled at her slightly. He couldn't believe he had smiled! Months of hard work being a distant bastard and one minute alone with her and he was already undoing it all.

"I wanted to see you."

"Here I am."

"Can I sit?"

Seb moved awkwardly to the side so Lydia could sit on his bed.

"Your room hasn't changed much."

The walls were a miss match of bookshelves, playboy posters and Adele's paintings of him as a stick man she did when she was five.

"Yeah."

"I thought you were out with Becky tonight."

It never stopped being disturbing that his girlfriend was so close to Lydia, he knew more about her life than she knew simply by listening to Becky talk.

"Change of plans. Why did you come around if you thought I'd be out?"

Lydia laughed awkwardly, she could feel her face burning under the intense scrutiny of his eyes.

"I'm not sure. Coming to speak to you was kind of intimidating so I guess I wanted a reason to be able to chicken out."

He nodded slowly. He was at a complete loss for words so he'd let her do the talking considering she obviously had something to say.

"So."

He let the word hang in the air changing the atmosphere to something more tense. It was so thick Lydia practically blurted out what she had so articulately planned in her head on the way over.

"I want us to go back to how we were. I don't care how much you've hurt me I just want us to talk about whatever poisoned our relationship so we can move on, because I miss you."

Seb stood in conflicted silence. Lydia could feel tears stinging her eyes, why was she so emotional?

"Don't you miss me?"

Her quiet, childlike voice forced Seb's answer out of his mouth before he had time to analysis the consequence.

"Of course."

Why didn't you just say no you dick? NO! How fucking hard is that?

"So then let's work things out." 

"It's not that simple."

"Why?"

If only she knew.

"It just isn't!"

"You used to tell me everything, what changed? I know _I_ didn't."

He debated his next move. They couldn't continue anything without him revealing what he kept deep in his heart, if he admitted to what festered there everything would change. He would have to reveal his stupidity, his pride and fear, to be vulnerable again.

"I think you should go."

"No."

"No?"

"Yes No."

"This is_ my _room."

"What are you going to do, throw me out?"

He ground his teeth against each other in frustration. She was still as stubborn as ever.

"Fine _I'll _leave."

"I'll be here waiting when you get back, I'll sleep in your bed, eat with your parents, play with your sister for as long as it takes for you to face me. I'm sick of losing what I love."

Since when did she become a fighter?

  
Seb's heart jolted back to life. Whatever was deep and silent in it's depth was rising triumphantly out and on to the surface of his consciousness to plague him again. Lydia's determined face pained him. 

"Fine what do you want to do?"

"I need to ask you some questions and for you to answer honestly."

He knew where this would lead but at least it was better than verbalising it in an embarrassing speech.

"Shoot."

"Why did you stop talking to me? What did I do?"

"You did nothing but be yourself, that was the problem."

"I don't understand."

He sighed, preparing to unload the weight he had carried around made him feel nauseas but it was now or never.

"I have loved you all my life. I was pathetically obvious as a kid but even as a teenager I could see nothing but you. I couldn't control what I felt and I was sick with you. It scared me to be so dependent on someone and placing all my hopes of happiness with someone so oblivious and with no indication of feeling the same, it was torture."

He smiled bitterly at the memory and Lydia sat in stunned silence, he took that as a good cue to keep going and just get it all off his chest once and for all. Then he was fucking free of it.

"I resented you for making me feel so confused and being younger I punished you for my own pain, I wanted you to suffer as I did so I pulled away and turned against you. It was idiotic and it never made me feel better but the more I avoided you as I grew up the more free I felt. I dated around trying to push you from my mind and it worked. Leanne was a mistake, she was too close to you and as much as I may have liked her I couldn't bare to hear her go on about you."

Seb caught his breath but couldn't look at Lydia who felt like all the wind had been knocked out of her.

"Why didn't you ask me how I felt? Why didn't you talk to me instead of making my life a misery?"

She couldn't stop her voice from wavering.

"Because I was young, idiotic and male, remember? The more time that passed the stupider I realised it was but I couldn't apologize without revealing how I felt and admitting my error and I preferred the simplicity of being away from you."

"I can't believe this!"

"You wanted the truth."

"I know, things make more sense to me but why did you befriend me again only to change your mind? Was it because of Becky?"

He dropped his eyes to the ground.

"I was jealous."

"Of what?"

"You had had sex and I could tell. The way you strode in glowing with happiness told me not only had you done it but you were in love. Any good will towards you was ripped out of me and spite returned. I wasn't that guy for you and I knew it was my own fault, it also told me things had truly changed."

She blushed furiously which made Seb smile despite himself.

"So I was right?"

Lydia frowned. How did he still know her so well?

"Yes but then you also know I had my heartbroken just like you, became a partier just like you."

She spat out the words trying to forgot that part of her life all together. It was so recent yet felt like a lifetime ago.

"Yeah, if I didn't feel sorry for you or felt like I knew you better now I wouldn't be saying anything to you."

Lydia felt all pain and resentment towards Seb melt under his anguished expression and her own heartbreak seemed trivial. He had loved her silently all that time, she couldn't help feeling flattered and oddly excited. He didn't deserve such an easy escape but she didn't care, he had loved her!

She got up and hugged him impulsively not knowing it was like rubbing salt into his wounds. Her smell and the warmth of her body were all overpowering for him.

"You're an idiot Seb."

"I think we established that."

He pulled away before he did something he'd regret. Finally feeling relieved he had to ask what he had wanted to for months.

"Who was the guy that screwed you over?"

Lydia cringed at his words but knew Seb deserved her honesty after his own.

"Nate."

"_Uncle_ Nate?"

Suddenly Seb felt very young and very inexperienced.

"Yes."

He wondered if he'd be physically sick, his warm feelings for his godfather soured. Lydia burned with shame and embarassment as she cast a sideways glance at his disgusted expression.

"But how?"

Lydia resisted rolling her eyes.

"How any two people fall in love, only with more complications but I can honestly say I'm over it. Truthfully, it was a little too easy to be, I don't know if that means it wasn't real but at least I'm not slitting my wrists over it."

He hated Nate at that moment, he had slept with his mother once, that was bad enough but to sleep with the woman he loved (and he was sure Nate knew it) was unforgivable. It was over with, but that didn't mean he wouldn't make his godfather pay.

"So can we be friends again Seb? I mean you're with Becky now and you got over me!"

She wanted to ask the last part as a question but she was too scared of the answer, scared of what she might want to happen. Instead she stated it brightly as if it was the best news she'd ever heard.

"Right."

Wrong. Seb's automatic defence mechanisms went up again causing him to deny the truth. Again. He was a slow learner but he'd come along way. Besides, Lydia had a point, he _was_ with Becky who he cared about. He could be friends with Lydia he was sure, he was a lot older and more mature now. He would not screw it up, he had a second chance he didn't want to abuse.

"Great."

They both nodded and smiled stupidly at each other for lack of anything better to do.

"Great."

Lydia felt a little disappointed, an absurd part of her wanted him to still love her, she wasn't sure how she felt about Seb anymore. Everything had been shook up so dramatically so fast.

"Did you-?"

Seb stopped himself but Lydia was intrigued.

"Did I?"

"Did you ever-?"

She knew what he was trying to ask.

"I don't know. I loved you as a friend I knew that much, I was too young to be in love back then but then you deserted me and all my feelings for you changed. It will just have to be one of those 'what ifs' we can muse over until we are old."

He nodded slowly, feeling even more dismal than before. Love makes fools of everyone and he had been the biggest idiot of the bunch.

"So are you and Becky going to the masquerade ball next Friday?"

"Yeah of course, are you?"

"I wasn't going to but I suddenly have a renewed interest in attending."

Lydia nudged him playfully.

"Why don't we invite Becky over and we can all watch movies?"

Seb looked uncomfortable at the idea but agreed nonetheless. A Saturday night sat sandwiched between his girlfriend and the girl he loved inevitably watching chick flicks wasn't his idea of fun.

However after being separated from her by practically an ocean of his own design he didn't want to turn her away. It was joy and pain to be with her again but that would have to be enough.

* * *

A/N: This isn't the end! The big climax is coming up and we haven't seen the last of Nate or Amber!


	6. The quiet before the storm

_Disclaimer: Gossip girl and it's characters are not mine, only little Lydia and darling Sebastian but that's enough._

_**A/N:** Firstly I want to sincerely thank all my readers for the reviews they are truly appreciated. I don't think I've mentioned it enough so cheers to: _

_**Blood red kiss of death, **_

_**darkangel1910, **_

_**C**__**helseaDaggerCinderella, **_

_**Starsapphire16, **_

_**finnlover, **_

_**Babyblue1100,**_

_**kcgesq, **_

_**princetongirl,**_

_**whisperinthewind87,**_

_**zagreb-girl,**_

_**flammablepajamies, **_

_**ergirl21, **_

_**xbecbex**_

_You guys all rock:) _

* * *

"Mom almost collapsed from shock."

"My mom actually did a happy dance and my dad convinced himself it was one step back to my childhood innocence he's trying to hold on to."

"Lydia if they knew all the sordid details of your love life your dad would have a heart attack."

Lydia blushed but smiled anyway, she was too happy having her friend back to be prudish. Other occupants at the lunch table raised their eyes at such a vague piece of juicy gossip and mentally noted they'd have to pump Seb for specifics later. Otherwise there were no real perks for anyone else seated in having Seb and Lydia friends again.

Becky was grateful for Seb's better moods but she paid for it by having his attention inevitably drawn away from her whenever Lydia opened her pretty mouth. She didn't want to be an insecure girlfriend but their unconscious flirting was driving her further and further into the depths of paranoia.

Suddenly ideas about past love in Seb's life held more truth and even had a face attached, a flawless beaming face that was always around her now. She didn't want to resent Lydia but she found herself grinding her teeth together anxiously whenever she breezed into a room.

Amber was being more cordial to Lydia while at the same time mentally formulating ways of bringing about her downfall. She was patiently waiting for something scandalous about Lydia to fall into her lap so she could exact revenge. However up until that lunchtime it seemed hopeless with Lydia's spotless record. She was annoyingly guarded too. Now Amber's interest was peaked, sordid love life? Maybe payback was within her grasp after all. No one made Amber jealous of them without some sort of consequence. Social alienation seemed as good as any.

"Seb do you want to hang out tonight?"

Becky stroked Seb's arm lovingly. Lydia had to admit that of all Seb's previous love interests Becky was by far the prettiest and most sane. She was beautiful but not in the trashy way most girls at their school were.

"Yeah sounds good, Lydia?"

Lydia looked warily between Seb and Becky, He may have missed it being an exclusive invitation but the females didn't. Becky was already giving her the cold shoulder friendship-wise and she'd only been friends with Seb again for a week so invading their personal time wasn't going to win her back any favour.

"You know what I'm kind of busy but you two have fun."

Seb looked slightly disappointed.

"Better plans shorty?"

She searched her brain quickly trying to think of an excuse, she didn't want to ruin their new found intimacy by something misunderstood as a blow off.

"No I just have to hang out with dad tonight, we're still a little weird around each other so I want to make it right."

Seb nodded understandingly.

"Fair enough."

Becky looked relieved and even smiled slightly at Lydia.

"Can you believe the last day of high school is tomorrow?"

Becky clapped her hands excitedly.

"The masquerade ball is tomorrow too!"

Lydia groaned.

"I completely forgot, I'll have to try get an outfit."

"You forgot?"

Amber looked at her like she was insane, it might have ruffled Lydia once but it was the most common expression Amber displayed when addressing her so it wasn't much of a surprise. The masquerade ball was supposed to be the social event to climax the season but Lydia had her head so full of Seb in both platonic and non-platonic thoughts that everything else of importance shifted out of her head to make room.

Life was cruel.

The last week Lydia's feelings for a certain Bass had progressed so dramatically she wondered if they weren't there all along. She couldn't find any other explanation for one minute moping over Nate to pining after her best friend. She knew Seb had always been the best fixture of her life and had known her at all stages. That was friendship right? Yet when she thought about it she didn't want him being a permanent fixture in anyone else's life but her own. The idea of not having him around, him loving someone else or anything without her, it all made the bottom of her stomach fall out. The thought was so depressing she had to leave Seb and Becky and the gawking Amber to themselves. This must have been karma kicking her ass for not realising it all sooner.

"I've been a blind idiot!"

Leanne sighed, she had been sitting in a classroom with Dean when she saw Lydia walking past looking like someone had run over her dog. She invited her in but now that she knew it was about Seb she had to usher Dean out to keep it confidential.

"No you haven't."

Lydia wouldn't have been having a conversation like this if Leanne wasn't happily dating Dean. Seb was no longer a taboo subject, the young heart really was resilient. Leanne tried to listen to her anguished friend but a little voice in her head kept suggesting that she should be charging by the hour the amount of experience she had dealing with Lydia's dramas.

"He was in love with me all along and I couldn't see how I felt until it was too late. Now he is with Becky and I'm _still_ an idiot."

"No, he should have just come clean at the start."

"Maybe."

"Besides you loved Nate!"

Lydia frowned.

"I'm not sure I did. I mean I definitely wanted him, wanted to love him or to love somebody but I'm not sure I didn't convince myself into it so I didn't just lose my virginity on a hormonal whim. It was never how I had wanted it to be, I mean it was amazing but it seemed more justified if I was in love. I always thought it would be-"

"With Seb?"

Lydia paused in thought and Leanne could see tears forming, luckily she always carried an emergency hankerchief which she subtly slipped on to her lap.

"God yes I really am an idiot."

"Stop staying that or I'm going to slap you."

Lydia smiled sheepishly.

"Sorry."

"Just tell him how you feel."

"No way! He doesn't love me anymore and he's with Becky. Becky! I actually like her I couldn't do that to her."

Leanne groaned. Lydia was too sweet for her own good, it was practically nauseating if she didn't know her any better. This kind of consideration was borne out fear rather than true nobility, after all when was love ever that selfess?

"_That's_ why you're an idiot."

"For thinking of others?"

"Exactly! Sometimes you just have to go for what you want or you'll always be sitting on the sidelines moaning to me. He loved you for how many years? If he could stay so enamoured for most of his life do you really think a few months with someone else will break it? No offence sweetie but if you don't get your shit together _I'm_ going to start feeling sorry for you and _that_ will be truly sad."

Lydia thought on it a moment and a traitorous spike of excitement surged through her.

"You're right, maybe tomorrow is a good a time as any. Then if he rejects me I can at least avoid him through the holidays until college."

"That's the spirit."

Lydia ignored the sarcasm, her hope clouded every rational objection to confessing at that moment. The only problem was that for the rest of the day she couldn't look Seb in the eye.

* * *

"What's up with you?"

Unfortunately, Seb and Lydia were partnered together to analyse a passage of text in their English class. Karma was exacting justice once again. She couldn't focus on anything, her heart kept making her look into those familiar,beautiful eyes but as soon as he caught her gaze she shifted them quickly back to the text. It may as well have been in Arabic with the progress she was making. She had never been so fidgety and nervous around him, it was a whole new kind of torture.

"Nothing I'm just tired and excited about the end of our educational careers as we know it."

Seb smiled warmly, anyone else would have said 'school' or 'learning' but shorty had to come up with 'educational careers'.

"Is that all?"

"Yep why?"

"It's just you look like you're about to break out in a sweat."

"Really? Do I look that bad?"

Lydia hated feeling self conscious, she never used to be around Seb.

"Of course you don't! I wish I hadn't mentioned it now, just calm down for Christ's sake!"

Lydia hadn't realised not only was her leg rising and falling furiously so that the table wobbled but she had been spinning her pen around between her fingers erratically while trying to chew on the end. It was all in a way that was less than attractive and a little crazy to anyone but Seb.

"Sorry. So how are you and Becky going?"

The question came from so far out of left field that it almost distracted Seb from the way Lydia's lip was quivering, she wanted to slap herself with her free hand for being so pathetically obvious. At least with Nate she had been a little more smooth despite being in unfamiliar waters but now when she was with Seb who knew her better than anyone and she was acting like a moron!

"Is Becky using you as a spy or something?"

"No of course not I was just curious."

"Curious?"

It was an odd conversation for them both considering they'd never talked about relationships before, by the time Seb opened the floodgates and started dating they were already on icy terms so it was all foreign. Seb was kind of glad they hadn't really discussed it in depth, he knew Lydia wanted all the romantic bullshit that Seb usually avoided so he didn't want to disappoint her with his past experiences, which were far from the Jane Austen type romance he knew she loved. Then again neither had hers been so far. Yet that was the point, Lydia was a dreamer and always would be, just like her mother.

"Well yes, do you love her?"

She really needed to shut up, she didn't even want to know the answer! Why was she asking? She really was a masochist. In a moment of hysteria she contemplated shoving her fist in her mouth but instead focussed on the paper in front of her. Seb was confused, he had told her he had loved her for forever like a week ago and she had politely reminded him she wasn't interested so why was she asking again? Sure he had said he was over her but it _should_ have been obvious from his passionate speech that he wasn't.

"Well I care about her but obviously I don't love her."

He felt himself almost blushing at stating the abundantly clear all over again when he had no hope of reciprocation. He could be a fucking poet if Lydia felt the same way, he would be her Mr Darcy, her Lancelot and any other romantic hero she could think of if she gave him the chance but he knew she couldn't. He had come to accept it without bitterness but it didn't mean such a question didn't piss him off. Did she want him to stroke her ego again? He wasn't that indulgent, he would barely let himself stare at her eyes when she smiled, if he didn't give himself anything to be content about he wasn't going to do it for her.

"You don't?"

Seb was looking at her like she was insane and she felt even more stupid than before. Maybe she had no place to ask, maybe he didn't want to make her feel bad by gushing and was playing it down. He sighed heavily but answered her anyway.

"Not yet anyway."

Lydia felt the sickening disappointment Seb was also feeling, the thoughts running through them both were so intense they were practically electrified.

"Right of course."

"And you?"

"Me what?"

Seb rolled his eyes. If Lydia wasn't in such a hormone infused dazed she might have been able to thread together an actual conversation but she had already forgotten what he had asked she was trying so hard not to lick her lips when she saw his mouth move.

"You are so dense sometimes."

"Hey!"

"So are you seeing anyone?"

"Of course not I'd tell you if I was."

"Nate wasn't exactly high profile so how am I to know?"

Lydia cringed at the mention of Nate, more out of embarrassment than anything else. She wanted Seb to think well of her so desperately and she didn't think reminding him of her liaison with his godfather would further such ambitions.

"Yeah well there's no one."

Except you

"Okay."

Thankfully the bell rung for the end of the day before they could unintentionally make each other anymore miserable.

* * *

"Five hundred dollars please!"

Lydia clapped her hands gleefully, kicking her dad's ass at monopoly almost made her forget her Seb troubles.

"That much?"

"I have a hotel on it so pay up."

Dan frowned.

"I always suck at this game."

"You need to have money to make money."

It was true, Lydia's strategy was to get some of the cheapest properties and put houses on them early, as soon as you start taking the money it funds more houses and so on. Dan didn't seem to grasp the concept, he instead just brought whatever he landed on and always had a variety of colours in his property pile that didn't equal much. 

"Ain't that the truth. Perhaps because I don't care for money so much or I came from humbler beginnings my perspective of this game is different."

"Nope I'm pretty sure you just suck. If anything coming from nothing should make you more ruthless and ambitious to succeed. Either way you are losing pathetically."

Dan smiled, he couldn't be too upset when not only was he communicating with his Lydia again but she was voluntarily staying in to play board games with him. A far cry from the hellraiser he had been living with a few weeks before.

"I guess I am."

Lydia thought now was the best time ask his advice.

"Dad?"

"Yep?"

"I need dating advice, I'd ask mom but since you've cursed me with the Humphrey awkwardness in the romance department I feel it's only best to seek your wisdom and personal experience."

Truthfully she had already asked her mother but she wanted her father to feel included. Plus her mother's 'just tell him' didn't make her feel any less terrified. Serena had never had any trouble with men so Lydia was unsure she could emphasise or grasp the situation properly.

Dan tried not to cringe, he prayed this day would never come but he was determined to be an adult about it all. He couldn't help flashing back to when she was just a baby in his arms though and just wanting time to stand still.

"Okay what's up?"

"Well pretty much everyone said when you were a teenager you weren't exactly a smooth operator and that it was pretty much your lack of finesse and a bit of dumb luck that endeared you to mom in the first place."

Dan frowned.

"Who has been telling you this stuff? Yes I wasn't exactly sure of myself but I was dating a girl who as amazing as she was, lived in a world where three thousand dollars for a pair of shoes was pocket change. That wasn't me and it took awhile to build my confidence. So yeah pretty much all of that is true."

He laughed slightly at the memory.

"You don't have that problem surely? You are the most beautiful girl besides your mother I have ever seen. I know that's me being biased but you're the most beautiful girl _most_ people have ever seen. It's not just based on observation, I've been told so. Believe me I wish that wasn't true as much as you do. I want people to love you for you like I do, like Seb does-"

Lydia sighed.

"Seb is my problem."

"Is he being an ass to you again?"

"No, I'm- this is so weird to say, especially to you. I'm in love with him."

Just like that she began to cry, not just sniffling but actually sobbing. Dan looked horrified as he wrapped her up in his arms and sat her on his lap. She wasn't sure whether she was upset or happy to finally know for sure, it was terrifying and lonely feeling so much for another human being. She understood how Seb could have been so cruel to her if she had inflicted this on to him for years. More than anything it was a release, knowing how she felt for Seb felt like she finally knew herself, she had finally fitted the puzzle of her life together.

"What's wrong? Isn't that a good thing? I mean it comes as a surprise but if I had to see you with anyone I'm glad it's him. Sure he's like a playboy already but I know deep down he's a good kid and would look after you. He's always had a soft spot for my girl."

"He's with someone else though."

"Oh."

"I can't sleep or eat or fucking function without thinking about him and it hit me so hard like I didn't think anything about it until suddenly I find myself gazing at him like someone completely different and then all this emotional crap just exploded inside of me! I mean after Nate-"

Lydia felt her heart stop as she finally remembered who she was talking to, she had got so caught up in venting she had forgotten this was her father not Leanne.

"Nate?"

Dan stared at her in confusion. He wasn't even going to scold her for swearing he just wanted to know how Nate fitted in.

"What about Nate?"

Lydia felt her face burning.

"Nothing I just meant after his divorce it put me off relationships."

Dan nodded uncertainly, he looked down to see she was the colour of a beetroot and wouldn't meet his eyes. Something cold trickled down his spine and suspicion flared up but he knew she wouldn't answer him even if he asked.

"Well I'm sure you will sort stuff out."

"How? It's like I'm this clumsy idiot around him now. I can't think well enough to make intelligent conversation, I'm pretty sure he thinks I've lost the plot."

Dan thought it was fitting that Lydia had become just like all the helpless males who fell under her spell and who she didn't look twice at if only to assert whether they were actually mentally competent. At least love made fools of everyone more or less equally.

"I'm sure he doesn't, just try and remember he's your friend most importantly. Otherwise I'm out of ideas hun. It's cheesy I know but just be true to yourself. "

After that Dan was speedily crushed at monopoly, he was too distracted trying to figure out what Lydia was hiding about Nate to concentrate on any sort of game plan. She was soon humming up the stairs, temporarily happy over her victory.

"Do you want a coffee honey?"

Dan looked up from tidying up the game to smile tiredly at his wife.

"I'd love one. I feel like I've aged about ten years in ten minutes."

"You really suck at monopoly that bad?"

Dan grabbed her lower half and pulled her on to the carpet with a delighted squeal.

"Nah I let her win, part of my self-esteem building parenting technique."

Serena laughed.

"Not only are you terrible at monopoly you are also a terrible liar. What's bothering you?"

Dan went into a pained speech about Lydia and Seb and having to advice his daughter towards romance that would lead to the dreaded sex rather than advising against it as he had always vowed to do.

"That's so great! I'm glad you didn't steer her away, this is darling Sebastian we're talking about!"

"You didn't think he was so _darling_ when Lydia came home crying from school every night because of him."

"Well no but I still loved him like a nephew, and now he's going to be with our daughter that's amazing!"

Dan didn't mention that sounded highly incestuous. Up until that night he had always seen them more as brother and sister anyway and he didn't need to be reminded.

"Well nothing has happened between them yet, if I didn't want her to be happy so badly I would have told her it was a bad idea."

"Please! It's practically written in the stars that they'll end up together."

"But sweetie that's the problem. All their lives it's been drilled into them that they'd be the perfect couple but it's a little narrow minded and I just don't want them being disillusioned together because of the expectations we gave them about it. I want what they have to be real, Lydia deserves nothing less."

"That's sweet but c'mon when do they ever do what we say? They hated each other well enough against our wishes I'm pretty sure they feel no obligation towards our hopes about them now. They had some time apart but that was the best thing to happen to them."

"How exactly?"

"They came together again because of something deeper than family connections and trust funds. They found each other as adults and that's a whole new ball game Dan, there's attraction, sex and all the appealing attributes of each other to discover and in some cases re-discover."

"Please don't mention sex and Lydia together ever again or I can never have a family thanksgiving dinner with the Basses knowing that - oh god I think I'm just going to forget this day ever happened."

Serena giggled gleefully at her husband's hysterics, he really was picking up the Van der Woodsen flair for the dramatic.

"Okay don't worry honey, as far as your concerned Lydia is a nun and we'll keep it that way."

"What you said though, I think that's a pretty insightful and optimistic way to look at things and since Lydia inherited that, I can only hope for the best."

"Me too."

* * *

It's funny how normal things can seem before something epically _bad_ happens. In the movies there is usually foreshadowing to imply an impending disaster of some kind but in real life it's deceptively mundane. The quiet before the storm.

The last morning of high school went by so quickly Lydia barely had time to change and steal a piece of toast before she was out the door. She felt exhilarated despite having a restless sleep, she kept rehearsing what she would say to Seb in a way to admit her feelings but not guilt him in to feeling the same. She thought about 'hey buddy, I think you're my true love but no pressure' or 'I've never wanted someone so badly in my life, how are your folks?' and then decided she deserved to be rejected with those kinds of opening lines. Instead she just gave up and decided to let her heart lead her, which was probably best considering her brain tended to shut off around him now anyway.

She entered the school courtyard, scanning the stone tables for Seb and his usual group but it was harder than she first thought when an impromptu party was taking place. There was music blaring from a stereo while some people danced, others went around signing shirts and most just chatted excitedly or cheered.

"Hey Lydia!"

Becky breezed over to her and without asking began to sign her shirt above her chest.

"Uh hi."

"Happy last day of hell!"

"Thanks you too."

Lydia had already lost her nerve. Becky was being so nice to her and all the while Lydia was contemplating stabbing her in the back and trying to steal away the man she loved. She never thought she'd be a Judas to any of her friends but she tried to mute her annoying conscience.

The bell rang for first period although most of the classes were pretty much just parties anyway. Lydia hurried to her history class where she knew Seb would be.

"Lyd over here!"

Seb had saved her a seat next to him and was already rolling jelly beans across into the middle of the desk for her. Her heart leapt so far up her chest she swallowed quickly in case it would pop out of her mouth.

"Thanks."

"No problem. How was game night with daddy dearest?"

"Enlightening."

"How so?"

Before Lydia could reply with anything even relating to her confession their teacher Mr Miller entered.

"Alright quiet down class! Yes it's the last day of the school year and I'm just as happy about that as you all are. I still have to act like I'm teaching you something so I'm going to pass out some history crosswords and word searches for you to do but you can talk and eat while doing so. Sound good?"

No one was really listening to him so he just passed them out before sitting back behind his desk to read a book.

That's when the storm hit.

"Shut the fuck up!"

The mumbling of voices didn't stop, everyone just assumed it was someone being stupid but when a shot echoed around the room it certainly achieved an audience. At the front of the class was a guy with a _gun_. Lydia would have thought it was some lunatic if it wasn't for the fact this lunatic was wearing their school uniform.

_Oh shit._

* * *

A/N: Cliffhanger, I know I'm mean. Can you tell how obsessed I am with monopoly? We play it religiously as a family so I can't help having the fictional families enjoying it also. 


	7. Hugo's story

_Disclaimer: Gossip girl and it's characters are not mine, only little Lydia and darling Sebastian but that's enough._

_**A/N:** Firstly I want to apologize if I offend or upset anyone in relation to the shooter storyline, I know stuff like this can be all too real. Mine is pure fiction so I've tried to make it both heartfelt (what I think it might be like) and also a bit hollywood with the heroics so it's not too depressing. Does that make sense? It may be a little sappy but let me know what you think._

Thanks again to all my reviewers!

_**Let the cliches begin..:P**_

* * *

"You fuckers listening now? Good." 

Mr. Miller was grasping his book like a vice, pure bewilderment was drawn over his strained features.

"Hugo what on earth are you _doing_?"

"Making a point!"

Lydia recognised the boy now, she hadn't ever talked to him but she had seen him around. He was slightly overweight but otherwise plain enough, he was the typical book nerd everyone ignored.

Nobody had ever looked so terrifying.

All she could think was that this kind of stuff didn't happen to her. It was a selfish thought but when does anyone prepare for something so surreal? This was the upper east side after all!

She gazed quickly at Seb who stared back at her with a 'what-the-fuck?' look on his face.

"Yeah hey everyone remember me? Of course you fucking don't even though I've been in your class all year. Finally though I've got your attention. Too bad it takes the threat of death to get some recognition but you gotta do what you gotta do."

He laughed slightly to himself, otherwise it was as silent as a morgue in the room. Luckily it also was quiet everywhere else, people had obviously heard the shot and had took the safety precautions of locking the doors and turning off the lights to avoid detection. Either that, or everyone has sensibly fled the vicinity. Hopefully that meant the police were on their way.

"Hugo what are you doing? You're not capable of this!"

Mr. Miller who had always thought Hugo was a good student and felt it his duty to lead as an educator was trying to appeal to his better nature but it came out more of a taunt to Hugo.

"Oh really?"

He pulled the trigger again in front of Mr Miller. Lydia and Seb both closed their eyes to avoid watching such a chilling scene. Many students were shaking or crying while Seb's brain was again filing this incident under 'personal distress and suffering'. Mr Miller's surprised gasp sickened Lydia's stomach as she finally looked desperately at Seb. He grabbed her hand and squeezed it. She wanted to somehow convey with her eyes how much he meant to her in case she never got to verbalise it.

Mr. Miller made another unnatural noise of pain as blood began to spread across his white shirt around his abdomen.

That's when Lydia took action. Her self-preservation instinct had yet to kick in and instead her need to help spurred her to her feet.

"No!"

_What are you doing?_

Hugo turned to her with his gun aimed at her chest but he looked as scared as she did, whether he had really intended to shoot the teacher or not she didn't know but he had definitely crossed the point of no return now.

Mr. Miller was slouched in his chair but managed to hiss to Lydia to sit down, people were looking at her like she was crazy. There were so many blank expressions around her too, like some people had shut down completely. Why couldn't she have done that? Seb's heart began to race a hundred miles an hour at her outburst.

"What?"

"Please-"

She wanted to rush to her teacher and somehow stop the bleeding like she had been shown in first aid but now her courage failed her. Having a loaded gun aimed at her killed any heroic ambitions she might have had.

"Please what? You have no right to ask _anything_ of me! You're the worst of all of them! I'm here on scholarship, I wanted to have a great life here but you all either treat me like shit or as if I'm invisible just because of my lack of wealth! You don't know what it is to be lonely or hate yourself just because of fucking income!"

Seb didn't know if he expected some sort of reply or apology but no one dared open their mouths, luckily Lydia had shakily sat down although Hugo was still staring angrily at her.

"Lydia you're the worse, you are blessed with everything and you think you have it tough or you pretend to be different but you treat me just the same as fucking Sebastian Bass and Amber Grayson! I have had a crush on you for years and tried to sit next to you and even asked you questions but you still never knew my name! Well now you all do, because with this gun in my hand no money in the world can make a difference to your fate."

More students began to cry at such a proclamation of doom.

"I-"

Lydia was once again trying to mediate somehow but her throat had gone dry. All she could focus on was how devastated her parents would be about now. It seemed a funny way to die, murdered for being oblivious just like she always was. Her eyes were wide open now, even if it was too little too late.

Hugo walked towards Lydia proudly and grabbed her hair.

"You can be first."

The police sirens could be heard coming closer which gave Hugo pause. His eyes were frightened, Lydia tried to believe he wouldn't hurt her but if anything that made him more likely. Seb knew this too, it was in that moment that Sebastian Bass decided to do something, he wasn't about to watch his best friend die in front of him.

"Whatever Hugo."

"Excuse me?"

Seb tried to keep his voice calm and sneering just like it always to people like him but there wasn't a muscle in his body that wasn't rigid with anxiety.

"No offence man but you're not going to massacre us all."

"And why not?"

Hugo glowered at Seb but had let go of Lydia's hair. Tears were slipping silently down her cheeks without her realising. Bass was trying to help her and she was petrified he was going to pay for it.

"Seb be quiet!" She whispered hoarsely.

Seb ignored her.

"Well in all the other school shootings the guy just goes in, starts shooting everyone indiscriminately before fortunately offing himself too. There's no self-pitying speech that he forced them to sit through. You're not going to kill us if you're as smart as you imply. You just want to make a point like you said and get some belated attention."

Hugo was beyond furious mainly because Seb had hit the nail on the head. His cause was supposed to be noble, finally getting the underdog some recognition but now he felt embarassingly vain and self-centred under Seb's cold stare. Seb of all people! It didn't last long.

"Fuck you Bass."

"Right back at you."

Lydia watched in abject horror as the two males stared each other down. So many thoughts muddled together in her mind.

She had wanted to play the piano, she wanted to make Seb watch m_oulin rouge_ with her. She wanted another shot at a peaceful thanksgiving dinner, she wanted to let her father win at monopoly for once, she wanted to beat up Seb's bully just like she did when they were little. It was her and Bass against the world, she didn't want that to end.

Another shot was fired.

"Fuck!"

Seb grabbed his shoulder where a bullet was now painfully lodged.

"Want another asshole?" Hugo smiled brightly at his newfound bad boy attitude.

Seb was wise enough to stay silent. His plan had worked, he had distracted Hugo from Lydia and stalled her fate in the hopes the cops would intercede on her behalf instead.

"I thought not."

Lydia didn't care if she was risking injury she couldn't help herself when she dived next to Seb as he slid off the chair in agony.

"Seb!"

"Oh so you have sympathy for _him_? The guy that made your life as well as mine _hell_ and you want to take care of him? You people really are unbelievable."

Mr. Miller was almost passed out but he felt it his duty to warn Hugo anyway. He was obviously a mentally ill young man and needed help.

"Hugo if you kill anyone you are looking at first degree murder on top of all the other charges you are looking at. Do yourself favour and quit now."

Hugo looked tearfully at his teacher. Almost in an instant all the bravado had vanished, he remembered his brother and the hope he once had entering the doors of this institution.

"Thank you for being concerned but who said I was looking to the future? I fucked up my exams anyway."

The final shot of the day was fired straight into the mouth of the terroriser. It had been merely minutes since he first entered the room but for everyone inside it was like weeks had passed and it would take even longer to overcome.

As soon as Hugo hit the floor in a bloody heap everyone began running desperately for the door.

"Seb! Are you okay?"

Seb rolled his eyes and groaned.

"Do I look okay shorty?"

Lydia began crying harder.

"I love you."

"What?"

Lydia began repeating it over and over like a mantra each time getting more passionate before she began kissing all over Seb's face impulsively. They were alive! She kept saying it in case it was all a dream she had made up in her misery and that in seconds they'd be back to fearing for everything they knew.

"I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you!"

Before Seb could even try and reply Lydia had remembered Mr. Miller's critical condition and went to press her shirt to his wound to stem the bleeding of the unconscious teacher. She was aware that now she was only wearing her bra on her top half but at least it distracted her from wondering if Hugo was still alive. She couldn't bring herself to look at him.

After what seemed like an eternity for Seb the paramedics finally located their room. They automatically went to Mr. Miller to put him on a stretcher and stabilise him so Lydia went back to her best friend.

"Feeling any worse?"

Seb smiled even though he had never been in so much physical pain.

"Actually I feel much better. So you love me huh?"

Lydia had forgotten about her outburst and embarrassing kissing frenzy.

"Weird right? I was going to tell you earlier before the whole hostage crisis but maybe the whole fearing from my life thing was the only way I'd finally admit the truth."

She laughed weakly at herself, it took alcohol for dutch courage with Nate and imminent death with Seb.

"I guess I have something to thank Hugo for then."

Lydia smiled tearfully and moved some of his long hair out of his face.

"You're my knight in shining armour Bass."

"The pain is pretty bad, I think you should distract me by elaborating on the whole love thing. I'll just focus my eyes on your bra area and listen to your voice to numb the pain."

Lydia rolled her eyes but couldn't deny him anything.

"How could I not be in love with a guy stupid enough to try and save my life? Don't worry though I still want to be your friend and I get you're with Becky-"

"Are you kidding? I'm ending it with her as politely and quickly as possible once I'm out of the hospital. At least now I have proper motivation."

"But you said you didn't love me anymore."

"I was lying to you dumbass, I needed to keep a little of my dignity after all."

"So I've been torturing myself all week over whether we could possibly have a future for nothing?"

"Now you know how it feels."

They were so caught up in each other they didn't even notice the paramedics remove Hugo and were the last people hustled out of the building with Seb in a wheelchair. He thought the stretcher and oxygen would be too much of a shock for his parents.

The banter had distracted them from the circumstances for a moment but as soon as they were left with their own thoughts it was hardly a movie magic moment anymore. Lydia vomited in the empty corridor and Seb did the same on the entrance steps to their school. It wasn't quite the legacy he wanted to leave behind but he was only human, even if he was Sebastian Bass.

It had been both the best and worst day of Seb and Lydia's lives.

* * *

"Seb oh my god!" 

Blair was in tears as she ran to her son in the courtyard, news cameras and other parents were still milling around behind them.

"I'm okay mom."

"No you're fucking not!"

"Mom you swore!"

Chuck was standing off to the side with Adele looking shaken, he had never seen his father cry before but it was obvious he was close to it. Chuck was always the calm in a crisis which was mainly because Blair usually collapsed into emotional hysterics and someone had to keep the balance.

"Seb!"

Adele pulled out of her father's grasp and ran to his side too.

"We were so worried!"

At least Adele was at the age where she didn't believe people close to her were capable of dying, she was mainly upset because her mother was. She knew Seb would be okay but looking at all the blood on him made her whimper.

"It looks worse than it is little one, before you know it I'll be home watching _Hannah Montana _with you."

It was a complete lie, Seb would rather be shot again than watch that show but Adele didn't need to know that yet.

"Really? Cool!"

Seb never watched TV with her let alone a Disney show so she was more than happy. Blair was sitting clutching his hand tightly as he was put into the ambulance.

"I'm his mother and I'm coming with him."

"Me too!"

"No Adele stay with daddy he'll follow us to the hospital."

Chuck nodded, still in a daze. He was processing things slowly so he wouldn't freak out. Get keys from pocket, go to car, follow ambulance containing wounded son. Ignore bullet injury just follow ambulance. Son is okay just be calm. Adele! Shit Adele! Remember to take daughter with you. Breath in, breath out.

He tried to forget that his son came close to death, how close only the students would know, Seb would never tell his parents he voluntarily put himself in danger even if it was to help Lydia.

The courtyard was cleared as Hugo was finally removed on a stretcher to the final ambulance. Surprisingly he was still clinging to life despite practically blowing his brains out into Lydia's hair. It didn't look good for him but he wasn't dead yet.

Needless to say it was quite a different last day of school than anyone could have ever expected.

* * *

A/N: So what do you think? I've never done big drama scenes before so I hope it wasn't too corny. The aftermath is the next chapter with lots of parents. 


	8. Corridors

_Disclaimer: I don't own gossip girl or any of it's characters, I'm just not that lucky._

_**A/N: So it's been awhile! I accidently deleted the HUGE chapter I spent forever writing as the aftermath and it took me weeks before I had any desire to rewrite it. It is really different and I don't particularly like it but I felt I should put something up since it's been ages. The next few chapters are more or less fillers (originally just supposed to be one huge one) but I hope you enjoy them!**_

Thanks again to my patient reviewers :)

* * *

It was the weirdest reason Dan Humphrey had ever given for leaving a business meeting, he had got the call from his terrified wife who'd got one from a blubbering Blair that let him know the heart stopping fact that there had been a suspected shooting at Lydia's school.

_Suspected._ That was the only word he held on to as he mumbled that he had to go and rushed down the corridor to the elevators leaving everything behind except his phone. Lydia might try to call to let him know she was fine so he clutched it in his pocket like a talisman, willing it to ring. The elevator was infuriatingly slow so he took the stairs two at a time until he reached the lobby (he forgot he was 22 floors up) sweating and panting for breath.

"Where's the fire Humphrey?" One of his oldest colleagues joked but the dazed expression on his face must have been enough to stop him inquiring any further. He hailed a taxi and gave the guy the address of Serena's work so he could pick her up outside.

He had nothing to do so he tried to ring Lydia's number over and over but it went to voicemail. Just because she wasn't picking up didn't mean anything was wrong, a hundred reasons could explain why she didn't but only one seemed to thunder in his mind. He was being paranoid, he was always easily stressed when it came to his baby so he just grit his teeth and concentrated on the pop music surging through the cramped space.

Serena was at the window the instant the cabby pulled to a halt and her pale face mirrored his own. As soon as she was inside she nuzzled into her husband's side.

"I tried calling her but she wont answer."

"Me too."

He quickly told the taxi driver to take them to Lydia's school so they could investigate for themselves, it was a good sign there was no call from the hospital or anything so he was mostly satisfied that if something terrible had happened they'd know by now.

He was almost calm when the traffic and chaos of the streets surrounding the school sent his heart racing. All cars were grid locked as apparently every other parent of the school had the same idea as they had. Teenagers and adults alike were crying and rushing about, he may not have needed a call to tell him things were far from okay.

Serena stared out of the grubby taxi windows trying to master her nerves, she was usually the optimistic, calm one but Dan's anxiety was rubbing off on her and her fingers wouldn't stop gliding up and down the hem of her skirt. She heard Heather Fairchild (an acquaintance of Blair's) warning loudly to a neighbour on the street that a Latino hopped up on ecstasy was running around the streets with an AK-47. Serena wanted to laugh, it was like a bad case of Chinese whispers with Heather only adding fuel to the fire. She may have acted like the dutiful bearer of news but from the glimmer in her eyes she could tell Heather was about as excited as a kid at Christmas. Bitch.

"What?"

Dan stared at her.

"Whose a bitch?"

Opps she hadn't meant to say that out loud.

"No one."

Dan didn't look convinced but he was hardly in the frame of mind to inquire any further.

"Okay."

In the end they couldn't sit in helpless silence for any longer and instead trust some bills at the driver and exited the cab. Running seemed like a faster alternative and with the adrenaline surging through them they were practically flying across streets and through alleyways.

Lydia was standing shaking with a few other students inside the gates of the school. Mrs Cooper, her art teacher, had kindly found her a blanket and had shielded her from rude questions. She had to resort to standing in front of her with a hand around her to get the photographers and media to back off and give up for the mean time.

When Serena saw her daughter covered in blood panicked tears filled her eyes. Dan was ahead of her and pushed through the wall of onlookers to embrace his daughter. Mrs Cooper moved to the side quietly and attended to the other children who hadn't been picked up yet.

"Lydia sweetheart."

Dan clung to her with a strength that practically crushed her bones but she didn't pull away, his warmth and familiar smell were so comforting she wanted to cry all over again but she couldn't.

"Where is all the blood from?" Serena whimpered quietly.

"Hugo."

Serena just nodded, she didn't need to push for details, as long as it wasn't Lydia's she was content. Dan looked down at his little girl in his arms.

"Why aren't you at the hospital?"

"I wanted to wait for you, I didn't want you to worry."

_Fat fucking chance._

Lydia's reasoning was that coming to get her at school would have given them less of a heart attack than a sharp call from the ER but now they had arrived all she wanted to do was get to Seb.

"Can we go?"

Lydia could barely force words out of her mouth, any energy to communicate had disappeared.

"Of course, but we heard Seb got shot according to one of the less ridiculous rumours circulating the streets. Is it true?"

Lydia nodded, the effort was incredible when her head felt like it would roll right off her shoulders.

"In the shoulder. Hospital?"

They didn't ask anything more of her for which she was grateful and just lead her to an awaiting taxi, they were given priority by the other parents lining the street as soon as they saw the state she was in.

The ride to the hospital felt interminable, the thick smell of rust and iron was an ever present reminder of Lydia's ordeal and it was so strong Dan had to roll down a window so he wouldn't vomit. The old woman behind the wheel kept glancing back at her passengers anxiously, he supposed a bloody, mute girl between two immaculately dressed adults would look a bit peculiar but she didn't say anything and eventually dragged her eyes back to the road which was a relief. A shooting was enough for one day, he didn't want to add car crash to the list of grievances.

* * *

When they arrived in the corridor beside the ER they found Blair pacing back and forth. She looked like a ghost and her hair was dishevelled from running a hand through it constantly. To Lydia she still looked elegant but less of the dominant force she was used to.

"Hey Blair."

She finally snapped out of her trance to smile thinly at her best friend. Serena ran to embrace her.

"Hows Seb?"

Fresh tears sprung into Blair's eyes at the mention of his name but she didn't break down.

"He's going to be okay. Chuck's in with him now getting his bullet removed. Apparently I'm too squeamish and hysterical to be in with him so Seb made me wait out here. Adele has befriended a nurse and is helping her with rounds!"

Seb truly did know his mother, although considering this was Blair, Lydia was surprised she wasn't curled up in the foetal position on the bench. Her outer calm was pretty astonishing, maybe she had learnt something from her husband after all.

"Fuck Lydia!"

She had finally noticed her bloody form drifting behind her parents.

"Uh hi."

"You look worse than Seb does!"

Lydia half-nodded, it was the best she could do and Dan put a steadying arm around her shoulder.

"Yeah we are going to get her cleaned up as soon as possible, it's been a long day."

Everyone made a small sound of acknowledgement before Serena clapped her hands in the grim silence.

"Okay I'm on a hunt for lots of unhealthy sustenance. Do you want anything baby?"

Lydia shook her head slightly and Serena stroked her hair affectionately. A shower of crimson flakes fell on to her shoulders, everyone looked away. Serena plastered a smile back on her face.

"Okay well I'll see you all in a bit."

Lydia vaguely wondered if Hugo was still alive or not, she was wearing a lot of his body matter it only seemed fair to muse over his fate. She was covered in blood! Somehow it seemed funny to be wondering so blithely about the mortality of someone her own age. The fact she was worried about the guy who caused her suffering was suddenly hilarious. One minute she was working such absurd thoughts through her mind and the next she was giggling shrilly.

"Lyd are you okay?"

Both adults were looking at her like she'd grown an extra head, this only turned her giggles into hysterical laughter. She bent over to try and reign in her merriment.

Seb who was in a cubicle close to the door heard the unnatural laughter but didn't associate it as Lydia's. He briefly wondered what could be so hi-fucking-larious about an emergency ward but the morphine swirling around his system made him so one with the world and temporarily blissful that he passed it over.

"Lydia?"

Dan had bent over with her and pulled her clumped hair back out of her face. As quickly as it came the lightheartedness drained from her, the smell of detergient and grey faces around her brought her swiftly back down to earth. How could she have been so insentive?

"I'm sorry. I don't know-"

Blair smiled slightly.

"It's okay, we all do weird stuff in traumatic situations, I mean look at me! I'm like James Bond with the cool and collectedness going on. What's weirder than that?"

Lydia laughed quietly, a genuine laugh borne out of gratitude and familiarity.

"Do you think I could go see Seb now?"

Blair nodded.

"If you can handle a little blood."

She cringed when she saw her appearance but pointed her to the door.

"I'll go with you."

"No dad stay with Blair, I'll be fine."

Dan smiled awkwardly and shoved his hands in his pockets. They were both silent for some time before Blair broke it.

"Fuck."

Dan nodded.

"Double fuck."

Blair raised an eyebrow in surprise.

"I didn't know you swore."

He shrugged his shoulders.

"Felt appropriate considering the circumstances."

Blair couldn't argue with that.

"Who knew our kids would inherit our knack for getting into trouble?"

With her and Chuck as parents it was practically written in his genes but at least with this it wasn't of his own making. Still, scandal seemed to follow their family like a bad smell and she dreaded what would happen with Adele when her time came.

"Yeah I know, I think they blew us all out of the water. They certainly raised the bar for their own kids. A jail sentence is the only thing that will shock anyone now."

Chuck walked out of ER doors down the hall and stalked down another corridor completely ignoring them.

"What do you mean I should have stopped it? How the fuck was I to know?" Could be heard shouted down his cell phone.

Dan raised a questioning eyebrow to which Blair nodded knowingly.

"It's his father, he's on his jet home from Munich as soon as he heard but apparently he's taking shit out on Chuck as usual."

Dan smiled sympathetically, having no real experience with crappy dads he didn't feel he could say anything reassuring or helpful.

"Fuck."

And Blair grinned, apparently a few well placed obscenities did the trick instead.

"I wonder how the gun-weilding psycho is doing."

Blair scoffed.

"Who fucking cares? I do hope the teacher is okay though."

"Me too. Although if Hugo dies it will much more tramuatic for Lydia and Seb. At least I'd think so."

"Hugo? That's his name? With a name like that no wonder he turned out to be a nutbar! I blame his parents. That's so cruel."

To anyone who didn't know Blair Bass she would have seemed completely ridiculous and judgemental (not that she couldn't sometimes be) but this was Blair working through her issues the only way she knew how.

"Well I'm sure you can address the matter with his parents at the funeral."

Blair rolled his eyes at his sarcasm. She knew this was _Dan_ working through _his_ issues the only way he knew how.

"What would I say at the funeral? Sorry your son didn't live up to his full masscaring potential?"

"It's not really about you B, it's about recognising a young life has been lost, even if the guy was a 'nutbar'."

Blair pondered it for a moment, she had never been so angry at anyone in her life but it did seem harsh he was going to die. He obviously had serious baggage to want to end everything. She wasn't heartless after all.

"I _do_ look good in black."

Dan laughed.

"That's the spirit Bass."

"Well hopefully he'll pull through so I can sue his crazy ass."

"Agreed. I'll even do it for you pro bono."

He nudged her encouragingly which earnt him a small smile.

A few minutes later Serena returned from her mission to get them snacks with an arm full of soda cans and a packet of lollies in her mouth. She dumped them all on the chair next to them.

"A sugar fix is just what the doctor ordered!"

"Good work S."

Blair snatched up a diet coke.

"Yeah except it took forever, the vending machine up here was broken so I had to go down a floor and I found this old guy who got down on one knee, almost cracked his bones and proposed marriage! I had to agree just to get him back to his ward to get his medication."

Blair rolled her eyes but couldn't suppress a grin.

"Your powers certainly don't fade with age, you can even pick up guys in hospitals!"

"Does it count if they already have one foot in the grave?"

"Don't be so naïve, they have little blue pills for issues like that."

Dan groaned, once again caught listening to a conversation he'd rather not be apart of.

"Oh really B? Are you speaking from personal experience? I have to say I'm a little disappointed in Chuck."

Blair pretend-glared.

"Yeah right! Me and Chuck have an amazing sex life."

She cringed at the loudness of her voice which disguised the polite coughing of the doctor trying to get their attention.

"Mrs Bass?"

She flushed quickly but composed herself.

"How's my son?"

"He's going to be fine. We removed the bullet cleanly and bandaged him up. Medication will keep his pain levels in check and all that's left is to keep him in overnight to be safe and watch for infection."

"Wonderful. Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"Oh hows Mr Miller? We're going to send him some flowers when he's recovered."

"He's almost out of surgery and all signs point to a full recovery."

Dan asked after Hugo's welfare.

"Mr Ravlin? He's also in surgery but it doesn't look good. He's most likely going to be in a permanent coma. It will be a miracle if he ever wakes up and even then he'll have numerous motor and memory problems."

"Where are his parents?"

Serena looked worriedly at Blair, hoping she wasn't going to threaten them or something during their difficult time.

"According to my chart his only next of kin is an older brother who should be in later."

They all nodded and smiled gratefully at the doctor before he left. Somehow, as angry as she was, Blair couldn't hate Hugo. She knew nothing about him and knowing he was an orphan changed her perspective. Who knew what Seb might be like if her and Chuck weren't around? Not having the safety net and encompassing love of parents was a true loss. She would never stop being furious with the little shit for almost taking her child from her but maybe one day she could forgive him. If he lived.

* * *

The updates should be quicker from now on!


	9. Seeing red

__

Disclaimer: I don't own gossip girl or any of it's characters, I'm just not that lucky.

**A/N: It's been forever since I've updated I know, but I'll finish it eventually! This is extra long to make up for the long absence. I've been less than motivated to continue this story for a variety of reasons, most importantly that my best friend's mom is dying of cancer so writing about hospitals and death etc was a bit hard and real for awhile. Also I'm just not that happy with this chapter, I don't know I'm kind of doubting my writing ability it's pretty mediocre so bare with me as I try to find my niche again.**

Thoughts and reviews and most appreached :)

* * *

  
Seb had been moved to a ward further away from the ER so Lydia ambled down the brightly lit corridor towards where she was told he would be. She was so focussed in musing over what to say to him that she didn't realise when a body bumped into her.

"Sorry!"

A little girl with curly brown hair gazed up at her in surprise. Her green orbs were watery and greeted her with an expression of confused fear. Lydia was pretty sure the whole collision had been her fault so she tried to reassure her.

"Are you okay sweetie?"

She found it easier to talk to someone she didn't know. It was as if she could pretend nothing remotely life-altering had happened.

"No."

"Where's your mom?"

The little girl burst into tears so she took her hand and led her to some seats. She was not particularly gifted with the young but she had interacted with Adele enough to know how to not be a complete douche.

"Hey don't cry. Are you lost?"

"No! I ran away."

Her pouty, indignant look made Lydia want to laugh. She wondered if this was what Blair was like as a child, the mystery midget almost looked like her too.

"Why?"

"My mom isn't going to live much longer. They told her so. She didn't want to tell me but I heard through the door."

"Oh man that's terrible."

"I'm a _girl_! Look at my skirt!"

She glowered at her while hefting up her peasant skirt to reaffirm the obvious and at the same time flashing everyone her pink underwear.

Lydia would have found it amusing if everything hadn't been so bloody serious. Instead she quickly pushed the girl's hands down to try and re-establish some decorum.

"Of course and that is a great skirt."

"Thanks."

As soon as the distraction to both their situations had came it had vanished again just as swiftly and left a pensive silence.

"Why would God do that to my mom? She goes to church every week!" The girl blurted out tearfully.

"I'm really not the one to ask but I do know your mom must be going out of her mind with worry. I think she must be pretty scared and you running off wont help her."

"_No one_ can help her, the doctors said they couldn't do anything."

"What's your name?"

"Kara."

"Well Kara I think _you_ can help your mom, you can go back and give her a big hug and make her time left happier. What do you think?"

Kara began crying again. This was obviously not what she wanted to hear but what could be said? Death was a shitty deal no matter what you tried to gloss it over with.

"I don't want her to die."

"I know, but just think that nothing is gone forever. Take one day at a time."

It was hardly the most comforting speech someone could give but she wasn't great with death or angst-ridden youngsters (having little experience of either) so she tried to keep it as simple as possible. Kara nodded in response and Lydia hoped it had helped.

"What's that smell?"

"What?"

"Your hair!"

"Oh."

"Why is it all red?"

"I like my hair that colour?"

Kara shook her head in disgust.

"You should change it back."

"I agree. So shall we go find your mom?"

"Nope I can find her. I know this place pretty well now."

"You're really brave you know that? Most adults are just as confused as you are when stuff like this happens."

"I am?"

"Yep! I think your mommy would think so too."

"Thanks. I'm going to go now."

"Nice to meet you Kara."

"Change your hair back okay?"

Kara ran back in the direction she had come from and to Lydia's satisfaction, a little less distressed than before.

"Yikes."

She continued in her quest to reach Seb's room thinking of the poor woman who was going to leave behind a beautiful daughter. She knew the blind terror of thinking you were going to die so she couldn't even get her head around the feeling of _knowing_ you were going to die.

When she entered Seb's room she saw him fast asleep with Chuck and Adele playing hangman on paper on top of his briefcase next to Seb's bed.

"Hey Lydia."

Chuck looked visibly taken aback at her appearance but tactfully said nothing. Adele was staring wide-eyed but her dad distracted her before she could begin with a barrage of questions.

"How about we go get some snacks from a vending machine?"

"Can I have anything I want?"

"Go for it! The chocolate bars are at your mercy!"

"Cool!"

She got up to leave and as she encountered Lydia she gave her a quick hug and whispered to her to keep an eye on her brother.

"Of course. Have fun."

Have fun? Sometimes she just shouldn't form sentences.

"Well it's rather anti-climatic to have you passed out on pain killers but at least I can stare at you without your ego doubling in size. Apparently I also like to hear myself talk even if I can't seem to with anyone else at the moment. Oh except for Kara, she's a trooper."

Lydia sat in the warm seat his father had just occupied and picked up his hand to entwine it with her own.

"So-"

She was about to continue the one-sided conversation when she heard hurried footsteps coming towards the room, expecting Blair she leapt up away from Seb as if she'd been scolded. Having his mother see her get all mushy with her beloved first born was less than appealing.

It definitely wasn't Blair.

Suddenly she was face to face with an anxious looking Nathaniel Archibald.

"Lydia. Thank god."

He rushed to embrace her without thinking, giving her a chance to inhale his familiar smell, it was comforting to remember a happier time. Her arms remained limply by her side and he eventually let her go.

"Sorry I-"

"It's okay."

"Christ Lydia your hair."

She just nodded. If she couldn't explain to her parents she certainly wasn't going to fill _him_ in. She was seriously going to slap the next person that said 'hair'. Couldn't people be more orginial?

"I just got the news and hurried here. I'm so glad you're both okay."

Lydia smiled weakly, mainly out of an automatic politeness that irked her. He went to stroke some of the dried blood out of her hair but she shrugged away from him. She saw his mouth move to apologize again but she put up a hand.

"I think it's great you're here for Blair and Chuck but you don't need to worry about me. I don't need anything from you Nate."

"I deserved that."

"It wasn't an insult it's just the truth. I can come out and tell you when Seb's awake if you want."

Nate nodded robotically and patted her on the shoulder in a fatherly gesture that was absurdly inappropriate and left the room in a daze at her skilful dismissal. Fearing for her life had ignited old emotions but apparently only for him. Did he want her to pine for him forever? He told himself no but he was disappointed nonetheless. In his dejection he completely forgot about Blair and Chuck, instead he disappeared home to indulge in some alcohol.

Lydia sighed and sat down. Her first encounter with her first ex and she thought she had handled it admirably, she was still a little shaky but Nate didn't know that. All she felt was relief, she guessed after facing the barrel of a gun, facing an old (being the operative word) flame wasn't such a colossal task.

She heard clapping from the bed.

"Bravo shortcake."

Lydia laughed quietly despite her surprise.

"Shortcake?"

He motioned for her to sit beside him and she obliged happily.

"mmm I'm hungry."

"You're drugged up you mean."

"I'm both. Did I mention how great you look?"

"I look like I walked off the set of a horror movie but that's better than 'oh god your hair' like everyone else."

"Do you think they could actually get me shortcake?"

Lydia rolled her eyes playfully at his dreamy state.

"I'll see what I can do. So you heard everything? I thought were out of it."

"I am but I'm not deaf. You finally stood up to that pervert."

"He's not a pervert Nate. I don't want you to hate him."

"Toooo late shortcake. I rhymed!"

He reminded her of when they were six and Seb was obsessed with ryhming. He'd always say 'school was cool', 'break was great' and 'dad was rad' among others. It had driven Lydia up the wall so she spent her time deliberately finding words he couldn't ryhme. She almost reduced him to tears over it once. The good old days.

Seb slid his hand up and down her arm as if discovering her skin for the first time. A trail of goosebumps appeared on the surface and she shivered involuntarily so she distracted him with conversation.

"Besides Nate doesn't have what you have."

Seb scoffed, he couldn't imagine what Nate Archibald couldn't have if he wanted it. He was sure Nate could negotiate world peace if he wasn't such a self-absorbed bastard.

"And what would that be shortcake?"

"Me."

Seb grinned but Lydia cringed internally at her lame cheesiness. What was this? A soap opera? Next she'd be telling him she was pregnant with Nate's baby and that she was actually his biological sister.

"I have you do I?"

"Of course. I'm sort of in your debt now anyway."

She stuck out her tongue cheekily. How could he make her forget the gloom surrounding them? It was scary how fast he could change a mood.

"I guess Hugo did me a favour then. If I had known getting shot would sweep you off your feet I would have done it years ago."

"Where's the fun in that? All epic romances must have their obstacles and suffering."

"True but as the hero I'm done with the suffering. Bring on the fun! Next time it's your turn to get injured, just so we're clear."

Lydia bent down to give him an impulsive kiss.

"Fun is definitely going to be had, at least after all this stuff settles."

Which she thought might be never, it was the sort of thing that shadowed you everywhere but she wanted to think positive. She was in love and she was alive, she tried to focus on that and remember that people like Kara had it worse off than she did.

"Is that a promise?"

His eyes were fluttering shut so she linked his pinky finger with hers to prove her point.

"Good." He mumbled peacefully.

She was about to give him another kiss before he was dead to the world but Becky burst in. Lydia moved away from Seb's bed guiltily. She had completely forgotten Seb was still dating her friend. Being in love really did make people stupid.

"Fuck Seb!"

At least she didn't beat around the bush. Lydia gave her an awkward hug and nodded to Seb.

"I'm going to give you guys some time alone."

Becky smiled gratefully to cover her suspicion. She didn't ask if Lydia was alright, she had already heard the tale of Seb 'saving' her. After Lydia had exited she sat on Seb's bed as he awoke slightly at her arrival. She took his hand just as Lydia had.

"How are you feeling?"

_Guilty? Trapped? _

"Fortunately pain-free."

He was so drowsy he just wanted to be left alone but he owed Becky, she deserved more than he could give her. The least he could do was talk to her.

"Good. So I hear you're the hero of the hour. I told your parents about it, I didn't know you hadn't said anything but they would have found out eventually."

"I know."

"Apparently you were oh so brave and selfless."

Her disbelieving, almost mocking tone confused him.

"That's offensive to you?"

"Well it's a little disconcerting when your boyfriend jumps in front of a gun for another girl, one who isn't her."

"Well there was definitely no jumping but it was all fucked up, I wasn't really thinking if my girlfriend would get jealous when deciding, I was more concerned about Lydia dying."

"You don't need to be like that."

"Well you're insecurity is annoying. I would have done the same for you if your life was in danger."

He wasn't entirely sure that was true but the sentiment was there as he would have definitely tried to save her somehow.

"I just always feel like you choose Lydia over me."

"This has nothing to do with you! Lydia is my best friend I didn't want to see her hurt. If you had been in that hell you might not be so fucking petty right now."

Becky sighed.

"Fine, I'm sorry. I had an evil, needy girlfriend moment. I'm glad you're alright."

"It's okay."

Seb was eager to forgive her to alleviate some of his own guilt. She might have been inappropriate but her general reservations did have basis in truth.

"Get some sleep."

There was no reply and Seb's eyes were closed so she assumed he had drifted off.

"I love you."

"Me too Lydia."

Becky wasn't sure whether she wanted to laugh or cry. She had come to the hospital knowing she had to find out one way or another whether Seb really wanted to be with her and now she had her answer. She had thought the ward was the perfect place to confront him where he had no chance to escape her questions but she had chickened out at the last minute. He had helpfully supplied her with what she needed to know when his guard was down. She was heartbroken but not that surprised, she had deep down always known his heart wasn't in it, whatever Lydia had that had him falling all over himself for was established long before she arrived. It wasn't that she couldn't make him happy, it was that no one who wasn't Lydia could. Seb was right about one thing, it wasn't about her. It had always been about Lydia.

If she wasn't a bigger person she could make Seb suffer miserably for what he had done to her but he had been through enough and it hurt too much, she just wanted a clean break. At least now she was the one doing the dumping, the first in his vast history of female liaisons.

"We're over Seb. You're an ass."

Seb smiled in semi-sleep.

"Ass is good."

She groaned. She hoped he remembered this in the morning because she wasn't sure she had the strength to repeat herself. He was getting off easy, mainly because she believed he had deceived himself as well as her. That was less infuriating and that hope kept her from feeling like a complete fool.

"You're leaving so soon?"

Lydia was sitting on the bench outside reading a magazine. Her confused look made Becky was to whack her senseless with her _Vogue_.

"Don't pretend you don't know."

"Look Bec-"

"Don't okay? I don't want to hear it. I want to believe for the sake of me not beating you that you truly were my friend and not an opportunistic bitch-"

"I was, I mean _I am _still your friend. None of this was deliberate I promise you."

"At least you've dropped the innocent act, it hardly works for you now you've fucked your mom's best friend does it?"

Lydia recoiled as if she really had been struck but ignored her comment.

"How can I make this right?"

"You don't get to make it right, smooth it out, fit it into a neat little box and go on with your life. I don't want to see you because then I'm reminded of what you've taken from me and what I could take from you."

"What do you mean?"

"Didn't I see Nate around here somewhere?"

"Is that a threat?"

"It's a 'friendly' warning to stay out of my fucking way or else."

With that she flipped her hair and stormed in the opposite direction.

_Shit.  
_  
She had forgotten that she had loaded Becky with ammo against her.

_Double shit._

It hurt to know she probably deserved anything Becky unleashed, but her parents didn't. Her father would probably have a heart attack and invest in some chasity belts.

"Wait!"

Becky moaned loudly and turned to face her.

"What could you possibly want now? Was I not clear enough a minute ago?"

"I'm sorry for everything."

"So? The result is still the same, you with what you want as per usual and me with nothing. I wont accept an apology designed to make you feel better."

"That's not-"

"Fuck off and stop stalking me."

Lydia was left standing in a wake of designer perfume.

"Bye!"

Bye? That ridiculous automatic politeness! She was pretty sure if she got mugged she'd still say her pleases and thankyous. She just didn't truly want to believe she had hurt and lost a good friend.

* * *

Blair painted her nails, red of all colours to give her something to do. Dan and Serena had gone outside to make phone calls to Jenny, Eric and their respective parents letting them know the situation so she was left alone. She had gulped down two coke cans as opposed to her usual diet coke (it had the nerve to be out of stock) and was now twitchy with the sugar and the unreality of the day.

"Mommy! I got two bars of chocolate!"

Adele rushed to her side clumsily and bumped her knee causing the nail polish stick to jerk off the side of her nail on to both her skin and skirt.

"Thanks Adele."

"Opps sorry."

"You can make it up to me if you share your chocolate."

Chuck paced up behind them and stroked the top of Adele's head.

"We had a candy run with _run_ being the operative word. I got scolded by half the staff displaced in her wake."

"I wanted candy! You said I could!"

Chuck grinned.

"I didn't mean knocking over the infirm and shouldering the ill to get to it."

Adele frowned.

"I didn't do that."

Blair laughed.

"He's just exaggerating because he's upset he had to break his signature swagger to keep up with you."

"Sorry daddy."

Chuck bent down to pick her up, she was probably too big to be held now but he didn't care.

"I'm just messing with you Addy it's all good."

Adele passed down a chocolate bar to her mother which Blair demolished in under ten seconds. Calories be damned, she had other issues to worry about.

"Can I go get a magazine from the stand downstairs?"

"If you get someone to go with you." Chuck was in no way inclined to piss off the entire hospital again.

"Nurse Abby will! She is so nice, our names rhythm too it's like we're sisters. Can I go find her?"

Chuck didn't have the energy to correct that a) that wasn't rhyming and b) If Chuck had spawned offspring older than himself he'd be in some sort of medical facility being violated by disturbingly large needles.

The last thing his 'new daughter' probably wanted was a little kid trying to monopolise the time she was paid to help the needy with. Yet she had done so once, and Chuck didn't think there was any harm in trying. She could work the Bass charm and Addy-and-Abby would be reunited.

"Only if you don't pester her and keep to a brisk pace okay speedy Gonzales?"

"Whose Gonzales?"

"Don't worry, just keep out of trouble little one."

She nodded enthusiastically and to Blair's horror took off like a bat out of hell. Adele loved her independence but she needed a leash or something.

Chuck sat down heavily beside his wife and squeezed her thigh.

"How you doing B?"

"Better, you?"

"Same."

She rested her head on his shoulder.

"What's up with daddy dearest?"

A frown automatically appeared on her husband's face at the mention of his father.

"He'll be back home tomorrow afternoon. I know he's Seb's grandfather but I wish he'd stay out of it until everything settles. He's just going to push in and make a fuss about suing and therapy and fuck knows what else. When he gets upset he's even more of a control freak than normal and today I've never heard him so shaken."

"He loves Seb, he probably felt like we did."

"I know, but he's going to take it out on me. Still, I can handle it, always have."

"Maybe he's right though."

"About what pray tell?"

"Therapy. I mean this kind of stuff can fuck a normal kid up for life you know? That's what scares me, that this will never leave him."

"It's a bit early to consider anything. Seb's tough, he'll deal. He is his father's son after all."

He gave her a smug grin that wasn't entirely convincing but made her feel better.

"You're right, we'll deal with it as a family. We Bass haven't broken down yet, we don't intend to now."

"Truer words were never spoken."

"I don't want him to leave, I don't ever want to let him out of my sight again. I'm thinking of getting a GPS chip put in his neck so I'll always know where he is."

He chuckled lightly.

"Darling that does not surprise me one bit, I might even help you. We could knock him out with chloroform one day and he'll be none of the wiser. We should probably do Addy too while we're at it. We could dress up in black with masks and have walkie talkies, I'm sure that wont give them nightmares."

"Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit."

"I'm usually better at diffusing your hysteria but I guess being in a crisis has put me off my game."

"I'm not hysterical! Look I'm painting my nails. All I'm saying is that Seb wont be able to breathe without me knowing where and when from now until he's fourty. It's just good sense!"

"I feel it's safest to agree with you at this point. It's not smart to provoke the unstable."

"Fuck up Bass I'm perfectly fine, you're just projecting. You really want our son going god knows where without your knowledge?"

Chuck laughed. Blair had always been an easy-going mother and now she was swinging _way_ too far the other way.

"You mean like when he's at college? Or when he lives in a different city or when he travels? Do you think we should quit our jobs and follow him around for the rest of his life? I'm mean we could but he'd probably try and have us institutionalised at some point, maybe even killed."

"Stop mocking me! You think it's funny joking about murder? After what's happened today? Can you be anymore fucking tactless Bass?"

She shoved him away from her and covered her face as she began to cry.

"Shit B I'm sorry. I'm a bastard, do you want to slap me? I know that always makes you feel better. You know I was just being a dick for something to do, there's nothing I love more than getting under your skin but I'm sorry I chose now to do it. Please talk to me."

Blair looked up at him and raised a challenging eyebrow, completely devoid of tears.

"You're so gullible. Did I mention I love watching you squirm? I just thought you'd like to be reminded that you can't win arguments with me even when you think I'm unstable. Sucks to be you."

Chuck grinned. What a lying bitch.

"I didn't lose the argument, you cheated."

"Did not. I think grovelling and self-reproach is as good a defeat as any."

"You really are a Bass."

"Always."

"Good."

They smiled at each other, briefly elated from their frantic worry. The shit could hit the fan as much as it wanted but they'd always cope somehow, even if it was in their own less than conventional ways.

_A/N: Still to come: Masquerade balls, public humilation, Vegas. You know, the usual._


	10. Freak out!

__

Disclaimer: I don't own gossip girl or any of it's characters, I'm just not that lucky.

**A/N: It's been like a month I know but I'm out of the loop with this story at the moment. I haven't looked at it for ages because of uni and it was harder than I thought to get back into it. This chapter is more of a fluffy filler leading up to the climax. It's not perfect and I'm not completely happy with it but I wanted you to have something since I have a month of exams ahead and little chance of posting. This will be finished though don't worry.**

**Question: Do we want Nate to have a happy or sad ending? He plays a big part ahead but do we want him redeemed or not? **

**Please review xx**

Seb woke up to find his father sleeping awkwardly, upright in the plastic chair next to his bed. The small lamp beside him was on and he could tell by the closed curtains that it was night-time. The hospital felt like a cross between a hotel and a plane. Chuck had made sure his son's spacious room had an ensuite, superb view and wall-mounted flat screen TV and he had nurses at his beck and call like room service. Yet the whole place had this hum, maybe it was all the machines working to keep people alive but it felt like the drone of 747 engines. Either that or the morphine had really fucked him up.

"Dad."

Chuck woke with a start and a noise between a moan and a choke. He looked around blearily before smiling tiredly at his son.

"Hey."

"What time is it?"

Chuck bent his head to look at his watch but hissed quickly while rubbing his neck. He hadn't slept this rough since his drunken night out with Nate last month (he was wingman for his newly single friend) and ended up passed out in the hall of their friend's apartment building. That particular night he had just managed to crawl up the stairs before collapsing around the corner. He was awoken by the screaming of an elderly woman who obviously thought he was dead as she then proceeded to whack him in the head with her diamond encrusted cane just to make sure.

"Just after one."

"Where's mom and Lydia?"

"Lydia's parents took her home to get cleaned up and rest. They wanted to look after her although she was more concerned with looking after you."

Seb couldn't help but smiling, things had changed but not all necessarily for the worse.

"Mom?"

"She was here until as late as possible but she had to get Adele back, she has school tomorrow and the masquerade ball has to be postponed. A lot of phone calls to make. I sacrificed myself to stay with you. I wonder if they have porn you can pay for, if not I'm sure there's a cable show just as good. It _is_ that time of night."

Seb laughed at his father's exagerrated winking, he knew his father was doing it for his benefit.

"Dad after midnight usually means endless infomercials."

"Maybe I could convince one of the nurses to-"

"Dad let's just leave the TV for now okay?"

Chuck grinned.

"Who are you and what did you do with my son?"

Seb wanted to retort back but then he remembered why they were there in the first place and any light-hearted mood disintegrated.

"Did anyone call for me?"

His father nodded.

"Other than the media and gossips? Amber and a girl called Leanne and few guys that Blair didn't know the names of."

Seb was elated to hear Leanne had asked about him, if only all the girls he had trampled over could be so forgiving. Amber would be calling to find out the news first hand, in fact they probably all were.

"Okay, how's mom's stress level with the ball being postponed and everything?"

"Code red."

"Did you hide the alcohol? More importantly, the credit cards?"

"Stop being a smart ass, that's my job. She's more frustrated she can't be here instead and having to call around to cancel everything is just the icing on the cake from hell."

"Yeah."

"Did you see Lydia earlier? Fuck! She looked like a train wreck, poor kid."

Seb glared.

"She can hardly help it can she? She was standing right in front of Hugo when he unloaded a shot into his mouth. I think appearance are the least of her worries."

Chuck frowned.

"Hey, I wasn't trying to insult her, I was just making an observation."

"Well don't."

"What's your problem? You're not still in love with her are you?"

Seb's eyes doubled in size, and Chuck tried not to grin in satisfaction. He might be pretty but he certainly wasn't stupid.

"Wha- what?"

"Seb you're my son, I'm not an idiot. Don't worry, I never told your mother the real reason you were a dick to her, it would only send her on a mission to drag you to the altar."

"How long have you known?"

"I've had my suspicions for awhile, when your mom and me were first dancing around each other I had more ass than a- uh well the point is I tried to forget about her because love is a scary concept for any guy."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"Because I was waiting for you to come to me, besides if I told you you'd have got all defensive just like now and probably made Lydia even more miserable than usual."

"Don't remind me."

"If it helps, I think keeping her out of the morgue might make up for the years of emotional abuse. If Serena can forgive me for trying to have sex with her for most of our teenage years and manipulating those around her than I'm sure her daughter can do the same."

"Dad you really have to tell me everything about your wild child past. It's not fair that I have to read it all online."

"I would but your mother would never speak to me again. Apparently recollecting about bribing police and sex tapes with supermodels aren't the kind of thing you should know. I have to pretend I didn't have a life until you and Adele were born."

"Ah, well have fun with that. I'll just google you a few more times. Besides you can't have been that badass if you're scared of mom."

Chuck laughed.

"I'm not scared of B, I'm just reluctant to give up certain privileges if I got caught."

"So you're whipped?"

"At least _I'm_ getting some. When was the last time Becky was over?"

"We _are_ pretty much over, on account of wanting to sleep with my best friend. A lot."

"Good luck with Dan. I'd put in a good word for you but it doesn't mean much coming from me and I don't feel inclined to now you've made fun of me."

"You're so sensitive father."

"Nah I just want to see you squirm under Dan's gaze once he finds out you're trying to get into his only child's pants."

"I saved her life! Doesn't that entitle me to at least try for the pants?"

"So if some guy started trying to get to Adele you'd let him try?"

"Adele wont be having sex. Period. She'll somehow find a great husband but lead a sexless existence."

Chuck nodded solemnly.

"Of course."

They both changed the subject to avoid picturing Adele in romantic situations that made both father and son clench their fists and growl under their breath.

"Dad you can go home if you want, I'm fine here."

"You'll give me less stress than Blair at the moment. I'm cool where I am."

"Thanks."

* * *

Seb came out of the hospital the next day and after vehemently rejecting even the mention of therapy, life seemed to resume as normal. The 'incident' was never really mentioned much because Seb shut down as soon as anything about it came up (especially on the news) and that was if he was around at all. Blair was delighted to have him back and with Lydia but now he was barely there, emotionally as well as physically.

It wasn't until a Friday evening when Adele was at a friend's and Chuck at poker night that she got him alone in the house.

"Seb?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you staying in tonight? Alone, I mean?"

"Yep."

"Can you come sit with me?"

Seb sighed, he knew this had been coming. Blair couldn't stay silent or uninformed for long, it was physically impossible.

"Sure."

She smiled reassuringly at him as she pushed some hair behind his ear, the smiling assassin.

"How are things?"

"Fine."

"Good."

"Yep."

They sat in an uncomfortable silence for a few seconds while Blair clicked her heel impatiently on the wooden floor. Finally, when she realised Seb had become a mute she blurted out her worries.

"It's just we barely see you, if you're not around at Lydia's your holed up with her in your room. You went through a huge trauma and now you're locking me out, it's scary. You're not partying or being a pain in the ass as usual. It's not you, it's not normal."

What was normal anyway? It wasn't like he was deliberately being different but he had no reason to drink to oblivion at some random party with people he didn't really care for now he could hang out with someone he did. He didn't need to spend money taking girls out when the girl he was going out with was the biggest couch potato he'd ever met. Sure he was living a quiet life at the moment but what was wrong with that? He liked it and he had had enough of his wild lifestyle which was more effort to maintain than it was worth. Lydia loved him whether he wore label clothes or not, she was happy to read on his bed while he surfed the net on a Saturday night. He could do whatever he wanted or do nothing and that was okay.

"I'm fine, I'm just having fun chilling out. Partying is exhausting and I hated most people I hung out with anyway."

Blair knew exactly how that had once felt, hadn't she mellowed once her and Chuck got serious? She'd just lounge around his suite (and even learnt to play video games) because it was less stressful and infinitely more enjoyable than being the usual Blair Waldorf, bitch extraordinaire. It was just weird to see her son making such a similar transition.

"Okay, but you're sure that's it?"

Seb didn't need to add that staying inside for awhile was also less hassle than being harassed by the media and public alike about what it was like to 'face a maniac'. It's all they wanted to hear about and he thought it gave Hugo too much credit, he wasn't some sort of criminal mastermind or ferocious killer. He was just an insecure brat who wanted attention and to feel like he mattered. That could describe half the people his age, it just so happened that this one was stupid enough to involve firearms in his personal issues. Okay, so it was easier to come to this rationale _after_ he could picture Hugo without feeling nauseas but the point was still valid.

"Mom I'm not hiding some psychological complex from you, I'm not that deep I'm simply doing other stuff."

Blair shuddered to imagine what that might involve. Lydia and Seb dating meant that sex would eventually take place (if not already) and as much as she had wanted them together, it had always been imagined like one of those fairytales, sugary sweet and nothing over a PG rating. The reality of it was a little unnerving.

"Okay Seb I just worry. I thought I had lost you once, I never want to suspect anything like that ever again."

"Mom I don't plan on teasing any machete-wielding stalkers or jealous ex-girlfriends with knives if that helps."

"That's not what I mean, your death is just- I can't think about it but you being a stranger is no better."

"Mom-"

He sat up as she stared sadly at him.

"I know I'm just being me, paranoid and crazy as always and I know we've never been as close as you and your dad but sometimes I feel like you don't want to know me and worse that you don't want me to know you."

"That's not true, it's just there's nothing you don't know. I'm also leaving home soon so I just guess I'm trying to ease myself into not having you fuss over me everyday. I'm going to miss it when I'm gone, I may even miss 'little one' although I highly doubt it. The point is, I'm not a stranger I'm just growing up and if you want to know something you only have to ask."

Blair wanted to ask why he had never discussed the shooting with either of them, they had been tactful enough to wait and let him talk about it in his own time but he hadn't. She guessed he had Lydia as his confidante now and she was glad but it meant she had to get details about it all from Serena who was lucky enough to have Lydia confide the horrific day to her. She didn't persist though because as curious as she was, she was also content to forget it all ever happened.

"You're right but I'll always see you as my baby, you gave me my first feeling of soul-encompassing, body wracking love that I still feel that when I look at you. One day you'll see reason behind my madness when you have a child but until then just know how much you mean to me."

She wasn't usually this sappy but the mention of him leaving the nest and the memories of him when he was an adorable infant had left her feeling shell-shocked and maudlin.

Seb hugged his petite mother to him, he rarely hugged either of his parents but she definitely deserved it. He had always felt safe and loved and that was mainly thanks to the efforts of his mother, he hadn't full appreciated that until now. Actually that was a lie, it was full appreciated when Hugo had stepped into class on the last day of school. He had never been so thankful for what his parents had done for him when that safety was ripped away and he faced losing it all. Hugo couldn't have known that kind of upbringing and that was the biggest shame of all.

* * *

_Three weeks later:_

This was the longest night of Lydia's life. Okay that was a little dramatic but that pretty much summed her up not to mention the hideous dinner.

Dan stood at the end of the table around which both Bass and Humphrey families now regularly gathered.

"I thought I would make a toast with this insanely expensive champagne that Chuck brought around and to my little girl and her boyfriend."

Dan grimaced at the word 'boyfriend' but kept his happy countenance.

Lydia wanted to stab herself in the eye with her fork and judging by Seb's pained expression opposite to her he was feeling the same way. He managed a weak smile when he made eye contact.

"They are both going to attend Yale which will come sooner than we hope. One thing to be thankful for however, is that they have each other and will look after each other like they have all their lives. It is their one month anniversary today and considering they wouldn't have known each other if _we_ hadn't known each other I think it's appropriate that it be a family affair."

More like her parents had twisted her arm and pulled out every past indiscretion and verbally bashed her over the head with it until she guilty agreed to this dinner party. If this happened every month she was going to seriously contemplate matricide. She knew this wasn't her father's idea judging by his constipated smile and disapproving glances at his wife. He sounded like he was a bad actor reading a cheesy script.

"So here's to our children, who always make us proud and who have both made their mothers the happiest people on the planet."

Everyone clapped except Seb and Lydia who frowned at each other. Dating someone you loved was awesome but dating someone whose parents have seen you naked in their paddling pool and can remember the time you peed yourself at their house was definitely interesting. At times like these it was also extremely mortifying.

Dating Seb had been a commitment akin to an engagement, they both knew it when they first got together considering the unique family connection but they didn't care. It was hard to see or judge past what didn't immediately involve each other. This love was new to Lydia but to Seb it was an old enemy who had become a friend. They often argued over which was better, discovering or rediscovering true love. They'd argue over it and usually ended up _making_ love as a way to agree to disagree. In Seb's case, like father like son.

"Seb could you pass the potatoes?"

He slid them across the table to Lydia and gave her a charming smile. It slipped off his face when he realised all the adults at the table were watching them affectionately. It was like they were some romance movie that their parents could tune into whenever something swoon-worthy was playing. It had been like this since they admitted they were dating and they only hoped in time the novelty would wear off. In reaction to the annoyance both Seb and Lydia tried to be detached to each other when around them, only even passing the stupid potatoes became a hassle to control.

Lydia was washing the dishes when Seb came around behind her and enveloped her waist.

"Why did you have to stare at me like that earlier Bass?"

"When?"

"You know when."

"Enlighten me."

His hand was slipping down her skirt into a dangerous area.

"I wont if you keep molesting me while I'm doing _our_ chores."

"What? Can I help it if I'd rather feel you up rather than clean plates?"

"Yes you can, you're making it way too difficult."

"Stop being such a hall monitor."

They both smiled.

"Fine but you have to stop giving our parents reasons to plan our wedding which includes removing certain hands from certain areas of my anatomy."

"They like where they are thank you."

The parts of her anatomy weren't complaining either but her mouth continued.

"If my father comes in here to find us _like this _you'll be trying to drill through a chastity belt by weeks end."

"He still thinks you're a virgin?"

The idea that Dan's ignorance or denial was that successful seemed ridiculous.

"He doesn't _think_ about it at all but it doesn't mean he wont pretend. _This _is not needed to remind him.

"He really needs to get real."

"Like your dad? I think I prefer my dad being deliberately blind as opposed to Chuck who I can't look in the eye anymore when I know he knows about-"

"All the humping like bunnies all over the house?"

Lydia cringed.

"Something like that yeah."

Seb realised no matter how many times he made love to her she would never quite lose all of the Humphrey prudishness or self-consciousness she inherited from her father, but he wasn't sure he wanted her to.

"Okay fine I'll seise and desist."

"Thank you."

She couldn't help but let out a disappointed sigh that only achieved that smug Bass smile. She gave him a withering look that lasted about three seconds as he picked up the dish cloth in an appeasing gesture. Dan refused to get a dishwasher so that Lydia could learn how he grew up or something weirdly symbolic like that, all in all it was just a pain.

"I think we should get away."

Lydia raised an eyebrow.

"Where?"

"Vegas!"

"We can't even gamble or go to clubs."

"Do we forget who my grandfather is?"

Bart Bass had acquired three casinos over the years, which meant that when his legacy breezed into town it was practically his playground. Age was flexible when money and a good name were flashed around.

"Oh yeah I forgot."

"So what do you think? We could get the penthouse suite any place in town and fly over on the jet."

Sometimes Lydia really _really_ loved her life. No one should be this lucky. Suddenly Hugo flashed into her mind quickly, he still haunted her when her head got too far up in the clouds. She doubted he'd ever leave her but it was part of her, the bad to put the good in perspective.

"I think you're on."

"We can invite Leanne and Dean if you want."

"Really? That would be so cool!"

She bounced up and down happily on the spot, unaware water was sloshing over the side of the sink.

"Okay find out when they are free and we'll leave whenever you want."

Lydia bent around awkwardly to kiss him with her gloved hands still deep in hot water.

"You definitely know how to dazzle people."

Seb grinned openly.

"Well I have to provide some incentive for you to stay with me."  
_  
_He was tactful enough not to mention certain other 'qualities' that kept her coming back.

"Don't try pretend to be modest, it doesn't suit you."

Seb shrugged his shoulders before exiting the kitchen at his mother's request for an ice water. Truthfully, he was terrified of losing Lydia. Any cute guy that smiled at her seemed a threat to him despite the fact he eclipsed them all in looks and charm. He dealt with it though, he knew Lydia loved him back (about fucking time in Seb's opinion) so it made the fear worth it.

Eventually Lydia finished the dishes and resented the laughter of Seb drifting into the room as he regaled the adults with some story. He got to sit on his ass and charm them all while she had to clean. Where was the justice? She grumpily sat down beside them in her living room as he was ending his telling of an escapade that had obviously been censored.

"Ah Lydia, all done?"

She frowned at her father.

"Of course."

"Good girl. Now for the important discussion."

_Please don't be the sex talk. Please don't be the sex talk._ Both Lydia and Seb looked at each other in horror, apparently great minds really did think alike.

"Your first home."

This was Chuck taking the reigns now, he was squeezing Blair's thigh as she nodded to him enthuastically.

"Uh, what dad?"

"Well obviously we expect you two to be married within a few years, preferrably just after your graduation. So we need to decide where you want us to buy your first house."

Lydia burst out laughing and looked to her own father, finally his need to be a normal family with chores and game nights must pay off. Surely he would rant at him for assuming and paying so much.

No such luck.

Really, where was the freaking justice?"

Both Dan and Serena were smiling at the young couple like they had become stepford people.

"Well obviously son we are going to take care of you, once you get a solid career you can support yourself but we want you set up first, we can dip into the trust fund for that. The wedding will be paid for between both families. You'll need to be close to the CBD obviously but we want you within walking distance of both of us so we can easily see you when you have children. The school district is another thing to consider. What are your thoughts?"

Both Seb and Lydia sat with mouths agape and no words.

Dan leaned across from his couch to pat his daughter on the knee.

"It's a lot to take in but you have a few months to figure it out, we want to know details before you go to college and get distracted. Besides with the housing market as it is, now is a good time to buy. We could show you a few places before you leave and then buy it and lease it out until you come back."

Seb finally found his voice:

"Are you all high?"

Serena laughed.

"Seb everyone needs to learn responsibility. I need to know that you'll look after my girl, that means making the tough choices. Like outdoor or indoor wedding? Home or abroad?"

"Mom! What are you talking about! We're eighteen!"

This was getting remarkably close to a nightmare she had had a few days ago, it was too cliched to pinch herself but the fact she was beginning to feel nauseas told her it was real.

Blair stood up dramatically and paced the room.

"Exactly! Times-a-wasting, you guys have a competitive life ahead of you with school and jobs and social circles. You were born into a dog-eat-dog society and we'll be damned if you flounder or end up traveling the world like a bum trying to find yourself. You know who you are, you're New York royalty and there comes expectations and duties with that. We want you ahead of the curve in every respect. This is part of it. Understand?"

Chuck paled.

"I feel sick."

Lydia nodded.

"Ditto."

"So anything you kids want to add?"

There was a long silence where both Lydia and Seb sat rigidly with their hands clamped together, sweating. Had they entered the twilight zone? Did pod people actually exist? Was this the punishment for years of spoiltness and excess?

Then suddenly the serious faces around them began to falter. Blair put a hand over her mouth but her eyes were twinkly, Dan was coughing loudly to disguise a soft chuckle. Chuck was looking smug as usual and Serena was taking great interest in her chandelier. Then when Lydia was starting to hyperventilate, they all burst out laughing.

What the fuck?

"Did we miss something? Other than our lives being decided?"

Chuck laughed loudly.

"This is to prove we still all have a wicked sense of humour. We know you think we are being ridiculously suffocating of you so we thought we'd give you a taste of what we could be like. Just ask your friend Amber."

"Huh?"

Blair smiled sympathetically at Seb. Her clueless, bewildered Seb.

"It's all bullshit honey."

"Oh."

Dan scoffed.

"As if I'd let you get your own house bought for you. The mere idea of a wedding makes me sick with dread as it is."

Seb let out a breath.

"You're not the only one dude."

Serena looked at him questioningly. How come when Dan said it it was cool but when he did he was suddenly a dick? Whatever, they were all obviously mental anyway.

"Why would you do that to us? You almost killed me. I think I felt my heart stop!"

Serena rolled her eyes playfully at her daughter's outburst.

"Don't be so dramatic."

"If anyone has a flair for drama it's all you guys!"

Blair yawned.

"Okay, prank pulled delightfully, children put in their place, now let's forget it and get drunk."

Seb smiled.

"Finally! Something I can agree with."

Dan frowned.

"You're eighteen Sebastian, come back in three year then we'll talk."

Seriously, could this night have gotten anymore fucked up? Being a freak show, doing dishes (well watching Lydia do dishes), being totally freaked out by immature parental units AND denied the consolement of alcohol? There was some violation of human rights going on, he was sure.

Lydia grabbed his hand and gave him a bemused look as all the parents scrambled to the wooden bar on the opposite side of the room.

"Having fun?"

"You bet."

She leaned across quickly kissed his neck before resting her head on his shoulder.

"Happy anniversary Seb."

"Happy anniversary by little sex bunny."

Lydia laughed.

"I love you, you insensitive weirdo."

Okay, so maybe his night wasn't a _complete_ loss.

* * *

* * *


	11. A sudden death

__

Disclaimer: I don't own gossip girl or any of it's characters, I'm just not that lucky.

**A/N: This is fairly long which is why I only read through it once so it might not be as error-free as it usually is. Also, for some reason I can't un-italic an early section of the chapter which is really weird so if a sentence isn't inner monologue but is in italics then that's the bit I mean.******

R&R please and thank you :)

* * *

  
"Mom there's no more milk!"

Serena came into their space-age looking kitchen with her empty coffee cup as her daughter sat disappointedly at the counter with cereal and a spoon.

"I'll get some more when I'm out."

Lydia sighed loudly.

"Who used it up?"

"Your father I think."

"Dad!"

Lydia shouted in frustration at her father who happened to be on the train to work.

"Just make some toast hun it wont kill you."

"I want cereal though!"

She knew she was acting like a petulant child but she hadn't been up this early in a long time. Leanne had convinced her to go jogging with her while the streets weren't too crowded, when agreeing she had forgotten that it meant functioning at an alien hour. Besides, when were New York streets ever not busy? Obviously, she was not a morning person.

"Well go buy yourself some more milk."

Her mother was always so annoyingly patient.

"In my pyjamas?"

Serena rolled her eyes.

"You really are useless before 10 o'clock."

"Wow way to raise my self esteem mother."

"Please just be quiet or I'll have to swat you with the paper."

Almost always annoyingly patient.

Lydia laughed half-heartedly at herself.

"Fine I'll go get the stupid milk."

She got her purse and left the house. How she forgot to put clothes on baffled her but she put it down to the distinct lack of caffeine in her system and the distracting rumbling of her stomach.

"Crap!"

She was half way to the corner store when she realised her bright pink nightwear was attracting some odd looks. She shrugged, there was no way she was going back to change and further delay the milk mission. How many people could seriously be around at eight on a Sunday?

Apparently half of the upper east side.

"Lydia darling!"

Three of her mother's 'friends' were in the store in fashionable running gear with matching label bags. Apparently jogging was a popular past time for those up before noon. They were still running on the spot while waiting in line to buy their water bottles when they spotted her.

"Oh hi."

She couldn't remember any of their names, her brain was still a fog so she just smiled sweetly at them knowing they'd do all the talking.

"What are you still doing dressed like _that_?"

Mrs-brunette-big-hair was staring down at her in patronising amusement. Lydia pulled at her pyjama top self-consciously.

"No milk."

The fewer syllables the better, less effort and hopefully a good hint she wanted to be left to blush to death in peace.

"But sweetheart even milk calls for at least casual dress."

Was there a rule somewhere she had missed? She had never taken etiquette classes so she had no clue. Either way she was pretty sure old pyjamas were as casual as it came.

"I'm, uh, running to a clock."

__

I.e if I don't get my freaking milk in the next few minutes I'll pull out all your expensive hair extensions for holding me up.

The brunette's face lit up and Lydia could manage only a weak smile despite her mental ramblings.

"So are we! Running is so exhilarating, you really must get your mother to join us, not that she needs to lose any weight the lucky thing. I see you have her genes. My little girl Marie is so chubby, I'm trying to get her on a diet and maybe some liposuction but six year olds can be _so_ stubborn!"

All her friends tittered in agreement but all Lydia could do was smile again, not sure how to reply to such madness. They all cooed over her for a minute longer before they had to pay and she was free to escape to the fridge.

"_Darling _how _are_ you today?"

She turned around to find Seb leaning casually against one of the fridges with a cheeky smile.

"How long have you been listening?"

"Not long, I just saw a flash of bright pink and you had my attention."

"I'm surprised to see you here, I thought you'd be nursing a hangover."

Seb ran a hand through his dark messy hair and smirked.

"That's my genetic gift, I have superhuman recovery speeds from alcohol thanks to both my mother _and_ father. You should have come last night."

Lydia had blown off a party at Amber's for a night in with a book, she had neglected her favourite past time in exchange for certain other activities with Bass but she was determined to catch up. Plus she knew Amber wouldn't have been overjoyed to see her there anyway.

"I'm going running this morning so it wasn't a good idea."

Seb tried to suppress an unconvinced grin. Lydia voluntarily running in the morning could only be the result of some sort of stroke or lobotomy.

"That _would_ explain you up and about even if you are zombified."

She tried to slap at him playfully but he was too quick for her and it only earned her a soft laugh. Since when was he up anyway? All the mornings they had spent together they were curled around each other until noon and suddenly she disappears for a day and he's looking irritatingly refreshed and fully functional. It wasn't fair.

"The whole running thing Lyd, you do realise it will be hell on earth? The only exercise you get is from me-"

He bent in and kissed her neck suggestively sending pleasant shivers down her spine.

"- and even so, the whole work out _you've_ got planned will kill you."

"Stop being so annoying, just stand and look pretty."

They both smiled stupidly at each other as he took the milk from her to carry to the counter. Lydia felt herself flushing again in the line as more familiar faces from around the neighbourhood entered the shop.

The place must do a roaring trade.

"So why haven't you asked about the pyjamas?"

"What about them? You've had them since you were like ten, I'm surprised they still fit."

Lydia laughed.

"It's creepy that you know that."

"If you weren't so half asleep and cute looking I'd be insulted that you called your wonderful boyfriend 'creepy'. Can't we call it 'overly observant'?"

"Only if you let me lean on you."

"Done."

She swayed into him and stayed there while she yawned loudly. He smelt so good, she was practically conditioned to fall asleep to the smell of his _Armani_ these days.

"Take me home to bed. Lydia no run today."

Seb smiled sympathetically down at her.

"Sorry shorty no can do. I _can_ however take you out to lunch later."

Lydia stiffened under his grasp which confused him.

"Thanks but no, I'm seeing Leanne later."

"Obviously, I mean after the torturous exercise."

"But then we're doing stuff."

"Stuff?"

"mmm."

Her face was beginning to redden with what Seb recognised as guilt. He felt uncomfortably out of the loop.

"Okay well just call me later."

"Seb?"

"Shorty?"

"I love you."

Seb smiled but it didn't last, she was trying to sooth wounded feelings more than anything else.

"Back at you."

He kissed the back of her head as he left the store and she paid. She hated lying to him but she didn't think he'd understand if he knew.

Finally she paid for her milk but when she turned around she came face to face with Nate who had just entered the store. She immediately lost her appetite.

"Oh Lydia."

He didn't look too good, it was obvious he hadn't shaved in days and his hair was a mess. He still looked undeniably sexy but she pushed the observation to the back of her mind.

"Nate."

She felt her face begin to heat up for the hundredth time, he shifted awkwardly, obviously a little flustered too. If only she had chosen the toast.

"So Lyd, how are things?"

"Fine, you?"

"Yeah pretty good, so you and Seb are together I hear?"

He gave her a crooked smile but his eyes were serious.

"It's not really any of your business Nate."

He stared down at his shoes and she felt guilty. It's not like what she said was wrong but no matter who it was, she always hated making people feel bad. Plus, being staunch was easier when you weren't a beetroot.

"You're right I just- I was thinking of coming to talk with you."

Lydia refrained from rolling her eyes, it was too early for this but for some reason she felt sorry for him.

"Do you want to walk me home?"

Nate's face lit up and she felt a bit better.

"Sure, I wouldn't want you kidnapped by some pervert with a fetish for flannel nightwear."

Lydia couldn't help but smile slightly.

"I was waiting for you to say something."

They both walked out of the shop into the crisp air, Nate had obviously abandoned any of the plans that directed him into the shop in the first place.

"I'm sorry I mentioned you and Seb."

"It's okay."

"I think it's great, I always knew you'd get together eventually."

He didn't sound too enthused about it but he was making the effort.

"Yeah you and apparently everyone we've ever met."

"Conforming to family wishes, I guess it's not exactly the teenage rebellion most people expect."

"I had my teenage rebellion after you dumped me and I can't say I ever enjoyed it."

She mentally scolded herself for revealing so much. Why were they suddenly acting like friends? She wished she wasn't always so scared of confrontation. Nate visibly blanched beside her at her words.

"I'm sorry about that."

"Don't sweat it. It's water under the bridge."

"That's what I wanted to say, I wanted to see if you maybe wanted to hang out again?"

"_What_?"

"I mean as friends, like before, we had a lot of fun didn't we?"

"Nate don't you have friends your own age you can entertain?"

"Ouch."

She couldn't decide if he really was that lonely or he was just trying to make himself feel better about everything.

"Sorry but c'mon you really think I want to see you casually after what happened between us? Not to mention Seb would probably kill you if he found out you were even asking."

Nate sighed.

"You're right. I've fucked up everything, I'm just trying to get it together somehow but this is the wrong way. I just don't want you to hate me anymore."

"I don't Nate, I honestly don't."

Nate smiled genuinely for the first time that morning.

"Good. Think you could convince Seb to forgive and forget too? I miss talking to him."

"You'd have to ask him yourself, me defending your case is in no way going to help anything trust me."

"I have tried and tried, I've called him, dropped by his house, I've stalked him to a clothes store like a lunatic but he wont listen. He just threatens that he'll tell everyone about us if I don't quit it."

"He wont say anything it's just a bluff but you can't push him, Nate you knew there would be consequences when you started- what you did."

Nate groaned.

"There wouldn't have been any if you hadn't told him."

Lydia whipped around to glare at him.

"Excuse me? _You_ break my heart and you think you deserve a free pass? I can tell whoever I like whatever I like Nate, Seb is everything to me which is why I wanted him to know everything."

"I just thought losing you was punishment enough but you're right I'm a jerk."

Lydia ran a hand through her messy hair, was he seriously this immature? No wonder he was still single and thankfully without children.

"This was never about me Nate, I've finally realised that."

"What?"

"This was about my mother, everything you've ever done with me was somehow connected to you pining pathetically after my mom."

"Lydia-"

"For once Nate be a man and just tell me the fucking truth."

Lydia could really be a force to be reckoned with despite looking as surprised at herself as Nate. He sighed heavily, what the hell.

"I think it was about Serena at first and it certainly was at the end but in between I genuinely cared about you. That's the truth."

Lydia nodded.

"I can walk the rest of the way myself Nate."

"Sure."

Nate stopped walking so she could walk on ahead of him. He had never felt like such a failure, even all those years of disappointing his father, he had never felt so empty when he looked into Lydia's pale, disapproving eyes.

* * *

"How is he doing today?"

Nurse Petra smiled at the visitor, Hugo only had two so it wasn't hard to remember her name.

"Much the same as last week Lydia."

Lydia smiled pleasantly at the older woman taking his blood pressure, she hadn't expected any miracles as there had been no change for the last few weeks. No steps towards recovery, no sliding down into the grave either.

"Do you want me to put the flowers in a vase for you?"

"Thanks Petra."

She sat silently beside the comatose young man, it used to be awkward watching over him when she barely knew him, when if he was awake he'd probably tell her to get lost. It didn't matter though, she couldn't change the past but she could make the effort now.

"So Hugo, here we are again. I didn't bring a book this time after I found out from Mr. Miller you liked gothic horror novels as opposed to my historical romances. I didn't want to inflict any further suffering on you when you aren't in a position to protest."

She smiled to herself, wondering if Hugo would smile if he could. It was odd trying to befriend someone she knew next to nothing about, especially when they didn't talk back but she liked a challenge.

"Your brother told me you were good at soccer. My boyfriend used to play when he was little but he broke his nose in a horrific tackle when he was eleven and his mom forbid him from any sports after that. I think the only thing he could try was golf with his dad but it bored the shit out of him. He never had any patience!"

Lydia stopped herself when she realised Hugo hated this certain boyfriend, enough to shoot him. She should probably change the topic or he might give up on life just to shut up her gushing.

"Anyway I wont be able to come next week, I'm going to Las Vegas. It's very spoilt and frivolous of me I know, you'd hate it but after what you put me through I think it's only fair I get some proper R&R. I'll bring you back a T-shirt if I hear your brain activity has increased, great incentive right? Yeah I bet you're rolling your eyes under there. Either way you are driving your poor brother crazy with your stubbornness so do it for him."

She swore she could see Hugo's hand twitch but he didn't open his eyes and no bleepy thing went off so she ignored it. Every week she thought she saw something that pointed to recovery and every time he remained still.

Duncan, Hugo's older brother entered the room.

"Hey Lydia, I forgot you were coming."

"I come every Tuesday you know that."

"Yeah I mean you said you'd come every Tuesday, I didn't think you'd actually do it."

Lydia frowned as Duncan fumbled for an explanation.

"I mean he didn't have many friends, especially not ones like you and after what he did to your boyfriend I just thought-"

"It's okay I understand. So how are things?"

"Well reporters have finally stopped harassing me and people don't look at me like I'm the sibling of Satan so much now so I guess things are good."

Lydia smiled sympathetically.

"Give it time and people will forget all about it."

"A shooting at the most prestigious private school in New York? I somehow doubt it."

"I'm sorry. So how's work?"

She tried to change the subject but nothing seemed to bring any good news.

"I'm not fired yet which is a plus although I don't know where I'd go after being laid off from a fast food restaurant!"

"It's because you take time off to see your brother, if they fire you for that then my father will totally sue them into the next century. Besides I offered to help with the medical bills, I have some money saved."

"I know your intentions are good but I don't need your charity."

"It's not-"

"Why are you even bothering? Is it to alleviate guilt? You didn't do anything wrong so don't feel obligated to come here."

"I don't, I just I can't explain it. When I looked at Hugo during the whole ordeal I saw a how scared he was. I know what that feels like to feel no one will ever understand you. Most kids do.

School is supposed to be the place you spend your happiest years and we should have all looked out for each other, if we did this couldn't have happened. A lot of what he said about me was true and I've tried to become a better person because of it. So I guess I feel a little guilty but I just want to show Hugo, even in situations like these it's never to late to change or to learn."

Duncan shook his head but he was smiling.

"You really are something."

"I'm not, trust me."

"Does Sebastian Bass know you come here?"

The gnawing feeling of guilt returned.

"No, no one does. If I tell people it will cheapen it, they'll say I just did it for the attention."

"Good point."

"Well I should go, you guys need your time together."

"I'll walk you out."

As Lydia would find out, anything you try to hide or do in secret when you are a Humphrey doesn't last long.

__

This just in readers. A certain princess of the upper east side seen outside the hospital with a mystery older guy getting planted with an affectionate kiss and embrace. Why the hospital trip? Only L knows (for now). Where is our beloved former bad boy S? His absence is the juiciest part of this little titbit. Thanks to our anonymous tipper for the photo.

You know you love me.

xoxo

Gossip girl.

* * *

"Addy?"

Seb's sister was upstairs painting when he found her.

"Yeah?"

"Do you want to hang out? Since Lydia is busy with Leanne I thought we could catch up."

Jealously stabbed at Adele and made her want to cry, she was always second choice. Lydia was a horrible person who didn't deserve his love.

"What did you want to do?"

"Whatever, we could go to the park or bum around watching MTV like you love."

"Okay as long as Lydia isn't coming."

Seb frowned in confusion, since when did Adele not want to suck up to Lydia?"

"She isn't. So what's it to be?"

"MTV."

Seb sighed, kids these days.

"So why didn't you want to see Lydia?"

He passed her the bowl of popcorn as she lay sprawled across the couch, Seb could barely fit on the end and even then he had to have her legs across his lap. She was remarkably tall and lanky for her age, he tickled her feet when she didn't hear his question. So engrossed in _my super sweet sixteen _as she was.

"Huh?"

"Lydia, why is she suddenly out of favour?"

"No reason, I just don't think you should be with her anymore."

Seb laughed slightly.

"Oh okay then with that pearl of wisdom I'll end something I've wanted since I was your age."

"She's not a good girl."

"Why's that?"

He had no idea where this was coming from, he knew she sometimes got jealous that she got less attention from him since he and Lydia got together but this was different.

"I saw her on _gossip girl_."

Seb narrowed his eyes.

"I've told you I don't want you reading that shit, you are way too young and it's a malicious site run by anonymous losers bored with their own lives. Whatever it said about Lydia just ignore it."

Reading gossip girl was appealing to Adele for several reasons a) everyone else she knew was obsessed with it except Seb b) it was always about people she knew c) she found out stuff about her brother she'd never know otherwise. In the case of today also stuff about his girlfriend _he'd _never know.

"But there are photos!"

Seb groaned.

"Fine let's see what it's about and I'll set you straight."

He retrieved his laptop from the kitchen. It was irritating having to prove to his sister Lydia was a decent person, after Addy had known Lydia since birth. Now one_ gossip girl_ article had squashed years of friendship.

"See!"

Seb felt his stomach drop when he saw a cell phone photo of Lydia kissing a goofy looking guy on the cheek when she was supposed to be with Leanne. Her weird behaviour that morning (pyjamas notwithstanding) seemed to fit now, she was obviously lying to him. He kept his face impassive though.

"So what? That's a friend, she's allowed to kiss him on the cheek."

Adele frowned in confusion.

"But in the blog-"

"Ignore the_ fucking_ blog okay?"

Adele was shocked at being shouted at let alone that it included the worst naughty word and she felt a lump rising in her throat. Seb's eyes softened when he saw her shocked expression and he stroked her hair, she had that pouty look that was a warning of impending tears.

"Sorry Addy, I just mean that you should know Lydia wouldn't hurt anyone. Give her a chance to explain before you start a smear campaign against her."

"Okay."

Seb wrapped his arm around her and kissed her on her top of her head.

"Thanks for looking out for me though."

"That's what sisters are for."

Seb grinned, she was already growing up faster than he wanted but he wasn't worried when she was the most moralistic and protective person he knew.

They watched the rest of the TV program in silence, Seb was angry at Lydia for not telling him the truth but he wanted to protect Addy from his problems. He didn't want her disillusioned with someone she looked up to at so young an age. That was what adolescence was for.

"Hey B."

Blair was still in her nightgown when Nate arrived at her door, it was a weekday but she had gone back to bed after getting Adele to school. It wasn't like her but if quitting her job didn't have the perk of a sleep in what did?

"Oh Nate hi, come in."

"Sorry to just barge in without a call."

"It's okay, family don't need a formal warning."

Nate gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"Thanks."

"So what's up?"

"I just wanted to chat. We've been friends for a long time."

Was he drunk? She was sure she could smell scotch coming from somewhere so she replied cautiously. The last time they had been alone drunk together he had lamented that if he'd never treated her like crap when they were younger they'd be the perfect couple now and his life would be flawless. Basically he spouted bullshit.

"Yes we have been."

"You and Chuck have been so good to me, better than I deserve."

Blair motioned for him to sit in an armchair, it repulsed her that someone could be drinking such high percentage alcohol before lunch but he was recently divorced so she forgave him everything. She was his best friend not his mother after all."That's not true Nate. We've all fucked up over the years, I couldn't judge anyone after what I've done in the past."

"I've fucked up more than most."

"Is this what you want to chat about? You wanted to have a Nate- Archibald-this-is-your-life-of-screw-ups moment?"

There was a tense silence before Nate suddenly blurted out what had been poisoning his life for months.

"I slept with Lydia B, more than once. A lot actually. It was the best month of my life and I've tortured myself over it since. I wanted you to know because I love you and need you to understand. I need someone to understand."

He was slurring his words and making exaggerated hand movements, Blair's first instinct was to believe him to be making a sick joke. She was ready to ignore it but the remorseful, serious look in his eyes told her it was no laughing matter, in fact Blair wanted to be sick.

"Nate-"

She had no words, she had never felt so angry and disgusted at anyone in her life. For someone who should know better, Archibald always seemed to step headfirst into train wreck after train wreck.

"I know I'm a dickhead."

Blair was close to tears, she could feel the respect and affection she had for her oldest friend drifting out of her, only leaving a cold hollow of where it once used to be. For curiosity sake she had to ask for more details, hopefully something in his story might redeem him somewhat. She wanted to practically drop to the ground and beg him for a reason for her to not hate him but she remained standing rigidly over him.

"Tell me everything that happened, no sugar coating it. Except the physical stuff, I don't want to know anything about that."

It was an effort for her to speak so cordially to him without wanting to slap him silly. She could abuse him after he was finished. She couldn't think of Serena or Dan or Lydia. God Lydia! The silly girl.

Nate rambled on for ten minutes relaying all the sordid details, at least he was honest in his mistreatment of her and didn't try to justify his actions like she thought he would. It was also while they were both single so he hadn't betrayed her son completely.

"Nate how could you? After everything!"

"I wasn't thinking. God I feel so guilty."

"So you fucking should! I'm so ashamed I can't look at you! Why did you have to tell me? Now I have to not only keep it from my best friend but I have to live in silence knowing what I do!"

"You can tell Serena if you feel you should, I just want to make things right."

Blair rolled her eyes, it was always like him for it to be too little too late.

"Of course I can't tell her! I don't know how I'd ever approach the subject, it would hurt everyone. It's over and done with, there can be nothing gained from revealing it."

Nate's shoulders relaxed somewhat but Blair was as stiff as a board.

"Nate I don't want to see you near Lydia again, if I even catch you in the same room with her or talking to her I will make your life a misery. No wonder my son acts like you are evil incarnate, I thought it was just a phase but suddenly he seems entirely justified!"

"I know. I understand."

"I don't think you ever understand anything, it's like you're still sixteen stuck in an adult's body. Seb has more maturity than you do, I'm proud he hasn't tried to beat you to death yet."

"I've tried to make it up to him."

"Don't you get it? You are forever damned in his eyes, he couldn't respect you or look up to you like he used to now. You don't deserve it either. Nate I want you to leave and not contact us again."

Blair felt tears running down her face but her voice was like ice, eventually her anger would simmer and she'd mourn the death of their friendship but not right now.

"What?"

Nate was staring at her in drunken perplexity.

"You heard me. Did you think after fucking up your life and hurting Lydia I'd let you have any influence or further presence in my family? I still love you Nate, unfortunately that will never change but I hate at the moment. If you're smart you'll absent yourself from us all and hope that one day I'll forgive you."

Nate nodded, his eyes were teary but she couldn't tell if it was from genuine remorse or intoxication, maybe both.

"Okay. I really am sorry B."

Blair sighed, she felt old.

"I believe you. Goodbye Nate."


	12. Colour me curious

__

Disclaimer: I don't own gossip girl or any of it's characters, I'm just not that lucky.

**A/N: I know it's been like a month but I've been uber busy and haven't had time to write for fun :( This will hopefully make up for it. I'm not entirely happy with it so let me know what you think, I might revise it later. **

Blair began crying as soon as Nate had left, she was trapped alone with her thoughts until Adele came home. It was her last week of school before her holidays so Seb had agreed to pick her and take her for ice cream after school each day, Adele had even chosen her flavour for each day out at the beginning of the week.

Blair at least had errands to run to keep her distracted, the less she contemplated her best friend's disturbing cradle robbing the more comfortable her stomach contents.

She mentally scolded herself, she was an adult now (and had been for awhile) which meant she had to get her shit together or she'd end up like Nate. She shuddered at the idea of being Mrs. Robinson to one of Seb's hormone-crazed 'dudes'. She was not only a Waldorf she was a fucking Bass and she could handle fire and brimstone let alone a little kiddie-fiddling by someone she had trusted. Serena however justifiably wouldn't, so Blair vowed then and there to take the unspeakable news to her grave, or at least until she wrote her memoirs.

She bounded up the stairs to get changed before she had to meet Jenny at her art gallery to pick out a few pieces for the fifth bedroom. Jenny was always amusing so she hoped her giddy descriptions of her latest paintings (she talked about them like a proud mother) would cheer her up.

* * *

Blair stared intensely into the huge painting she had brought, it now sat carefully against a cupboard opposite the dinner table until they could find the appropriate place to hang it. Blair wanted it behind the bed but Chuck considered the wall opposite the better option. They didn't have time to argue over it as Seb had announced Lydia was coming over for dinner and all thoughts of hanging anything but Nate fled the vicinity of her mind.

"Honey it's a bit short notice."

Seb stared at her like she had suddenly declared she'd no longer wear labels.

"When is it ever short notice? Lydia is like family."

Panic began to rise within her, she was okay coping with the whole Nate-thing if she had time to process but having to sit across from his underage ex-lover and current lover of her son strangled any appetite for Moroccan she may have had. What could she say? If she told Seb she knew what he knew then it would be awkward between them and he would no doubt tell Lydia that she knew what they both knew and once Lydia knew she knew what they all knew they could never be the same. Feigned ignorance wasn't quite bliss but it made for fewer pinched faces and constipated smiles.

"_Like_ family, which means she actually _isn't_. How incestuous would that be? We don't live in Utah!-"

She laughed a little hysterically before reigning herself back in.

"-I just would have appreciated a little prior warning."

Now Chuck was also eyeing her suspiciously. It certainly was out of character considering she practically forced her son at gunpoint to invite his girlfriend over for dinner whether it was five days or five minutes before the actual meal.

"Is this about the painting?"

Blair groaned. Did she really seem that petty?

"Of course not!"

The painting was beautiful, a view of the sun setting over Santorini which was she painted on her honeymoon, it was definitely something to swoon over but it wasn't exactly crazy-inducing which she obviously appeared to the males in her family.

"Then what's the problem?"

She had no reasonable objection but the sickening truth so she sighed dramatically in defeat.

"She can come if she _must_."

Sounding like a stingy bitch was not her intention but like paper beat rock, exasperation beat politeness.

* * *

Lydia had always wished she had had a sibling, it wasn't for her parents lack of trying but apparently it wasn't meant to be. Dan and Serena had impossibly close bonds with their own siblings and Seb was more protective of his little sister than anything. She pitied any poor bastard who would break Addy's heart, they'd end up with one or two things broken themselves, courtesy of brother dearest. Being with Seb's family gave her ample opportunity to watch the dynamics of such a relationship so she was always more than happy to be over for dinner.

Today was different.

When Seb sprung it on her she was dying to refuse but she wasn't a good spontaneous liar and being the holidays she couldn't think of anything pressing to keep her away.

Fucking _gossip girl_, if she ever found out who the nosy, malicious _insinuator_ was she would do something uncharacteristically violent involving large shears.

After coming home from visiting Hugo at the hospital that day she had got a call from Leanne. She had hesitantly told her about the _gossip girl _blog and Lydia had gone online herself to view it. Not only had she lied to Seb, it looked like she was cheating on him! The truth wouldn't be much easier to swallow either. What she didn't know was if Seb had seen it. She had kept silent about it because Seb knew she didn't look at the site and she hoped if he hadn't either it could pass unnoticed.

Then she remembered girls like Amber who would have a field day and had to concede that it would get back to Seb eventually and probably already had.

It meant that Seb was playing dumb waiting for her to own up, so seeing him for the first time since that incident made her nervous. Why couldn't she have a normal life where she wasn't stalked to a hospital visiting the comatose shooter of her boyfriend? Honestly, people were weird.

* * *

"This food is delicious Blair as always."

Lydia had cunningly come to dinner just as it was being served so she could avoid any serious discussion with Seb until she found a way to bring it up or at least until she had food in her stomach.

"And as always Blair didn't cook it."

Blair glared at Chuck, she wouldn't have bristled so much at that little truth if she weren't trying to conceal her own not-so-little truth. Luckily a softly playing violin concerto by Tchaikovsky kept there from being an awkward silence, especially since Adele was scrapping her fork across the plate in a manner that resembled nails on a chalkboard.

"What's _this_ mom?"

Adele speared a little black thing with her fork and held it up accusingly. The days Blair was busy in the day she ordered in takeout, today was Moroccan which was far more exotic than their usual choice of Chinese.

"Honey that's a Nate." Blair supplied helpfully.

She then realised what she had said and began to pale.

"I mean a date _not_ Nate."

Oh how she wished it _was_ him mixed up in her curry. Okay ew. She didn't mean that but that was the depth of her hatred for him that she'd even vaguely contemplate cannibalism.

Chuck could see his wife was far from at ease but it was a puzzle as to the cause. What was the Freudian slip with Nate about? He knew he had come around to see Blair today as he himself had gone to drop off a new bottle from his father's winery to him and found him absent.

"How _is_ Nate Blair?"

Blair stared at her husband in alarm, Adele and Seb gave each other sideways glances in affirmation of their mother's recent insanity.

"How should I know?"

Unconsciously she looked at Lydia who was absorbed in cutting a bit of chicken up into tiny pieces. It hadn't escaped Chuck or Seb though.

"Well I thought he came to see you today darling."

"No."

Blair's ability to lie and manipulate must have faded with time, she didn't need to play puppet master anymore so she guessed she was rusty. Or more likely, she was just still far too distracted trying to keep damning revelations from exploding out of her mouth to act composed.

"No? His housekeeper said he was at ours when I visited."

"Oh right yes you're right he did come around. He's fine, it was a pretty trivial visit. Anyway where do you kids think Jenny's painting should go?"

Chuck tried to suppress the suspicion flaring up, his instinct told him Blair was sitting on dynamite and after over a decade of being married to her his instincts were almost infallible. Adele thankfully came to Blair's rescue, finally being able to answer on something in the conversation she understood.

"In the hallway between my room and the master bathroom! That way more people will see it, otherwise only guests will and we almost always put guests in the fourth room anyway."

Chuck smiled.

"I think that's a great idea not to mention a peaceful compromise, what do you think B?"

"Sure."

No one expected her to give up her position so easily, it pleased Adele who liked to be heard but it was also another sign that Blair had been replaced by a pod person. At least the rest of the dinner passed with everyone consciously keeping the topics light and polite.

"Seb why don't you and Lydia go watch a movie with Adele while me and your mom clean up?"

Seb did as he was told and they all ended up crowded on the couch watching one of the numerous chick flicks Adele collected. It was something about a bad boy rapper who realised his love of painting after he fell in love with a free spirit artist. Adele and Lydia were both in tears by the end when he went blind although Seb wasn't concentrating enough to get why. Paint fumes maybe? Either way according to both females it was poetic and moving.

"Adele, why don't you go sort out all your artwork and come down and show Lydia?"

Apparently tonight was pass the buck of those younger than you so they could have serious conversations. Adele knew it was a nice way to tell her to get lost for a bit but she never turned down an opportunity to showcase her work. Jenny had even told her she could display a few at her gallery if she wanted. Naturally Jenny was now up next to Miley Cyrus and Leonardo Da Vinci as one of the coolest people to ever walk the face of the earth.

"Okay! Should I bring down the first fifty or go with them all? I have a stack in the garage too."

Seb had seen all Addy's work numerous times whether by his own will or not so having her entire collection viewed again was less than thrilling but if that was what it took to get some answers he'd sit through them all. Even the blurry stick finger versions she did when she was five.

"Whatever, you decide little one."

Lydia knew this was her cue to finally be honest. She put a cushion on his lap and lay down on to it, it was easier approaching prickly subjects when she didn't have to face his piercing gaze. He absentmindedly began stroking her hair as he always did and it made her feel more comfortable, like this was just a casual chat rather than a looming conversation that had put her off her meal.

"So you read _gossip girl_."

She would approach it like ripping off a band-aid, quick and as painlessly as possible. He stopped stroking her hair but still kept his hand on her head.

"I wasn't actively browsing if that's what you mean but I was made aware of an article about you yes."

She rubbed her eyes tiredly and sighed.

"I wasn't cheating on you as everyone seems to think."

"I know."

Of course he did, she hadn't really doubted it but she wanted to make it perfectly clear that she didn't go around affectionately embracing strange men all the time.

"_But_?"

"Why were you at the hospital?"

"It's complicated."

"Okay so un-complicate it."

Typical male response. It reminded her of her friend Bethany who got pregnant the year before and cried to her that when she told her boyfriend he asked if she could undo it. He had obviously failed health class. Everything always had to be so black and white! No wonder they were the only gender that went colour-blind.

"I was visiting a friend."

"Lydia I see you practically everyday who could you be visiting that I wouldn't know about? You lied to me earlier too when you said you were with Leanne when obviously you weren't."

"Fine I'll tell you the truth but you wont like it."

"I'll deal."

Lydia sucked in a breath.

"I was visiting Hugo."

That was the last possible explanation he would have ever dreamt up and his mind had imagined some pretty _out there _justifications. One even included cloning.

"He's awake?"

An irrational wave of terror surged through him, he wasn't worried about being hunted down and tortured with a self-pitying speech again but more that Hugo was once again somehow back in his life. He'd gone through years of higher education never knowing who the guy was and suddenly the day he finishes school and he can never escape him.

"No no I just go and visit him. The guy I was hugging was his older brother."

Seb was silent for what felt like hours.

"Say something Bass."

"It's your life you can do what you want."

This sucked, an angry Seb she could handle but one that shut down and dismissed her was difficult.

"It's just he really has no one but his brother and I only go once a week just to chat to him and see if he's improved."

Seb scoffed.

"You visit him once a week? For how long?"

"A few weeks."

"What the fuck for? He nearly _killed_ you Lydia. As in he had no qualms about ending your _life _and you want to sit and _chat_?"

When Seb put it like that she did sound stupid but she had known it was the right thing to do in her heart, that's why Seb wasn't supposed to know. He'd talk her out of it.

"He's not evil Seb he just wanted to be heard."

Seb hated being angry at his girlfriend but her good Samaritan act was frustrating.

"Well if he wanted to have been heard he should have stood up and opened his mouth or taken an ad out in the paper or something not have attempted mass homicide. I can't believe I'm having to defend that!"

Lydia flinched at his words. Would Hugo really have killed everyone if he'd got his way? She couldn't believe that.

"I'm not saying what he did was okay or justified I just mean that he isn't a bad person. I've talked to his brother a lot and he just seemed so misunderstood. His dad killed himself when he was eleven and his mother died of cancer a year later, his life has been full of people abandoning him one way or another."

"You don't know him any more than I do, let's not pretend you did just so you can feel better about ignoring him all those years."

Seb's reply was the coldest and iciest she'd ever heard from him, even when they were at each other's throats.

"That's not what it's about!"

Actually it was partly what it was about but she hated that he could turn something well intentioned into something seemingly selfish and sinister.

"I don't want you going anymore."

Lydia sighed.

"Then I'd just be one more person abandoning him."

"Lydia he's in a coma and probably always will be he's not going to care. I just don't want you going, you've made your point and said your peace let's just move on okay?"

Lydia nodded although she wasn't sure she'd keep to the agreement, she'd just be more stealthy next time and watch for mobile phones pointed in her direction.

"Fine."

"Good."

Blair entered, effectively ending the conversation which both were grateful for.

"Remember the masquerade ball is in three days time, I know you're both professional hermits but I trust you remembered considering the work I've put in."

They both nodded reassuringly even though it was a complete lie, they didn't trust Blair's weird mood tonight to risk admitting their ignorance. Blair was always organising some sort of event, they all kind of blurred together.

"What are your costumes like? I hope you co-ordinated, I was the model of self-restraint in not interfering so I hope you're grateful."

They smiled again, feeling more and more screwed.

"B can we finish our conversation or are you going to use your son as a shield?"

Seb stood up as Chuck stormed into the room having obviously being walked out on mid-argument.

"I'm ducking for cover if plates start flying."

Blair groaned at her son's attempt at humour.

"It was one time! Suddenly I'm forever a danger to porcelain?"

Lydia tried to sink into the sofa, she always seemed to be present for a family dispute, they were never serious but it was so unlike her parents who compromised quietly on everything.

Seb laughed.

"One time too many mom, PMS is no excuse!"

Blair rolled her eyes. So she threw a couple of priceless porcelain plates at Chuck's head one time when he was being a pain. She knew he'd duck! Now she was never going to live it down. They'd probably have the incident inscribed on her tombstone at this rate.

"Your father is over it, it was years ago! You weren't even home at the time!"

Seb shook his head.

"Whatever we'll go upstairs, good luck dad."

Chuck saluted him playfully but turned seriously back to his wife.

"How long can you avoid and evade my questions? It's only been ten minutes but I can ask for hours."

"And I'll give you the same answer! I'm fine and there's nothing wrong with Nate!"

Chuck sat down on the sofa.

"I know I'm not a saint but I thought you'd learnt you could trust me by now.

Blair deflated next to him when she glimpsed his hurt expression.

"I can, I do, it's just it's hard to get out and will be even harder to believe."

Chuck leapt up triumphantly.

"Ha! There _is_ something going on, aren't you glad it didn't take hours?"

Blair groaned.

"You're an ass as always."

"Old news baby, I want the new scoop. Cough up."

"After that performance? No way."

"Come on, I'm your husband. I love you, I'm loyal to you, what's to lose?"

Blair yanked him back down and rested her head on his shoulder.

"Nate slept with Lydia. They apparently dated for about a month a few months ago until he broke it off when he finally found his conscience."

She waited for Chuck to stand up, curse and shout and run for his gun but he said nothing.

"Any thoughts on the damning revelation? At least a thank you for being so honest?"

"Thank you."

"Why are you thanking me? I just destroyed your friendship with Nate. What's wrong with you?"

Chuck laughed slightly.

"You handle stress _so_ well."

"Shut up husband."

He said nothing more so Blair stepped on his foot.

"Ouch woman!"

"So? Chuck?"

"So what?"

"_What_? Are you retarded? Did you just hear what I told you?"

"Of course but unlike some people I need time to think."

"About what? He's a loser."

He looked at her sadly.

"He was your best friend before today."

"Things change."

"True."

"You are so frustrating! I want to know your opinion!"

"Why? You've already decided he's a loser, what could I say?"

She wanted to cry again, she didn't want Nate to be a loser but he was.

"Please Chuck."

She said it so quietly but it had a bigger impact than anything she could have screamed at him.

"Nate is a fuck up, granted. He also made a colossal mistake, one that makes me look spotless _but_ he's my best friend. Before you he was the only person that I cared about and who actually liked me for me. I'll never forget that and for better or worse I'll support him-"

"But-"

"Let me finish. I'm not excusing him but it's hard enough to find people you can count on in our world, I don't want to give one up. Whatever he did, he never meant to hurt anyone, we know Nate."

"I thought we did."

"It was him thinking with his dick and ignoring consequences. He's just been divorced and wasn't thinking straight. He also never had supportive parents-"

"Yeah but neither did you and you-"

"-I what? Turned out great? If it hadn't been for you I'd be worse than Nate Blair. Having children shut down most of my asshole genes and I've worked hard to make sure I don't pass them on but I'm the lucky one. My point is, it's not going to help anyone to shut him out."

Blair nodded.

"You're right for once. I know you are, but I hate him so much. I can't see myself changing my mind."

"You're angry, it will pass."

"Why aren't you?"

"Maybe because I understand him better."

Blair glared at him.

"Oh because you fuck barely legal girls who are practically related to you?"

"I might if I hadn't met you. I've done some shit things in my time, I can hardly judge."

"That was years ago though! Nate is old enough to know better. If Adele was Lydia's age and he was in her bed would you be so calm?"

Chuck's face froze and Blair felt secretly triumphant at finally getting through.

"Would you Bass?"

"Of course not but it wouldn't happen. This was because of Serena, you must know that!"

Now it was Blair's turn to pause. Suddenly all the puzzle pieces began to fit together in her mind.

"Oh fuck."

Chuck nodded gravely.

"Yeah."

Blair groaned for what felt like the hundredth time that day.

"Why can't he get over it? I don't know whether to be more revolted or not now."

"He loves Serena. He's always been in love with her, maybe always will be. He can never have her and I think he tried to gain some part of her with Lydia. It's stupid but if love can make me the perfect male it can just as easily make golden boy Archibald a fuck."

Her 'perfect male' made a good point and she hugged him.

"What was that for?"

"For making me not hate him. I'm still angry but what you said made sense, it made me sad for him. I love you for making me sad for him. It's easier to fix than implacable hatred.

"It's what perfect males are for dearest."

"Don't push it."

They then proceeded to make out on the couch with all the passion and desperation of those in the position to potentially get caught. Maybe it was in gratitude of finding each other when Nate had no one or in relief at working out their issue but either way it was the best distraction Blair had had all day.

It took Adele awhile to forgive Seb for going upstairs and leaving her to confront them in a compromising position. Again.

A/N: No offence to anyone who lives in Utah :P


End file.
